Some of this will not be familiar to those that I have not known too long.
For the past year or two - I have posted about affirmatively setting boundaries when a person's behavior made me feel uncomfortable and trusting my gut when it felt the discomfort.
When I was on point - the usually reacted badly and proved my gut right.
On the few occasions where I might have been wrong - they adjusted their behavior. Although I am not entirely convinced I was wrong b/c sometimes they change for awhile and then start reverting back to the behavior that made me uncomfortable... I think that is why it takes time to get to know someone. I am happy with my 90 day probation for R's of all types - I have seen positive results with that rule.
And there will be a minimum of 2 years before I will even entertain moving in with someone. Of course that one is not tested. But I felt rushed when I married The X. I don't want to feel pressured to move forward in an LTR until I am ready.
This GAL thing is so underrated! I feel so much more relaxed and less overwhelmed. The volunteering at the food distribution center - well that was quite a contrast to last night. Talk about facing reality. It was tough for me at first - I have led a very shelterd life. And this center is in my suburb - so this is even a relatively sheltered reality. I will continue to volunteer there at least once a month. I need to be reminded that the real world is very different from my double insulated bubble.
I will have to work tomorrow. I didn't have a very productive week last week - well that is understatement. It was an awful procrastination week and I got nothing done. I need to at least make sure I haven't dropped anything critical.
Life is good. I am very relaxed. GAL is a very good thing.
Actually I was silly and told the H's of my GF's to go out onto the dancefloor. Their W's are very secure with their H's and themselves so they have no problem with me being single.
The H's were all designated drivers so the W's had the luxury of being able to drink a little more! And I rode with my neighbor - so I well drank a little myself!
Now when it came to the silent auction items - well I had to do a little negotiating and charming!
The whole evening was really just fun. Many moments that just make smile when you think about them. Actually - my neighbors and I laughed about the silly moments till our sides hurt. We volunteered together today and went out to lunch afterwards. I am really glad I decided to not work on weekends anymore.
The thing about these cooking classes is that they demonstrate using all these cooking toys that I really feel I must buy now!
Next week is cocktail mixology class. The class is 10-11 am. I wonder if it is okay to drink before noon - after all I need to sample what is mixed so I know what it is suppose to taste like.
I think you are the only one that has been working today... I have been procrastinating - no wait it is the weekend - I have been GALing. I feel an overwhelming urge to trim some shrubbies in my garden right at this moment - work will simply have to wait...
I wanted to clarify something that I think I may have miscommunicated. I don't think every man I bump into is tripping over themselves to ask me out.
I am working on myself, my own mindset and my reaction to single men and/or actions directed towards me by men. I have no control over other people and what they do. I do have control over how I choose to act.
Also I have no problem asking out men - so when I meet someone that intrigues me I think about whether I want to ask them out. I asked out the BF immediately before The X. And I sent the first email to Emailing Man when I thought he was single. If someone says no - the worst that can happen is that I feel really silly and off for a day or two and need 1-2 boxes of haagen daaz ice cream bars to get over it.
And I have reassessed my answer regarding the hypothetical from Mr. Ironman - if Mr. Ironman was single and asked me out - well I would say yes. I would have said no when he presented the question on day 2 after I met him - but after spending 6 days socializing with a group that included him. I got to know him and would say yes. But it is a mute point b/c he has a GF.
I have reassessed the men I dismissed on the Island. I would dismiss them again. Just not interested - doesn't mean I am screwed up.
I think I view dating a little differently than some may. Many people date to get to know someone. I like to date someone after I get to know them. I like to get to know people in a non-romantic pressure environment. Looking back - that is how it has always been for me.
I am no longer living in a hermit habitat. I am "putting myself out there" in activities where there is the possibility of getting to know people by virtue of engaging in those activities.
As for whether there is anyone that I would like to ask me out or I would like to ask out - no not yet. I haven't gotten to know anyone well enough to know whether I want to date them.
Life is good. I am no longer fighting The Block. I am embracing it as a filter - one that may require tweaking - but that is okay.
So, just curious - now that you're taking cooking classes and all, what do you do when you get home at the end of a long day? Do you reach for the ingredients from the specialty store, or do you just pull out the frozen cornmeal crust pizza? I bet you can guess what I'm guilty of.
I worked all day, but I don't feel like I accomplished anything. Seems like each step forward is two back - Jacob's Ladder.
Thanks for posting the info about your sitch. It's funny because I was about to ask you how communication worked out between you and your x. Was curious whether your boundaries held against his carpet-bombing as I consider my own sitch and the days ahead.
So, just curious - now that you're taking cooking classes and all, what do you do when you get home at the end of a long day? Do you reach for the ingredients from the specialty store, or do you just pull out the frozen cornmeal crust pizza? I bet you can guess what I'm guilty of.
I use to cook all the time once upon a time...use to try new recipes etc. But these past few years - between the D and work - I have been pulling out prepared foods 90% of the time - maybe even more...
And it is tough cooking for one. The plan now is to try all these new recipes and deliver the food to my neighbors and start throwing dinner parties again.
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I worked all day, but I don't feel like I accomplished anything. Seems like each step forward is two back - Jacob's Ladder.
I am going through a phase like that myself right now. I accomplished - nada zip last week. That is why I am making GAL such a priority to see if having weekends off will help motivate me to work during the week! I need a reason - something to look forward to - a carrot so to speak to motivate me to work.
A crumbling R and a D affected me - but I go through these phases even when there are no R troubles. Everyone does - especially people that push themselves too much. At least all my friends do.
You certainly fall into that category - full time work and school! You have two areas where you may possibly be procrastinating in! That is not easy - even when all is good in your life!
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Was curious whether your boundaries held against his carpet-bombing as I consider my own sitch and the days ahead.
I let The X back in with a clean slate after most of the bombs. I told him the past was forgiven but at my end I needed to see that it did not happen again. After a honeymoon period - the same issues arose over and over again accompanied with an escalation that eventually rose to a level that posed a risk to my personal safety.
After the final bomb - I told him there would be no consideration of reconciliation without MC with Michele. He knew me well enough to know that even though I circle a lot - there is a point of not return with me. He didn't contact me post legal D b/c he knew I was done.
Now even though I was done b/c I couldn't live with what my M had become. I still went through the pain of letting go what I had wanted my M to be - letting go of the hope that it would ever be what I had wanted it to be - and of course letting go of the life I had. I was fortunate that The X did not try to contact me post legal D. It made it easier for me.
In your case, I think you are doing the right thing. ew wanted the D and she has gotten the D. She has shown no indication that if you were to consider reconciliation post-D that she would change. You are now the walk away friend and she is now the left behind friend. I would keep not returning her phone calls and emails. And if she stops by your office - I would cut it short like you have been. It may not be a bad idea to look for a new job where you would not have to see her. It is time for you to take care of you.
It will hurt - but she has not changed... It will take time to let it all go. And for you to let go - you will have to keep repeating and reinforcing your boundaries until she gets it.
If she is like The X - she will shut down and be angry with you as you stop responding and move on. And you are going to have to get comfortable with the notion that she will blame you and the anger. The X just shuts down the past and starts over again. I was a little taken aback when after my M to him I realized that he had amputated 10 years of his life with his former LTR from his memory. He had been with her from when he was 16-26. All that was left was anger towards her. He had nothing postive to say about her.
This will get easier with time - especially as you rebuild your life. Right now you are in the void - between lives so to speak - this transition time is rough. That is why I think you need to be kind to yourself and go easy on yourself. I really recommend taking an incomplete on your classes if that option is available to you.
It's about time - I was wondering if I would ever feel as alive as I did before my marriage!
The X was not very social - so we use to stay at home a lot - and I never really made friends in the midwest outside of work. It took a lot of trial and error - but I am finally making friends with similar interests!
Do you know I now actually have an inbox full of emails so I get to choose which social things I want to do!
Now if only I could twitch my nose or blink and all the work on my desk would be magically done....
as long as you're twitching your nose, could you make my work disappear too?
Must be nice to have a full inbox of social emails. I've been so sunk into focus on XW that I've neglected that whole aspect and it has tapered off..
so I hope you don't mind me asking, but I'm curious. I work with a lot of indians. One is back in india now, dealing with family. another is back east, and has problems with family.
Has family come into play in your sitch? how connected are you to that background? I have a hard time imagining what it would be like, at least in comparison to how my classmates speak.
glad things are going well, lodo
btw - I agree, it's really hard cooking for one. A lot of what I cook ends up in the compost. *sigh*
We volunteered together today and went out to lunch afterwards. I am really glad I decided to not work on weekends anymore. 
I accomplished - nada zip last week. That is why I am making GAL such a priority to see if having weekends off will help motivate me to work during the week! I need a reason - something to look forward to - a carrot so to speak to motivate me to work.