I have been doing lots of reading on here of other people's threads. It's amazing seeing reading situations that are so similar to mine and reading the feedback they get. You know what they say sometimes you learn a lot by just listening. Well, I've learned a lot by just reading.
As you all know I have been in Limboland for far too long. I'm ashamed to admit, but the end of Oct. will be 2 years. I've enabled my H to be one of the biggest cake eaters ever. Something I'm definitely not proud of. Has it gotten me anywhere? Sometimes yes, but as many know, he continues to sway back and forth.
I have gotten much stronger. Yes, I still have my weak moments, but I am getting really close to getting off of this rollercoaser. I know that when I get to the point that I can no longer take his cake eating I better be prepared for him to leave forever. That's what has held me up, I need to be abolutely sure I can handle it and I think I'm getting there fast.
Now, here is the point I'm getting to. Some of you know that H filed for a D the summer of 2007 but called it off the summer of 2008 because he wanted to reconcile. Well, we are still separated I don't see him any closer to coming home. He still continues to find reasons to call me and sometimes see me (mainly at ballgames and such), but I do not call him unless absolutely necessary, financial or children only.
I'm thinking it's about time for me to file and get on with my life. I have told him before I thought it was time for him to file again, that I was tired of living this way. He says he's still not sure. He told me last time that he was still swaying! I'm wanting to get daughter's homecoming ceremonies out of the way and then take care of my life.
Here's my question, should I tell him that I plan on filing or just have him served? If we do end up divorced I don't want it to be an ugly divorce (yes, I know they are all ugly). I just want to make sure we share our assets 50/50. We own a business and I don't want to get into a lot mudslinging. I'm a silent partner in the business. I have my own career and and contributed to the household budget and he has always run the business although it was our joint money that began the business. Both of our names are on the corporation. So we are both entitled to half of all of our personal and business assets. Although when he first wanted the divorce he wanted all of the business and he would trade me other things, I'm not that stupid!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Well it doesn't sound like OW's H wants to be friends with you.
He sees your value and is drawn to you.
How comfortable are you being friends with someone you are not attracted to, but who might be interested in you?
I was wondering about that too. Was it "When Harry met sally" movie where he says there are no just friendships between men and women, usually the guy likes the woman or something like that? I think a lot of times that's true, that one or both are attracted to the other person.
I have that happening too, and is it wrong to have that kind of "friendship" that's maybe not really? I think at one point I kind of needed that b/c my self-confidence was zero, but now I'm wondering about the whole thing, don't want to mislead or anything....but maybe he is just interested in friendship? This stuff is so difficult!!! Karen
hey friend, wow, glad to know i am not the only one in limbo land.
our homecoming is tonite, D16 the jr is a cheerleader, and next year should be a canidate, where does the time go?
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
Limboland is not a fun place is it? Disneyland is fun, but Limboland, not so much!
My daughter is a stepper. They are the dancers and also cheer along with the cheerleaders. It's hard to believe she is a senior. Just wait senior year is very expensive, but they are worth it!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Is there a way for you to find out what the relative merits of each are in AR from a L? I know your town is pretty small...maybe in little rock or even over here?
And you know how well I know what you're dealing with right now...big hugs out to you my dear.
should I tell him that I plan on filing or just have him served?
When you are 100% ready, I think you should tell him before he is served. It's the right thing to do and probably what we all would want.. rather than being surprised..
We've been at this a long time Yoyo... I'm ready to get on with my life.. What about you?
Here's my question, should I tell him that I plan on filing or just have him served? If we do end up divorced I don't want it to be an ugly divorce (yes, I know they are all ugly).
I think you're in a great place mentally so no matter what happens you will be good! My opinion is that it is more honorable to tell beforehand.
My H didn't tell me and it was such a shock, painful shock to get them in the mail. He said he meant to call me but his cell was down or something, like he couldn't have emailed me or used a land line or something? Just was a coward I think. It takes some courage maybe to tell the person but I do think it's the right thing to do. Karen
Karen