WITHDRAWAL DEPRESSION #5

[cagzmom]

grace- she went to trial - she posted it step by step adn it was amazing how she stood through it - just amazing!!!

trusting - you know letting go looks different to everyone. i know you well enough to know that with every bad day comes a great reality check and good thinking from you.

glad glad glad you are seeking more of HIM and less of us. (it is hell I know!!) you are doing awesome...

[glamgirl]

Trusting you are doing so good. Let God lead you. We all have our moments, yours was this week.

If you are not ready to date and do all that then just enjoy your life and you never know what direction your h will go.

It was of just recently he was calling you enjoying convo and then back in the tunnel.

Keep those lines of communication open.

[glamgirl]

Would it be too much if you invited h for a cup of coffee or a drink after work sometime?

Like old friends getting together.

[TRUSTING]

Thanks everyone for your support. Just a down day I guess. The thought of spending another Holiday season without ex is so depressing.

Regarding child support and alimony. My ex took me to trial over this. He actually tried very hard to stall the divorce and then blamed the stalling on me and my lawyer.

He enjoyed seeing me suffer, so he put me through a 2 day trial.
Finally his lies started catching up to him and he had to settle.
He kept trying to lower the alimony and child support, but I stood my ground until he got so stressed out he gave in. All in all it was fair. Of course, any money the ML'er has to give you is not fair in their eyes. In the end it does not matter, my ex barely remembers anything about the divorce. You have to protect yourself and your family.

The trial and settlement stages are the worst. It almost killed me. They turn into demons, mine did anyway.

[forward]

Thanks for the heads up on that one, Trusting (the turning into demons).

Perhaps we, like so many others on this board, need to look forward and not backward. The holiday season is coming quickly, yes, but let's plan to do what we can to make it enjoyable for ourselves and our kids. What are you gonna get YOURSELF for Christmas?

I do revel in some aspects of single-ness, and I think that learning this has been important to me.

It is said that when you give up, they sort of resurface. I could see that happening with my H.

[graceallday]

Trusting thanks for the info about the trial ...mine h has many lies and things he did not submit in his discovery...we went through so much ..ok almost all of savings during the seperation that i thought he would wake up from ..so anyone reading this never do what i did , i should have filed for legal seperation, anyway..he left out so many withdrawals and also took credit for paying things that i paid...and i have reviewed it all...plus attorney thinks i have a compelling story....ours has special circumstances with kids....anyway....he has already lied so miuch and i do think he is very stubborn and thinks i will go along with him...i mean why wouldnt he think this becuase i ALWAYS HAVE...but after reviewing the finances line by line for 2 years worth....and 3 plus that we have been seperated.....i saw in black and white how we went through what took a life time to save...i feel really strongly about marriage and before all this so did he....u know like we all thought...anyway, i feel its the right thing to do for me and the boys...i dont even have a home anymore....and i worked very hard during the marriage still do but he does make twice me and it was over a 22 year marriage. So thanks for the info...my one worry is his attorney she seems like a baraccada and its her home court room where my attorney is from another town.....but he was highly recommended....so i can only pray ......do you think it helped if u did not act like it bothered u or do u think if u seemed like u were hurting he would ease up???? I am only asking becuase its only been recently that i have even been able to think...its weird some how going through the line by line of finances and catching his lies in his discovery.it made me a little stronger but i do have my moments...like u just cant beleive this is how you have ended up and how did u get here i have put up with things i never thought i would......

[TRUSTING]

Exactly, never did I think I would have experienced that mess.

I would suggest acting like nothing bothers you. For the most part I did. This seemed to really bother my ex. He expected a hugh drama. He did not get it. He kept waiting for it.

I dressed to kill, and remained calm and serene. Smiled alot and laughed. Sometimes I caught him with his mouth hanging open in shock.

He even called me several times after court telling me how "hot I looked". Can you believe that? Whacko!!!!!!!!

All he really remembers about court is my little red suit.

Just get a mind set that you are in a soap opera and you are playing a part. This will help you through it. It does not matter because they are not in reality.

[happynow]

Trusting,

Thank you for posting on my thread! I never went to court but my ex told me that I "drained him" but he didn't get much at all & what little money he got he had to pay lawyers!

My ex also became a demon during all that time. Never in a million years did I think my H would talk or treat me the way he did.

I am also dreading the holidays! I posted on my thread about my day today so I won't take time on your thread.

Sometimes I also feel like giving up but for some reason I just can't do that yet.

You have come a long way!!

(((HUGS)))

[ACJ]

Its looking like H and I will be settling out of court. In a financial sense he has won b/c it is me who is paying him huge sums of money. However from a human point of view I am very much the winner b/c I have retained my dignity, I have not erred from my stance on not wanting to be D (although that is part of the deal) and I have loved him unconditionally.

For me though I think H and I have gone past the point of no return. During our negotiations he denied owing me thousands of pounds in unpaid maintenance even though the figures were there in black and white for him to peruse. It was almost like he was denying responsibility for our children and that I found very hard to comprehend. Knowing he is going to get all this money has not made him happier. From what my S16 tells me he is more unhappy (and interestingly so is OW). I think I've convinced myself that my children and I deserve better than this. We are worth far more than H is prepared to give us. Ultimately it will be his loss. I have no regrets.

[TRUSTING]

I know you deserve better than this, ACJ. It gets so heartwrenching seeing all you wonderful people go through this.

If we all knew in the end that they would get better so to speak, it might be worth it. But, there is so much uncertainty.
There is so much damage not only to us, but to our children, friends and extended family. I guess faith plays such a big part in this.

The bottom line is ,NOTHING WILL MAKE THEM HAPPY. They were just too blind to find this truth out before they exploded into MLC oblivion. The worst part too is that even though we may move on, we still have to watch them continue to crumble and explode. I don't know about you, but I am just plain sick of it.
Sometimes I wish mine would just go away. He has embarrassed me, his family and himself. He has make a mockery of everything we had worked so hard to achieve.

ACJ, you have responded to your sitch with such grace. Continue to give him unconditional love and in the end you will be blessed. You are the winner here because you have maintained your dignity and standards, but also because you have shown an unlovable person true love. He will eventually see this and his regrets will be intolerable.