Yoyo, I'm going to be a bit of a d*ck here: You've done nothing wrong getting angry. If your still angry after two years of trying then maybe it's time to move on. He wants to be your friend with friend benefits but not be held accountable for his bullsh*t actions. Hmmmmmmm.....
Anger: I'm going to paraphrase a story here: The teacher was teaching her students. They were being difficult. She got angry and gave them h*ll. They got in line. The teachers attendant asked how could such a teacher as her self lose control and get angry at her students. The teacher replied that her anger was a dog on a short leash, to be used when necessary. Moral: Anger can be a tool. The teacher wasn't necessarily angry. It was but a tool. As my teachers have taught me, the key to using anger is not to be angry, as great fighters don't fight out of anger. Using anger but being detached from the emotion of anger is the key. Use it wisely. It can be very effective.
NC. Go no contact with him, the ole' last resort technique (LRT).
Bob, I know that when I have controlled anger I do so much better. I think I actually got through to him somewhat Friday night. It was just Saturday night when I saw that she had been at his house that I lost it. He says it's been about 2-3 weeks, but to me that is still too much! I can't quite figure him out. I really don't think he does care much for her because if he did he would be with her now instead of stringing me along as usual. Yes, I realize he doesn't care enough for me either. I have some theories as far as the skank goes: (By the way I don't like any of my theories!)
1. He doesn't have the ba!!s to fire her and tell her to get lost.
2. He thinks no one else can run his office like her and the business is more important than his family. I don't think he cares for her, but she is still after him, hence the calls and visits from her.
3. Maybe he is torn between us.
4. He knows if we divorce he will lose a lot financially. If he loses her he thinks he can't run the business without her.
He is an indecisive moron! I was doing good making his decision for him until I lost my cool. I don't want to talk about getting a divorce when both of us are mad. I want to let him know that I have boundaries and if they aren't met then yes, I will proceed. I don't want to "threaten" him with jealous anger. I'm trying to not stir the waters this week with it being DD's homecoming week.
DD is trying to round up ferns for the decorations for homecoming. She called him to see if his mother and sister would loan their ferns. He kept saying that "Momma" (his mother) said she could find you more. DD told him she didn't need but those three because she had some more lined up. He kept saying,"But Momma can get you more". DD said "Dad, you are not listening to me, I don't need more than those 3." He then said, "Momma will bring them to the school for you." DD said, "I'll have Mom to help me so it will be okay." He said,"Well, Momma would really love to help." DD said "Okay, I'll talk with her tomorrow." DD got off the phone and said "Ohhhh, he doesn't listen" and then told me the phone conversation I was in the other room and didn't hear it. She said "I told him that you and I had it under control, but he just kept on. I don't want to make it weird between you and her." I said, "It's okay, I saw her the other day and spoke to her. It won't bother me. Just let her bring them up if you want. Just remember this is about you and you do what feels right to you. I want you to enjoy yourself."
By the way NC will have to wait until after Friday night. Tomorrow we have to decorate the gym for homecoming and then Friday during the day and night are the ceremonies. So we will be around each other quite a bit the next two days.
Last edited by Yoyowife; 10/02/0804:55 AM.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Funny Bob that you should ask me that question about marriage. When my oldest DD was a freshman in college, yes, he sprang this on us about a month after she went off, she was hanging out with her friends. One of the friends remarked, "Every girl wants to marry someone just like their dad." My daughter said "I don't."
Sad thing is she will still tell you that remains her opinion of her dad. She gets very upset with him. She lives with him and works for him. She said he gets mad at her for the stupidest things.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
