Tips on sexy ideas?

[DanceQueen]

OK LL...thanks for the list of his turn ons.

Some straight from the hip advice: don't do the lap dance thing unless it will TRULY turn you on, ok? A man may want you to do something and indulge his fantasy about it...but then if you are *only* indulging the fantasy but not actually getting off on it, then he feels like he made you do something you didn't want to do and it turns him off. He wants you to be into it, that is the key....

So would a lap dance truly turn you on and make you hot? If not, scratch that one off the list. And you shouldn't have to think about it either, the answer should be an easy yes or no.

If you have to think about it, then the answer is no.

Keep this in mind for everything you do and try out with him...it has to truly be getting you off or he will just assume you are faking it.

So how about a list of things that turn you on?

If this is hard to come up with, then list for me some sexy scenes from movies that have turned you on in the past...

For instance, one of my fave sexy movie scenes is from the movie Body Heat with Kathleen Turner...where Nick Nolte breaks a window and then busts in the door just to ravage her. So by knowing a scene you like, then we can get an idea of the "temperature" of your tastes.

Also tell me what specifically do you feel about your husband's body? This is an important issue.

DQ

[Babygirl]

DQ, I would love for my H to take me to a strip club, I would let a Woman do a lapdance on me or H if I was there, we used to talk about doing that.
we wont do it now I am sure, as his OW is a stripper, his conscious wouldnt allow him to do it even if I wanted it!

I agree LL. your H body and what you feel about it is huge!

[DanceQueen]

Yeah baby girl...for me its a no brainer, but then I go both ways so, you know, its pretty obvious that I like naked chicks. LOL!

However....strip clubs are just so....ew....stinky, gross men who are smokey and drunk....just their presence is absolutely discusting to me....so I have vowed never to step foot in one again. But that's easy to say since I have been in dozens of them hundreds of times already and had plenty of lap dances! LOL! Guess the gross stinky men didn't deter me until I got a little older and less forgiving of creeps. (This is not meant to insult your husband...and not all strip clubs are so nasty...I just happen to live in the city with the most strip clubs per capita in the whole USA...and this means, they are a dime-a-dozen nasty peep show clubs....very very few of the clubs here are upper class and/or clean....bleah...I actually wish there were any clean, decent clubs here).

But I am getting the impression from LL that she isn't really into that, just her H is.

I am still waiting to her back from LL...but one suggestion would be for LL to give H a long, sexy lap dance...which then could lead to sex....not sure if this is something she has already done or not so maybe it is not on her radar if its "old news".

DQ

[DanceQueen]

OH and by the way...for any woman who may want to enjoy a lap dance but doesn't want to be around all the gross stinky men, in some cities there are lesbian clubs with strippers...so you can enjoy getting a lap dance without being eyed up and down by a bunch of guys. The lesbians will be eyeing you too, but they are so much less of a threat than big ol' hairy drunk dudes...

DQ

[Little Engine]

Lifeline--I concur with DQ and would add be sure if you are considering honoring your H's requests, is it going to compromise your self respect?

This was a big deal for W and me and we are almost D'd now. I wouldn't want you to make the same mistake my W did. She did something out of love for me and then lost her self-respect. Once you cross that boundary, you cannot go back. Be careful. Honest communication with H is the key and setting good boundaries. Once you let him tear down a wall, will H push to tear down another, then another? Pretty soon, there could be nothing left. Where is that going to leave you and your M?

I had written a huge post addressing this but held off for fear you would think I was hijacking. I saved it, if you want I can post it tomorrow. I have insight from personal experience, some of the things on your H's list. I can give you the LBS perspective.

I commend you on the compelling thread! That you have come here looking for advice, shows how much you love your H and are wanting your marriage. You should feel really good about yourself!

[Babygirl]

hey LE I have read LL posts, and posted to her, she would NeVER think you were hijacking and would probably love your input really. Hell, I need your input all the time! she will be just fine with it.

I guess you might understand me DQ. I am a wierd woman lol! I would love to go to a strip club, better me than his skank! in fact your version of what a strip club is, is exactly WHAT THE OW is, even now in her "dress" clothes, I knew she was skanky icky before I knew of her past lol! we have "movies" altho I am better at picking them out than he is lol. I so want the "swing" have you seen one?

[DanceQueen]

Swing; check.

Sex dungeon; check.

Sex closet of dress up clothes for both of us; check.

Books, toys, movies, cuffs, chains, clamps, whips; check.

I'm pretty much covered Babygirl....LOL! The guys in this forum who banter with me all day already know this about me...this is why I feel pretty confident giving ideas. I think I've got a few.

DQ

[diane74]

The original question was, " what could you do to show throughout the day or week to show him sexual desire, appreciation or validation? " That wont lead to sex.....

So, I have some of those......... lol As for more explicit things, have those too, but lets try these.lol ( loved this post btw )

These are things I use to do. I'm the HD of the marriage, so I don't anymore, but here they are

1) Use to send sexy notes in the lunch box for work. Sometimes even put one in the sandwich so he's accidentally find it. Guys at work would see, but I think he secretly liked that.

2) One day Id send a picture of myself either in the pocket of this jacket, or the lunchbox, or jeans............ Fully clothed. On the back it would say, : hey you, or hey sexy.. Watch for more. A day or 2 later, a picture me without something on. Very innocent at that point. THEN.......... take it as far as you want from there. He will be dying to get the next day, and the next photo. It will put a smile on his face for sure, and doesn't lead to sex, just appreciation. Well, maybe until the last day. Then he might come in and jump yah lol

3) During the evening, ( kids are awake ) Just brush by him, maybe whisper something in his ear like : You LOOK to hot today. Little comments that will peek his interest and or just bring a smile to his face. ( I use to kiss my hubby and bite his bottom lip slightly and say > " too be continued "

So, there's a few that don't necessarily lead to sex, but just show love etc.

[Babygirl]

LOL dq i love ya!!

[Lifeline]

Everyone -- thanks for your ideas, I appreciate them.
Diane, you are right. Right now I'm looking for ways to show desire without necessarily getting to the sex every day.
My H had a good analogy -- if he had betrayed me, he would know that I like flowers and would bring me flowers every day. Even if I threw them away, he would still bring them. And eventually I would accept them. And we would get to the point where I wouldn't need flowers every day.
That's what I need to do with sex. We have to get to the point where he doesn't need sex every day -- that's just unrealistic I think.
Thanks again to everyone.
I did go to a sexy shop yesterday and bought a few things that we both like!
LL