Wow! You know, I would kill to have the money to fly you up here, have you sit down with my w and give her a really good cuff in the back of the head!!! I absolutely love how you handled yourself, got everything out of your head and hopfully pounded into his! That is what I wish to say to my w withoout getting the lets just sell the house reaction. We cant even talk about our r because that is what happens every time.
I would just love for you to sit down and explain to her everything that you went through, how you dealt with it, and what you did to help yourself, your h and your r. Sounds to me like you just need to get 1 more wheel of that freight train of yours back on the right track and away you go.
I pray to God everyday for you and all the friends Ive made on here. You will need to look deep down inside your self when it comes to your h wanting to touch you and I hope you let him, while maintaining control. Intimacy is vital. I think that is the main thing that I am dealing within myself right now and why I vented the other day. I am so alone and almost feeling desperate. The other night when I was out with my mates, I dont know how I didnt pick up a girl at the bar. I had 3 or 4 choices. Im not trying to brag here and I had my mind set in the right place that night, but the temptation was great but I held off. Hell, I AM desperate! But I love my w and I a commited to her STILL! So it was easy for me to back off.
My point is that for me, as a guy, intimacy is vital. The last couple of nights I rented some comedies to get me out of my slump and it worked. I rented Bill Engvull (sp) - Heres your sign and also The Blue Comedy Redneck Tour. He says guys think about 3 things and 3 things only. Eating, sleeping and sex. We spend our whole entire day thinking about how we are going to get to the next level. And you know S2, that is SOOOO true!!! That would be me to a tee! Sounds like its your H to me as well. If you can help yourself accept your h's touch again, then you guys will be flying. That is MHO! Plain and simple.
Im not sure what to make of my w right now S2. I read a few things on smart marriages .com and all it did was make me upset. To a point where I went downstairs but only shed a few tears instead of the usual full on melt down. She actually asked me if there was anything wrong and I lied by saying no, there wasnt. I went about making dinner as usual and she goes you really like to cook dont you? This caught me by suprise because she knows how much I love to cook, experiment, burn things...you know! I said to her Ya of course, looking confused. But then I said that it is a stress reliever and it makes me feel good to provide for my family. She kind of smirked, nodded her head and then looked away?? Like what the hell??
This morning, I found out that both our girls aced their spelling tests on fri. I was so happy. My w and I both worked hard at helping them study for these tests. My oldest, D9 is struggling with her spelling and its our goal this year to try and fix that as much as possible. D7 is just starting out with her chicken scratch printing so we are both trying to keep on it. After I looked at their tests and hugs were givin, my w goes to me Hey!! We make an awesome team at helping them study eh???!! I looked at her and smiled but that was all I could get out because I honestly felt like kicking her in the head!! And that is not an anger or a rage issue. I wanted to do it because its what Ive been trying to tell her for 9 and a half months now!!! Its just so frustrating!!! YES WE MAKE AN AWESOME TEAM AND LOOK GOOD TOGETHER DOING IT TO!!!!!!!!!! Do you think she can hear me?
My mind races to S2. Yesterday she says that she had to go out to visit another collegue from work. This person is apparently applying for the same position my w has in the health authority, but in a different city so she wanted my w's advice. That was when my D7 had her meltdown yesterday, so I called w to get some advice on how I should handle this, because all my options were used up short of beating her! (Which you know I wouldnt do!) Anyhow, no answer, give her a text, no answer. So what do you think Im thinking and going through at that moment? And theres not a dam thing I can do. She did call 3 and half hours later saying she left her phone in the car and that she was so sorry. I say BS! she never does that. And her apology sounded so fake!! But do you think that if she was seeing someone else, she would have the balls to do it at that point in time. I could have very easily followed her. People that have full blown affairs are sneakier then that are they not? Like I said, my mind races....And so what? Then I follow her and find her seeing another guy. I guess that would solve a few problems for me then wouldnt it? Ive asked her about a dozen times in the past if there was someone else. Of course she said no. I like to think that Im smart enough to know that of course she will lie to my face, because I lied to hers when I was doing the chat room thing 5 years ago.
Sorry for hijacking your thread S2 and venting again. Its our federal election day up here in Canada , so Im going to go and vote. Just got home from the gym as well so I gotta go shower. I need to go somewhere, find a happy zen place, maybe read my bible a bit and just think. I feel like we are so close, yet so far. In reality, we probably arent even in the same book let alone just a few pages off. You take care. Things will turn out for the better for you, just keep the talks going with your h. I pray hes getting the message.
Im praying that my w's free will, will lead her in the right direction and thats back to me, back to church and back to God. Yes she missed out on Sunday again. And tonights theme at the marriage course is forgiveness. Perfect, my struggles just keep piling up, and my back is getting sore. All I need is faith.
HUGS to you S2. Talk soon.
Joe
M: 37 WAW: 35 D's: 9 & 7 M: 13 Bomb: 01/28/08 Status: Limboland Total bomb drops: Lost count! Support: Here, God above, and now the Love Dare
[/quote]So, Peter, are you going to go to the starting place in Newcomers I made--or are you going to start your own subject title? It will be better for you to do it, but since I've made the plunge, just be sure to check it out or else I will go back on and tell everyone where they can find you. Just let me know.[quote]
You mentioned "Newcomers I made", I'm not forum savvy, is this a thread you started? I was going to start my own thread. It's good to hear some progress is being made with the H. I think you told me, one step at a time. About God, you are right about hearing the right words. hat has always been my fear of hearing the words from the wrong source. They also say "idle minds are the devils play ground. Talk to you soon. Hang in there dear Peter
Whenever I come back to check on my thread and I see where you all have sent me a post and it is always full of love and encouragement, well, I would say that I'm at a loss for words, but you would never believe that......would ya? (lol) Seriously, I appreciate the prayers and the show of concern that you have given me. It does help so much to get the feedback from you that I have.
My H has been really trying to do little things to show more affection without just coming on too strong too quickly and I have been able to let him. I was a little tense at first, afraid that I would have that old feeling of not wanting him to touch me, but I didn't and I was very relieved. I feel like God is really helping me and I think it is b/c of you...my friends that are praying for me. Thanks to all of you, so much.
Joe, when I read your post, I wanted to cry and in some places I had to laugh (couldn't help myself) but in all of it....my heart went out to you. I know how frustrating it is when there is no communication in a MR......you know I do! I also know what it is like to get those "looks" that you dread so much that it keeps you from even trying to talk to your S. I did the same thing. I would put off talking b/c I just knew one of those looks would come right at me.
I have not done it in a real long time....years, in fact. But, I use to write letters to my H b/c talking to him seemed almost impossilbe. Maybe you could communicate with her through emails better, I don't know. It is better to try face to face, but as long as there is some type of communication going.....that is better than nothing at all.
Yes, there have been a lot of wives that I would like to get a hold of.....lol. But, who knows, maybe some day, she will be here writing to others and giving them advice. Just don't give up hope. When we lose hope, then we don't have anything to cling to and we hit rock bottom. Don't do that, Joe. Keep praying and hoping and believing. I will keep praying too.
God Bless, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I went downstairs this morning and started painting again. I felt good to be in the basement and getting some stuff done. I have to admit that for a guy that hasnt done a reno in his life, my basement turned out pretty nice! It will be even nicer once its clean without the tools down there. I put in some worship music by Micheal Smith. Normally, it would have been AC/DC or Metallica, I was even gonna try that new Kid Rock Cd. But I felt that listening to songs about God would help me get through the emotions that I felt were about to come on full speed the longer I spent down there. And sure enough...they did. So I sat on basement stairs and stared into my new theatre room...and had a cry. I prayed to. Asked God to watch over "my friends down south in the States whom I have never met, nor know what they look like, but know they are in some kind of pain or hurt, the same as me." I asked him to have mercy on my w, for she is blinded by the enemy and has no clear thoughts on her MR. I asked that he would guide her through the fog and come back to me on her own free will. I asked him to bless my girls, who are someewhat oblivious as to what is happening and what could happen between Mummy and Daddy. How, if it did, it would alter their precious lives forever....and I cried somemore.
Then after a bit, I felt that peace in my head and my heart. And with out further adieu, tackled my painting job head on, feeling better about myself. And I got it at least half done. For what I wanted to do any how. I like meeting my goals. You know, Im the type of guy that always has met my goals. If I wanted something bad enough, I would put my head to the grindstone and work my butt off to get it. I know I can beat this and get her back.
Tonight, she is out with a girlfriend at a pub around the corner. I knew she was going out but she pulled the old I decided to go there right from work thing. I wonder if she has thumbed through DR as well? She has been doing alot of things for herself lately. She always asks if its okay though, but what am I supposed to say? I just get out of the way now and let her do what she wants. I know that is the best thing for both of us right now. Thats ok, Ive got a good saturday planned out for myself. A little golf and then dinner at my cousins and hang out in the hot tub. We were supposed to go fishing, but the weathers supposed to turn for the worse this weekend. Heck, its already pouring outside, which means snow higher up. Right where we are supposed to camp. No thanks, Ill pass and take the hot tub any day!
About your H. This may not be any of my business, but in MHO is for you to keep up with the touchy feely thing. I would hope that it DOESNT lead to full on "stuff in bed" everytime, but just the snuggling, a rub on the back or shoulder, hell a grab on the a$$ is good to!!! It all helps. Builds confidence, trust, safety. I cant wait to start doing that again with my w. I miss that stuff so much. I feel empty these days. At night when we are in bed, if she turns over, even if its just her toe that touches my leg, causes me to melt. Ill take anything I can get! Its funny in a sick sense b/c Ill just lay there and try not to move...its silly. Just enjoy that little touch from her, even if she doesnt realize shes doing it!
Anyhow, I should go. Have to make sure my little ones are asleep. Loved your post back. You know I care. We all care. When are we gonna do that Caribbean trip anyhow??
Talk soon.
HUGS!!!
Joe
M: 37 WAW: 35 D's: 9 & 7 M: 13 Bomb: 01/28/08 Status: Limboland Total bomb drops: Lost count! Support: Here, God above, and now the Love Dare
Im losing hope, patience and faith. All I feel like doing is telling her to get out. Im having a hard time adjusting to her moods. And Im really despising the rejection. I hate the rejection. I want more out of this. I went out last night with some buddied to get some me space. I chatted a few women up at the bar, but that was about as far as I went with that. Im not into picking up women like that so please dont get the wrong impression here. I needed to be with the boys last night and thats what they wanted to do. Then I get to come home to this. You know, honestly, it doesnt feel like home anymore. Just a roof over my head, thats it. A place for my girls to play, thats it. This isnt the family life I dreamed of having. Shes ruining it all, for everyone. This week I am going to try and get the basement finished and then decide where to go from there. Ill probably put the house up for sale once its done. I have a sinking feeling Ill be contacting a lawyer soon. I cant live like this anymore, its to stressful. My head has never been so clear on this. She treats me like Im some idiot off the street. I just feel like telling her to go. Then she will see what its really like out there. I talked with a woman last night that is 36. She did the exact same thing to her h as my w is doing to me. She thought the grass was greener. Now she says that every guy she meets is a knob. In a year and a half, she says that I am the first decent man shes had a conversation with where I didnt make her feel uncomfortable! Can you believe that? I dont know. She wasnt drunk or anything and it was early on in the night so....?? Anyhow she told me how it took some hard thinking on her part, to figure out in her head where and what went wrong btwn her and her h. Now she wants him back. So much so, she started to cry. But he said nope - to late, youve made your bed so sleep in it. So if my w wants to go, she can go. Maybe that is what it will take for her to realize what shes giving up. And I really dont know if I would take her back either. Im just not sure I can trust her again. Harsh words today S2...harsh words.
Venting again. Tough feelings today. She doesnt care about me, why should I care about her?
Am I talking selfish again? Am I being selfish because I dont want to take this hurt and rejection anymore? I have a feeling your gonna let me have it S2..so bring it on. Im taking the kids to the pumpkin patch today. Something fun with Dad....that will make me feel better. I need some wisdom again.
Joe
M: 37 WAW: 35 D's: 9 & 7 M: 13 Bomb: 01/28/08 Status: Limboland Total bomb drops: Lost count! Support: Here, God above, and now the Love Dare
Dear Joe, no sweetie, I'm not going to "let you have it" b/c I know you are in enough pain as it is. I do see in your post where your emotions are all over the place, but then I suppose they have a right to be. Before you just tell her to get out or that you are selling the house, or see a lawyer or whatever.....I wish you would completely "drop the rope". I mean all the way. Tell her she is free and you won't stop her from doing whatever she wants to do and that you are tired of the fighting and trying to hold things together. But, continue to be the best Joe that you can be! The reason I am saying this....and the only reason (b/c it is a risk)is b/c of the people that have said that is what brought them to their senses. If you feel that there is nothing else to be gained, then what do you have to lose? Try dropping the rope as described in Michelle's book. Give it some time like that and see what happens. Continue to work on the basement and by the time you get everything fixed up, maybe you will know more about where things are headed.
Don't go and get crazy with some other woman that flirts with you or even has a reasonable conversation b/c you are very vulnerable and could cave rather easily, I think. After all, you are a man.....and have needs, so it would be easy when you have been rejected and hurt. So, be careful, Joe.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
