Its been a pretty "fun" weekend all in all. Friday was 6 Flags, yesterday DS played his last game and we went (as a family) to a Community College football game that was nice and mellow. Today DD and I went to our friends house for our now annual "carving party" and DS and H went to his football party. It was good all things considered. I've been busy so there hasn't been a lot of time to dwell on H and his drama, which has been good.
I read H4H's thread and I see so many similarities in our personalities, Karen too. I agree with Karen, I'm not sure that pitch black is in any of our natures, but it probably should be...for self preservation alone.
There is such a big part of me that is ready to walk away. To just be done and move on. I have so many people IRL that are telling me that H has shown me his true colors. His willingness to hurt me and the kids over and over should tell me everything I need to know and its getting easier to believe it. The lady that has helped me do all the LS and other stuff tells me CONSTANTLY that I should just walk away. Start dating, find a "friend", move on. There is another part of me that wants to fight still, but its getting smaller everyday. That part of me wants to believe that there is something worth salvaging, that I haven't just been holding on because I'm too scared to let go. I'm not foolish enough to actually believe the things H says anymore, I've been burnt one too many times. Thats not to say I don't WANT to believe them though, everyone WANTS to believe in some sort of fairy tale, right? My head says "no way", but my heart isn't a very good listener.
H was telling me a few days ago that his big plan is to go to the C and figure this all out so he can end up coming home, but if he is killing me in the process that he would understand if I moved on. He hopes I won't/don't, but would understand if I can't do "this" anymore. Then Thursday when we were talking about finalizing our "settlement agreement", I told him that either way this benefits him as well. It shows that he pays x amount of $$ per month and that would be helpful if he were here or not and he said, "well what if I don't come home?" and I wasn't sure what to say. He is a mass of contradictions. One day I am his confidant about this baby, then all of a sudden he doesn't want to talk about it and plays it real close to the vest. I just don't know what to think.
WDID...any insight?
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Its been a pretty "fun" weekend all in all. Friday was 6 Flags, yesterday DS played his last game and we went (as a family) to a Community College football game that was nice and mellow. Today DD and I went to our friends house for our now annual "carving party" and DS and H went to his football party. It was good all things considered. I've been busy so there hasn't been a lot of time to dwell on H and his drama, which has been good.
(((S&S))) GOOD! We all need that at times. And you definitely deserve some fun.
Originally Posted By: Sugar and Spice
I read H4H's thread and I see so many similarities in our personalities, Karen too. I agree with Karen, I'm not sure that pitch black is in any of our natures, but it probably should be...for self preservation alone.
Isn't that really what going dark (and DB in general) is all about, self-preservation? I think so. Going dark helps you to not further tarnish any good feelings you may still have about H. Anything that comes with it is a benefit. I DO need to take my own advice to heart one of these days...
Originally Posted By: Sugar and Spice
I'm not foolish enough to actually believe the things H says anymore, I've been burnt one too many times. Thats not to say I don't WANT to believe them though, everyone WANTS to believe in some sort of fairy tale, right? My head says "no way", but my heart isn't a very good listener.
And S&S there is nothing wrong with that IMO. We just cannot let it run our lives.
Originally Posted By: Sugar and Spice
H was telling me a few days ago that his big plan is to go to the C and figure this all out so he can end up coming home, but if he is killing me in the process that he would understand if I moved on. He hopes I won't/don't, but would understand if I can't do "this" anymore. Then Thursday when we were talking about finalizing our "settlement agreement", I told him that either way this benefits him as well. It shows that he pays x amount of $$ per month and that would be helpful if he were here or not and he said, "well what if I don't come home?" and I wasn't sure what to say. He is a mass of contradictions.
WDID...any insight?
Always always always... The angel will have some good thoughts I am sure
Take care (((S&S)))
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
More confusion, more mixed signals. I let H know that I should have some paperwork for him to sign (fingers crossed) by the end of the week to finalize our settlement agreement. His comment was: "Well this is what you say we need to do, so thats what we will do." I told him that if he had changed his mind that he needed to let me know, but that we had agreed that this would probably be the "best thing" for us and then he says, "It just feels like we are one step closer to a D." WTF? The only reason any paperwork has been filed or any precautions have been taken are because I have done it. I think he would be content to just pretend like nothing will happen and then when it does try and do damage control...after the fact. This needs to be done for MY KIDS, you know those ones that are already here and that we all know are actually yours.
We started talking about DS and some of the problems he has been having lately and H's comment when I said that DS was just having a rough time with everything was, "Well I don't think having your parents split up is the kind of thing that will ruin a kids life." My reply was, "Thats true, however the way you have chosen to do this has done all kinds of damage to both of them." "By dragging it out and not making decisions, you have hurt everyone way more than was necessary." He then said, "I'm sorry if I've f*cked our kids up." and the only thing I could reply was, "It really doesn't change it though." So sad. Our MC told us on our first visit that the kids would end up picking up the tab on this thing and its so true...a self fulfilling prophecy.
I've decided in my own mind that I will probably give it until about the first of the year and then call it a day. I can't wait aroung forever for him to decide to not decide. I don't know how some people around here do it for years at a time. One year separated will have been enough for me and he left on Dec. 28th of this year so New Years will bring a new beginning one way or another.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
He's just a DAM! I wonder why it might feel like you were one step closer to divorce! Geeeez! If that's not what he wants, he's doing a pretty crappy job of showing it!
Do what you need to to protect the kids. See what he goes once the baby arrives. You'll know what to do, then!
Do what is best for you and the K's. If H wakes up and comes along for the ride, great. If not, HIS LOSS!!!!!!
It already is his loss, hes just too caught up to see it.
Originally Posted By: Virtually_Handsome
He's just a DAM! I wonder why it might feel like you were one step closer to divorce! Geeeez! If that's not what he wants, he's doing a pretty crappy job of showing it!
Do what you need to to protect the kids. See what he goes once the baby arrives. You'll know what to do, then!
Amen to the first part and that is my plan in a nutshell to the second part. That is all I can do.
I love this idiot with all my heart, but I have learned that I can live without him and I also love my kids and myself enough to do the best thing for us.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
I love this idiot with all my heart, but I have learned that I can live without him and I also love my kids and myself enough to do the best thing for us.
I know everyone has to set their own time lines for what they can handle, but I really think if you went lights out on him and wasn't available for him to vent with, talk to all the time, you may see some progress. It will take time and consistency.
I know you have been through the wringer more times than anyone should, so I am with you Corey. I just think you need to be really committed to being dark for the next few weeks especially.
hugs,kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I love this idiot with all my heart, but I have learned that I can live without him and I also love my kids and myself enough to do the best thing for us.
Are you and I kindred spirits or what?
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
