Ready2Change (8) - Child Family Investigator

[smartcookie]

(((Ready))) sounds like you're comfortably detached from W.

Good Job !

How's work ?

Kids ?

[OnTheEdge22]

R2C - Just checking in and wanted to say hello. Sounds like you're in a good place and your patience is incredible! I hope she does let go of that anger. I feel like my W is holding a lot of that too -- I can feel it coming out of her sometimes in conversations.

Family time is awesome...my kids had Veteran's Day off Tuesday so I asked if they wanted to go to a movie. My D14 was scared to be seen with the "P's" at the theatre, so suggested we go to lunch instead. So I took them all to lunch and invited W to join us and she did. It was nice just to go out and have some fun with them. Hard to find things to do with kids age 10-18 that all enjoy...but I did it!

Take care and have a great weekend! Edge

[Joe]

Hi guys,

That is exactly how I feel about my w to. I think she is slowly starting to let go of her anger to and it is coming out in volumes at me these last couple of days, but my FF turnout gear is almost bullet proof other then fire proof so I am not willing to get burned or let her bullits get me!

The only problem is that it gets to hot when I wear it aroung the house all day and to bed at night!!! LOL!! (Obviously JKing)

Joe

[smartcookie]

(((((Ready)))))))

[Ready2Change]

This was my weekend with kids. Several interactions with W over the past few days. Big one was today. She was at church.... I saw her, so brought kids over and joined her. All my 180's were shining through. I looked good, smelled good. I was singing my heart out. Lots of smiling. No expectations from her. Still very little talking. Did say "Piece be with you" and shook her hand....Been months since we touched. No emotional reactions (on my part) from this touch....

[Ready2Change]

Been busy with GAL.

Had kids this weekend, so lots of fun with them. The school had two productions (F and R) S8 and D6 were involved in. Was able to DB while there....Hardest part for me is the "No communication policy" my wife has.

Kids and I went fishing with my dad today after church. All the kids caught at least one....

Had one of the "new neighbors" over for dinner last night. They have 5 kids plus 1. So 3 adults and 8 kids... Good time.

Now that my back is better, I was able to do more around the house. Sat I got more settled in by organizing some of the clutter that happened while moving from the "Marital house" to the rental.

Went out with friends Friday night. Had a good time playing pool. Met some interesting people....

[Joe]

Good on ya R2C. It was my first day back to work so I went to church tonight and it was powerful. Im relishing being there right now, even though I am alone. Im making friends there however and it was good to talk and pray with a few of them tonight.

Acting as if in front of wife again. Watched a funny movie with her tonight and laughed my head off as she slept on the other couch. I did take her up and I tucked her in bed. Which is where I am headed now to. Keep an eye out for Edgie. Spread the word that he has it tough right now.

Have a good one.

Joe

[Gypsy]

Geez Watusi..

I ask for a list and what does your wife do? Lots of stuff! And you, too!

Your direction, motivation and growth are amazing and inspiring. You're a wonder to know and I'm thankful to call you my friend.

*hugs*

[OnTheEdge22]

R2C - Thanks for the 2x4. I needed that. I'm glad you had a good weekend with the kids. Take care and stay strong -- it really inspires me too.

[Ready2Change]

So BH and Gypsy asked about My R goals.

Soooo.....

The question I always ask: What is in the best interest of my kids? First: My INTENTION is to have a loving relationship with W. THIS IS IN MY KIDS BEST INTEREST. I can control MY thoughts, words and behaviors in a way that is loving to my W. This is MY CHOICE. The way I react to W is also MY CHOICE. I will listen to her and validate her point of view without being defensive or judgmental. I do this by being empathetic to her.

Wife being at church during "my parenting time" was definitely a positive sign. She chose to be with me and the kids. 60 minutes as a family. I am not going to read anything into it. I enjoyed it. It is now a positive memory for me. One of the other church members also noticed....

The next most recent positive sign was S8 BD party. (I received a "Good night")

The next most recent positive sign was Halloween. W kids came to my neighbor hood. We spend 30 minutes going to my neighbors as a family. W chose to walk with me and the kids. Again, I did not read anything into it and I enjoyed it and created a positive memory for me.

I can see the positive signs when they occur. They come a lot slower than I would have guessed, but based on the "rule of thumb" time line of a month for every year of R, I still need to be very patient. Filling up her love bucket without pressure is the difficult part for me. I am focused on not dumping her bucket. Harder to DB while out of her space.

Next signs to look for:

1) More time as a family. 90 minutes.
2) More frequent time together as family. To do this, I need to open the door without pressure. Thanksgiving???
3) More eye contact. There is still very little. I still use this to gage OUR R.
4) Casual talking would be a positive sign. Currently there is very little.