Would you trust this woman enough to have children with her at the moment? In the future? Do you want a family?
I do not trust a single word that comes out of my W's mouth. If she is still in contact with OM then she's actively adulterous and all cheaters lie. About everything and to everyone.
The answer would be a firm "no" in her present condition. I do want a family very much and if my W returned to the woman she used to be then she would make a great mother.
I do not know how long I can continue and she doesn't seem to care too much about whether I trust her or not. She is too wrapped up in herself and what she wants. If she can lie and get away with it, so that noone gets in her way then that's all well and good.
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I can't work out why your W is being like this. Inside I hope that it is because she is confused/ afraid of/by commitment. Unfortunately my gut tells me, from what you have posted, that she is just attention seeking and it makes her feel good.
She is definitely confused, bewildered and lost. I think it's a combination of several factors: her conflict avoiding nature, grief about miscarriages that she has stuffed away, wanting to have a house and a few other things. When we started fighting a lot, and I became more verbally abusive as she withdrew - she asked OM out for a date and moved in with him about a week later(!). I think she realises this wasn't the best way to handle it, and she finds herself trapped in this "situation". One she knows will cause her massive pain if she tries to fix it. She's told everyone in her family "GH31 caused it" but they tell her that it was her decision to run off with someone else.
I am so outraged by the latest spate of deception that I have avoided her myself this week.
Detaching.
I have been pleasant around her but not sought out her company. However, as usual we have breakfast together before work and chat, chat, chat about anything and everything.
As per Phoenixdeux - I have been silent on the threats, ultimatums and talk of separation.
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
W and I travelled home together after work yesterday - shared the newspaper, chatted a little and I bought some fruit for us to share on the boat.
As part of detaching, I decided to leave her be completely last night and went out for a run along the beach. Just as I was leaving I made a few jokes about things and W said "you are a dear little thing sometimes GH31" and "you look nice". I always used to say to my W that she's a dear little thing so she borrowed my line. This probably sounds very trifling but I hear it so seldom that it's a shock when I do.
When I came back she was in her bed half asleep but I caressed her for a while until she was completely asleep and left her room quietly.
This morning she got into bed with me to tell me how wonderful the caresses were and said "you do know how to do some things to make me happy, don't you GH31?". She also mentioned that she had had lunch with her sister who told her it would be a good idea to get IC - for dealing with her resentment for my past wrongs. W said she had been thinking about some of things her sister had spoken of. I gently said "it hurts to get that resentment out but it hurts even more to keep it in". W said that I wasn't really "The Bad Guy" anymore and gave me a kiss on both cheeks before I left for work - she usually does this but she seemed more enthusiastic this morning.
Nothing really special to add - just journalling really.
Phoenixdeux - I am still silent on threats, ultimata and talk of divorce/separation. I'm still quite bewildered, lost and confused - just like W.
GH31
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
W was meant to meet me last night to go home and she wasn't on the public transport.
SMSs me to say that she has decided to go out after work and will be in later.
W doesn't come home at all.
I receive the following SMS message from W this morning:
I have decided to go away for the weekend and pamper myself. I am using money I set aside for film aware night see you tomorrow
What this really means I'm sure is: I have decided to go away to wherever OM is in Australia and f--- his brains out for the entire weekend. I am about to install some spyware on the computer so that I can verify this independently.
Once I have conclusive proof I will then determine how to act. I got a bizarre email from W yesterday saying how she's sorry she hasn't considered my feelings much these past few months but has been too resentful and that she wants me to enrich her life. She also said I should have just moved everything of hers into our old room - she would have done. But she has resolutely refused to move back in there so far.
My god this is incredibly tough. She is deceiving both me and her entire family now. I know that OM is in Australia - all I lack is conclusive proof but my intuition is screaming at me and it has never been wrong yet.
This is hell.
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
I am not going to write about how I know this for certain but I most certainly do. Suffice it to say that I know without any doubt that he arrived here on 11/04/2008 and will be leaving at 18:50 on 12/03/2008.
So that is where my W is. She has flown off to join him wherever he is and has lied to me and her entire family. W said to me that OM arrives at the end of this month - something which I suspected and now know to be a complete falsehood.
I am still in a state of utter shock and disbelief. It hasn't really sunken in yet. I am sickened to the core and she is going to pay for this. I am going to get her emails and other irrefutable evidence and expose her to her entire family.
At the moment I couldn't give two f---s whether this marriage survives. I know I have done everything in my power to save it so far.
At the moment I have not responded to any of her SMSs and will not for now. I have nothing whatsoever to say to her - in fact I don't know how I am even going to be able to look at her tomorrow.
What a vile, adulterous, dishonest slagheap of a person I am married to. She is not deserving of the title of "wife".
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
Yes. It is time for the game to stop. I want to expose her and shame her in front of her entire family - something which will really make her world fall apart.
After the fallout of this, I will decide how to proceed.
Right now I have no idea how this marriage could ever survive this adultery. No idea whatsoever - I just feel like vomitting when I think of my wife now.
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
You want revenge. I know the feeling. But moving on with your life without a word to her will shame her in front of the family. She will know what she did. You need to end the game and get a better life. A new life. You made it clear -- she could choose you or him. One or the other, not both. She made her choice. You were clear. She was sneaky. But the choice was made.
Listen to Sara. Don't go for the cheap shots like making your W look small in front of her family in order to make yourself feel some sort of satisfaction. It won't feel good in the long run.....and acts like that usually cost in the end.
Your W is an extremely selfish woman. Just go. Go and go dark also. Protect yourself. Your W is treating you like an idiot and you know you are worth so much more.
Don't decide now whether you want this M or not....it's all too raw and you are too close to things at the moment. Go do something for you. Go and find the life that exists outside of this situation.
It's time for your W to work at this M if it is to be saved. I would put money on her trying to talk you round again. So far it has all come from you.....and personally I do believe that after a certain stage it takes both parties to want to make the M happen; you can't always be the only one working on things.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Still no word from my deranged, adulterous wife. I feel like cutting her throat - I really do. I cannot get over the depths of depravity that cheaters will go to ensure a fix of OP. It's just unbelievably sickening.
I hope that there is a life after this.
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
