Sure, at times he's civil. He's kinda Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. No, he's never asked for forgiveness because he doesn't feel he's done anything wrong--I'm at fault. He's never even admitted to the A, even after I showed him proof--he just got hostile. No, I have not met her face to face, but I have emailed her. This all happened in May; he changed jobs in March, ran into an old girlfriend on one of the nursing units where he has chaplaincy students and got himself assigned there instead. In early May he began pursuing her, and one Friday in May she acknowledged the mutual attraction. Two days later our marriage was over--3 days before our 14th anniversary. He's not been on the fence for even a moment, refused counseling, never looked back. There's been no db'ing for me, because I don't really even exist to him as a person, only an inconvenience. It doesn't appear that any friends or family members have confronted him about any of this, and most of them probably don't know the truth. I don't know what he's told them. At some point over the summer he told a friend or two that he'd reconnected with an old friend, and they thought it was so nice for him since our marriage fell apart. Didn't bother to disclose the timing on all of that--that the marriage fell apart because of that reconnection.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Hoozh, I know it's hard. But I'm calling BS on you. There's been no db'ing for me, because I don't really even exist to him as a person, only an inconvenience. He is watching. You think he isn't but he is. You can DB just fine. Get a life. Find happiness. He is watching and wondering. I guarantee it.
Hoozh, I know it's hard. But I'm calling BS on you. There's been no db'ing for me, because I don't really even exist to him as a person, only an inconvenience. He is watching. You think he isn't but he is. You can DB just fine. Get a life. Find happiness. He is watching and wondering. I guarantee it.
Do you really believe that? Well, gal'ing is the only thing I can do, and I'm doing it. Trying, anyway. All the rest--going dark, 180's, etc. he completely doesn't notice. In fact, I've been dark since June, only contact him if absolutely necessary about finances or D--and that's less than once a week. And gal'ing I do for me and D, anyway. Now this most recent thing (see my thread)--yes, I had to draw a boundary. Which required mentioning the A. And it got the predictable response. But that's fine--I needed to draw the boundary, and when he kept pressing about "why?" I told him.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
SO MANY people say that they do-- but i too dont think so. at least not with my xh. shoot he WANTS me to go be intimate with someone else...told me himself he wants me to be happy and "fulfilled"..
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
at least not with my xh. shoot he WANTS me to go be intimate with someone else...told me himself he wants me to be happy and "fulfilled".. Oh, COME ON! Are you kidding me??? cagzmom, that is the same line THEY ALL have.
THEY ALL SAY THAT.
Think about it. They say it to let themselves off the hook. They say that because they are thinking about what they did.
YES, I think he is thinking about you. It hurts - It hurts HIM to think about it, so he doesn't want to. But yes, he is thinking about everything. He tries anything to avoid it, to hide, to run away from it. But when he awakes in the middle of the night, there it is, staring him in the face. There it is, all red eyes and full of malice. The monster. Yes, he is thinking about it. He cannot escape it. It's torture.
Did you ever read Crime and Punishment?
oh yes.
And I don't say this gleefully. I am not rejoicing because of it. But the plain fact is that it does not go away. Unless your husband is psychotic or sociopathic, he he cannot help but think about it.
You have no idea as to what goes through their heads.
You think they are out having fun and living the good life....
It really isn't what you think it is.
My therapist told me once to stop allowing the monsters in my head to come out and play, which basically means that the stuff in our heads is way worse then the reality of the situation.
Hang in there, it gets so much better and you will be OK, I promise.
(((((hugs))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
They had to fire someone and so I had to cover his hours. I have been working 10 hour days and trying to juggle my life.
Tomorrow my Husband will be home, he has been gone for almost 2 weeks, so that will help alot with the kids.
I have been playing Christmas music at work and driving everyone nuts, it has been alot of fun.
I spent all morning baking which I really enjoyed.
So now I am off to get my eyebrows waxed and then come home and make dinner and watch a movie with the kids.
The house looks like a bomb went off, so I guess I will be cleaning all day tomorrow and making things nice again before my Husband arrives....He hates it when the house is a mess. I guess this is my act of rebellion..HA!
Oh well, what the eye doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve over.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Ouch...sounds like you are in for a busy weekend Dearie!!!
I like what you said about not letting the monsters come out to play...I have done a bit of that this week so it was nice to know I am not crazy.
I am so glad things are settling down for you!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Hi BND, Just wanted to say that I am often thinking of your. I hope you will be able to relax a bit in between clearing up and cleaning the house. (((HUGS)))
