Personally, she would need to show some CONSISTENT improvement in her interactions with you before I would consider it. She obviously has no idea what she wants, why would you expose yourself to yet another disappointment so soon after the last?
"I'm sure I know what I want in terms of our R, when you are sure you share my goal I would be happy to go out. Until then I'm afraid that my answer must be no."
Man up.
H: 38 W: 36 S: 8 S: 5 M: 16 Bomb: 8/25/08 OM: 9/21/08 EA (Possible PA) with co-worker since 5/08 (at least...) Sep: 9/21/08 D Filed 9/23/08 My Situation
I've never posted to you but I think I've read all your stuff. Just wanted you to know that I think you are doing a real good job of staying sane in the midst of all the craziness. It appears that what you are doing is working. Your task is to real in your 110 pound fish using 20lb test. Your doing great being calm, steady and detached.
Sometimes I imagine your wife like in the movie Alien. You wife is writhing around waiting for the evil being inside of her to come out. It seems like at some point she will just pop like a big WAW zit or like the guy in Monty Python and normalacy will return.
Probably doesn't help much but you are actually inspirational to some others around here. Keep fighting the good fight. I check on you every day and am pulling for you.
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
Found out today that W put things on hold W OM1. Heard that she doesn't think it will go anywhere. W thinks OM is awesome and has a blast w/ him but W believes OM has too many issues. OM mentioned R w/ W was like end of his M (currently married).
W's BFF (OM1's BFF) is super mad. Literally yelling at W over this and talking her in D. Pushing her into D. BFF is toxic.
I had no expections because I felt like I was being played. Now I feel like W is lost.
Found out today that W put things on hold W OM1. Heard that she doesn't think it will go anywhere. W thinks OM is awesome and has a blast w/ him but W believes OM has too many issues. OM mentioned R w/ W was like end of his M (currently married).
Nutfarmer - Either that or I'm DBing descent. At this point, I'm GALing and PMA for me. Even BFF said, "he's saying things you wanted him to say for 6 yrs, well it's too late". What a b*tch. Talk about controlling.
Your right on point. She is treating everyone like garbage and lying to all our faces. She is confused right now.
If the answer is yes, I'll be maybe the lone voice here and say that you should then go for it. I don't mean, play coy and indifferent and ignore all her calls and e-mails. I mean, say yes to the date and go from there. If it doesn't pan out on the date, then what have you lost? If the date is fine, then you see more of each other, but things derail, what have you lost? I'm not saying chase her like crazy; I'm saying that you should guardedly give her a chance to put her money where her mouth is. Let her try to win you back.
Go on this date. Have fun. DO NOT have a deep discussion about your future. If she wants to talk about it, just say, "I'd like to just try to have an enjoyable date with you tonight, like old times, and then we can talk about 'us', if there is an 'us', after that." Make the most of it. Wow her with how awesome you are. And then search your feelings for what you want out of this. Then ask yourself if there is a chance. If she's still interested after your date, tell her straight out, "you have one shot. Show even the slightest interest in OM and I'm done. There is no other chances. There is no explanation. I'm just done."
But that's me. I might have jumped back in too quick with my ex-wife, but almost three years after she made a similar, "can we try again" announcement, we are still together. But it takes work. And if you get to the point of actually trying again....you'll need help. My wife and I are making it work more from her efforts than mine. But I don't know your wife....can she do what it takes to make this work?
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
Add me as a second "lone voice." I think that makes perfectly reasonable sense, Phoenix, so long as you include the strong (non-negotiable, actually) caveat that you stated.
