Found out today that W put things on hold W OM1. Heard that she doesn't think it will go anywhere. W thinks OM is awesome and has a blast w/ him but W believes OM has too many issues. OM mentioned R w/ W was like end of his M (currently married).
So you must be the back-up plan. Blech.
She needs counseling.
Nut
Yes, she probably does need counseling.
But what she said is NOT the same thing as A being a back up plan. The OM WAS THE BACKUP PLAN. She's waking up that this isn't going to solve her problems, that OM "has issues"...OMG, that is the greatest realization that she can have!! Wait a minute...this guy has issues...I'm just part of his issues...WTF am I doing??
And if BFF is PUSHING her to D...then that will probably push her BACK to A, who isn't doing any pushing. I think someone trying to push her to D could be a big part of what's getting her so messed up in her own head...because it's challenging her "belief" that she should divorce. Now with someone pushing it, she's like..waitwaitwaitwait.
Also, A, your friends and family think W is bad for you and you should get rid of her...does that make them toxic? Maybe her friends really think you won't change. I think they are toxic too BTW, but do you see what I'm saying? I would expect her friends to talk that way, so don't get too worked up about THAT.
Lastly, I agree with Phoenix, even though I told him he can't post on my thread...
Are you strong enough now A in O? By now you should be in the, "what the he77, I've got nothing to lose" mentality. If you can kick her to the curb, if necessary, and never look back, and you are to the point that you can't be hurt badly by her anymore, then you are in the driver's seat, which is where you need to be.
That being said, I'm worried because your wife sounds so wishy-washy and all over the place.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
A--Been away for a couple of days, just catching up.
What do you have to lose by saying yes to the date? If it goes well and you keep it light-hearted, that might negate some of the effects of her toxic friends. You could get your W back and get those people out of her life at the same time. At some point you've got to say, "this is what I have been working towards" and let W back in for a glimpse. Maybe this is the moment.
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
Phoenix/LE/Breakaway/WhatdidIdo/Puppy/Superstar - You're all amazing peoplel that ask great questions and offer wonderful perspective. I've said it again, but THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING.
Little update to my sitch... W called this morning to tell me her and BFF (broke up). W doesn't know that I know the details. W was vague and said BFF was controlling and manipulative (I said that two yrs ago but just showed empathy).... She is planting the seeds, on her own, to come home. W knows that BFF had to go for us to work.
W kicked OM2 to the curb today. Also found out both were EA, not PA. Strong EA's though.
Excellent points from the board I need to consider.... "If you can kick her to the curb, if necessary, and never look back, and you are to the point that you can't be hurt badly by her anymore, then you are in the driver's seat, which is where you need to be. " Excellent point!
"I'm worried because your wife sounds so wishy-washy and all over the place. " --------She is, there is no doubt. She is hurting and sick.
"She is just going to crush you once again." ----- This is an honest comment. Will she try to do it?
Questions asked.... Do you want her back? Infedility was always a deal breaker to old A. I was insecure and didn't understand W's issues and hurt. My faith is pulling me in both directions right now. New A has to decide. I can't let my ego or selfish pride get in the way. I feel it at times trying to overwhelm me. It makes me grow angry. I'm happy I have an IC that gave me some good tools to help combat it on focus on my goal.
Are you strong enough now A in O? This is the million dollar question. Old A couldn't do it. Don't know if new A is ready.
I will pray on those questions for the next two days. When I get home, it has to be "go time" either way....
