Well, your W is not the only one crying this morning. Tears of joy for you both! It is a start and I am so happy for you. Now, revel in the glory for a bit, then it is time to roll up your sleeves and get busy at the business of rebuilding.
I am thrilled for you!
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
I think this is a VERY good start, and -- in my opinion -- your wife sounds sincere. (I know, I know, everyone's shocked, right? LOL). Her words and actions just "ring true" to me.
Your lists, however, are WAY to "fuzzy" to me. Where is the agreement to no-contact and transparency??? Considering she has JUST come thru multiple OMs, this, to me, would be absolutely "1a" an "1b" on my list, and here's why:
Even IF she is sincere right now (and again, I believe she is), she is WAY too weak, emotionally, to pull this off without a bullet-proof no-contact/transparency plan in place.
Sandi, WDID or other FWAWs/AWAWs can chime in on this one as well, but I think you'd be playing with fire without having this in there, and NOW is the time to do it, as it is your moment of maximum leverage.
I'm sorry to be a "buzz-killer," man, I really am. But I was given this same advice, and I backed off on some of it, and I later regretted it -- BIG time. This is NOT a "negotiation"; you are perfectly within your right to tell her what YOU need in order for her to return.
Puppy - Your right, I wasn't prepared for the negotiation piece.
I left out the honest and transparent part of the talk. W has always had confidence issues and always thought I was hiding stuff. Was always defensive about things because no one trusted her. I WAS hesitant to discuss this but we did talk about it.
W brought up my "date" and how much it hurt her and it pushed her toward OM1 because she thought that it was truly over. W thought that she was easily replaceable. Right then, I wrote down my Yahoo user name/password and also my Blackberry password and gave it to W. W said, "what is this for". I told her, if you ever doubt, just log in and look. W did the same for yahoo but not for phone. I said to W, "This will not work unless we have no secrets". W said that she is done w/ BFF and her brother (OM1). They are both pi$$ed we are working this out. Said that her phone isn't locked and I can look at any time.
Now this doesn't mean things can't be deleted or sneaking can occur.
I feel it's necessary to go back and talk about this based upon Puppy's recomendation.
W came over immediately after work. I made one of her favorite dinners and then we make cupcakes as a family (D7's B-day is this week).
W wasn't feeling well so I picked up a bunch of the slack. I can't begin to count the number of "thank you's" I got. W insisted on cleaning half the house even though she was sick. Again, this women admitted to not cleaning or cooking prior to seperation. Hell, this was the first time she ever made cup cakes.
I played w/ the kids while W layed on the couch. W loves to watch me play and laugh with them. I always catch her gazing and smiling at us.
W leaves for MILs and kids stay at my house. W has them the rest of the week. W sends a text that she forgot something. I let her know that she can pick it up in the morning and wished her a good night. W replied, "I will try... don't want to be here.. :(" I replied that I miss her too. W responds w/ "Dream of me, ILU".
Things seem to be going well. ....I'm still having anger issues w/ EA and OM1... Actully, resentment and hurt are more accurate. This is going to be a long road.
