You know Mike, I now think John and you are right. That was most likely why she was questioning me on the status of my relationship with GF40.
It is kind of funny when I think back about body language - on the coffee table in front of her was a brand new Vietnamese cookbook given to me by GF40. Whenever she was talking about GF40, she would look or point towards the book as if the book was GF40.
When she dropped me back off at work, she said that there was so much more she wanted to talk about but was pressed on time to pick up the kids. If she wants to talk again, I am going to have to say I only want to talk about the kids or her getting her things from the house.
Another thing she kind of scolded me on was that I had told the kids that it was best not to openly share with their mother all the details of what goes on with GF40, her daughter, them and myself. She says that D6 told her that daddy said not to talk about GF40 with her. What I told the kids was that I thought that it might hurt their mother if she heard too much about GF40 just like I dont like to hear all the details about her BF68. I made it clear that I am not forcing the kids to be secretive, but only to have some understanding that it might be painful for their mother to hear about daddy's girlfriend. Apparently, W pumps them for information.
We are friendly for now, but will she become more difficult because of jealousy as she hears more of GF40 from the kids.
If you were more "accepting" and open I think too she would have said she wanted to give it anoher try, slowly. The reason she asked about GF40 was to figure out how serious you are with her to check the temp and see if she has a chance. She may not feel anything about the OM but she will not let go unless she knows you will take her back...
I am glad you feel so at peace with your decision. This is what we are all looking for. I dont see many people here on these boards feeling as sure as you do. I am happy for you Kerry. xx K
I agree with Kalni. I think that..maybe....the dorkelhose is losing it's shiny appearance and that she was trying to stick her toe back in the water.
You sound resolute and strong. WTG. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
You know Mike, I now think John and you are right. That was most likely why she was questioning me on the status of my relationship with GF40.
It is kind of funny when I think back about body language - on the coffee table in front of her was a brand new Vietnamese cookbook given to me by GF40. Whenever she was talking about GF40, she would look or point towards the book as if the book was GF40.
When she dropped me back off at work, she said that there was so much more she wanted to talk about but was pressed on time to pick up the kids. If she wants to talk again, I am going to have to say I only want to talk about the kids or her getting her things from the house.
Another thing she kind of scolded me on was that I had told the kids that it was best not to openly share with their mother all the details of what goes on with GF40, her daughter, them and myself. She says that D6 told her that daddy said not to talk about GF40 with her. What I told the kids was that I thought that it might hurt their mother if she heard too much about GF40 just like I dont like to hear all the details about her BF68. I made it clear that I am not forcing the kids to be secretive, but only to have some understanding that it might be painful for their mother to hear about daddy's girlfriend. Apparently, W pumps them for information.
We are friendly for now, but will she become more difficult because of jealousy as she hears more of GF40 from the kids.
I think we are all spot on..
and it's too bad she pumps the kids for info..that puts them in the middle..
You don't want to hurt G40 and you're not open to hearing what your spouse has to say. Who does that hurt if there's a possibility of reconciling? The kids.
It takes a lot to rip apart a marriage and family. Hurt and pain can make sure it's never put back together. The inability of both parties to effectively communicate with each other makes sure things stay mucky.
I'm a great believer in facing the "What if's". If my wayward spouse came back to me, I'd be very wary. Who have thunk he'd bolt, shack up with a young woman and become a weekly one hour visitor to his children, if that? But ya know what... we married with great love, we brought each child into the world with love and joy, we respected each other and cared for one another. That gives him second chance... not because of what he's done, but because of what we were and had. I think it's like muscle memory.. if you don't use it, you lose it. If you try again, it starts to or might come back.
One person is never the sole cause for the breakdown of a marriage. It's what is accepted, denied passively that starts the slippery slope downward.
I'm at a point now where I can accept I will be divorced. To get there part of me had to stop thinking about the loss of the family unit. It is what it is. I have no control over what spouse does nor do they. I reconcile myself to the fact we had 25 years together, our kids had a singular family from the ages of 22, 17 and 13 respectively.
So, Kerry.. what I'm saying is the exact opposite of all the positive feedback you're getting. You might owe it to the kids to hear what she has to say... even if it is her getting things off her chest. Remember.. you know how to DB.. and hear what is true.
You don't want to hurt G40 and you're not open to hearing what your spouse has to say. Who does that hurt if there's a possibility of reconciling? The kids.
It takes a lot to rip apart a marriage and family. Hurt and pain can make sure it's never put back together. The inability of both parties to effectively communicate with each other makes sure things stay mucky.
I'm a great believer in facing the "What if's". If my wayward spouse came back to me, I'd be very wary. Who have thunk he'd bolt, shack up with a young woman and become a weekly one hour visitor to his children, if that? But ya know what... we married with great love, we brought each child into the world with love and joy, we respected each other and cared for one another. That gives him second chance... not because of what he's done, but because of what we were and had. I think it's like muscle memory.. if you don't use it, you lose it. If you try again, it starts to or might come back.
One person is never the sole cause for the breakdown of a marriage. It's what is accepted, denied passively that starts the slippery slope downward.
I'm at a point now where I can accept I will be divorced. To get there part of me had to stop thinking about the loss of the family unit. It is what it is. I have no control over what spouse does nor do they. I reconcile myself to the fact we had 25 years together, our kids had a singular family from the ages of 22, 17 and 13 respectively.
So, Kerry.. what I'm saying is the exact opposite of all the positive feedback you're getting. You might owe it to the kids to hear what she has to say... even if it is her getting things off her chest. Remember.. you know how to DB.. and hear what is true.
*hugs*
I'm speechless..
What actions has she taken Kathleen??
What actions has she taken??
she's been eating plenty of cake, pumping the kids for info and making sure she is taken care of in the settlement..
