Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

[phbear316]

Hi SG

LOL, that will never happen he will never DB me back. For he does not know what it truly means to love someone. And you are right his loss. BIG TIME.

I do hope things are better for you, and wish you a blessed and wonderful Thanksgiving!!

hugs
bear

[phbear316]

Arthur

Yes GM and I are good mates, one day here and I are going to meet up for we do live very close to each other,

We are going to meet for a drink some day!!

Yes, we both need to move on with our lives. for the time for me is now.

I deserve a second chance at life and happiness, and I am going for it.

hugs
bear

[phbear316]

Journal for me

How do you do it, how do you just walk away?

I let the cat out of the bag yesterday with stbex, I got the typical phone call hrs before he is leaving to do something with either ow or his family.

He calls and says oh by the way, thought i would give you a heads up I am going to fla tomorrow and coming back early friday am.

So I take a deep breath, and say well I am moving out friday am. He says to me, your moving out? yes.....what are you taking is what I get? Dining room set....Oh and the bedroom set. No, I am not talking that don't want our marital bed.

I say I am sorry I had to tell you this way, I did not want to. Then he says well what about the house, what are you going to contribute to it? My reply was we will talk about it H, we will talk about it.

I find myself between anger, and hurt. Now all of a sudden H you now want to talk, you now want to know what I am doing to help you pay the bills at the house which for the last few months you have had no problem with. Now your suprised I am leaving? How much longer was I supposed to sit and wait for you to either make the move, file? THis whole thing has been going on since 2006. How many more days, weeks, months, years am I to wait.

How much more disrespect am I to take? YOu now have gotten so bold to talk to her on the phone when I am in the other room and can hear every word? To watch you walk you the door to someone else to come home from being with someone else? How much longer H? You cannot look me in the eye anymore, you cannot talk to me about the weather, but non stop texted me wanting to know if I was taking the cat.

This am, i started the shower he was already done, I came back out of the bathroom and said to him, well have a safe flight and have a good time. I got back yea have a nice holiday.

I cried the whole time in the shower, why?

I hate confrontations and did not want to get into the whole thing with him last night or this am. I came home right from work hoping he would want to talk, nope he was with GF cause he would not see her for OMG 3 days.

I know and believe in my heart of the title of my stich, sometimes goodbye is a second chance. I deserve this second chance, just afraid that someday there will never be someone again in my life.
Guess I am just riding that emotional rollercoaster of the big D

thanks to all who read and let me vent

hugs
bear

[FLTC]

Wow! You sound remarkably well adjusted, unlike so many of us here! Good for you. It's still ugly, though. Yeah, the disrespect that comes your way is to me how an unwanted dog is treated.

[phbear316]

FLTC

Thanks for thinking I am well adjusted. The past few days I feel I cannot hold it all together. From being excited to am I making a mistake.

Yes it is ugly, and you are true the disrespect is more than anyone including myself should have to handle, or have to deal with.

I have today at work, changed my address with the post office, and DMV. This is really happening and i am scared out of my mind.

I just have to keep reminding myself of all the wrong things he has done and is doing to me. I just always thought I would never be the one to give up, but I had to give up on a marriage that does not exist.

I said to my mom this am, this is such an emotional rollercoaster, i knew it would be hard but not this hard. But I will survive it, I will, I have to. I said, we can stay separated for however long, but I needed to get out and move on since he has moved on without me to find his true happiness, with someone else.

hugs
bear

[Arthur]

GL Bear, whenever there is something big happening the head does summersaults. Once your out and in your new place, you will be able to breath and focus properly on yourself and GAL ing and that PMA.

Have a great weekend.

GM - You don't need a man, stop the rush sounding messages and enjoy yourself. You'll not meet someone when needing one, you'll meet someone when you least expect it and all that stuff you have planned, diet, kick boxing, getting your new place, concerntrate on all that first and obviously Gabby. Anyone that has gone through DB, for me will be one hell of a catch. (sorry to jump on here for that to GM bear, but maybe some of it applies to you anyways.)

[phbear316]

GM

I am a wreck over this. I cannot keep anything down, i am just a bunch of emotions and it did not help this am that he called.

Strange, very strange, he is just all over the place. Again asking me what I am taking so he is prepared when he comes home friday night. Again i told him little things and the dining room set and kitchen stuff.

I said there is another dining room set upstairs you can use he said I know. I did say this was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, and don't think it was easy. You said a year ago we were going to talk about this and nothing has happened one of us had to do this.

He then says we will talk after he gets home, and he will call the woman for mediation and set up an appt. I wanted to say but did not for my emotions were starting to get the best of me was, now all of a sudden you want to put this into warp drive, are you kidding me? No h you will wait for me till when I am good and ready after the holidays.

I wished him a happy thanksgiving and to wish his family also. (even though I have not spoken to a majority of them in over a year and mil for 7 months, why I don't know)

That is what I am looking forward to, having friends over. I hope there will be lots!! need them to keep me busy.

Arthur, no worries about jumping on my stich to GM its good. Yes it applies to me also. Summersaults is not the word. More like elephants rolling around in my stomach!!

Thanks to all for the good wishes
hugs
bear

[kml]

Bear -
I am finally getting around to reading a book many people have mentioned before - Why Men Love Bitches. Seems to me it might be a good read for you right now.

Have FUN moving into your new place. Take anything you think you might need. Don't forget how much it costs to replace things like spices, mixing bowls, lamps, etc etc. Take your share! Let HIM go buy new frying pans.

Ellie

[KenF]

phbear,
from an exDAM, he's not asking about the furniture or what you're taking. thats just a front, he cant believe you're actually do it and it freaks him out. and trying to discuss what you're taking is just the best excuse he can come up with. also, he may be trying to put on a tough front like - "she thinks she can do this to me? I'll show her"

I agree with Ellie to a certain extent, but within reason, you dont want to do or take anything that would cause you guilt later. Right now the anger, as completely justifiable as it is, could excuse almost anything. Later when you're free from the anger, guilt has the tendency to raise its ugly head.

enjoy your move, enjoy your new place, do it with all the grace and dignity you deserve.

[phbear316]

journal for me

Well I am sitting alone in my new apt..and all I feel is numb. Is that normal

I think and know I am over tired for almost everything is put away. I just need cable, I cannot believe how depend I became on TV even just for background noise most of the time.

So its been dvd's in the laptop

And if anyone reads Gabbysmom stitch, I confessed something.

I should put it on my own stitch, thanks to facebook, an old friend and co-worker who left have gotten back in touch with each other. We have been emailing each other back and forth for a long time. He came over thanksgiving night to help me pack, and move some final boxes. The joke the whole time was what can we do to make a lasting impression in your old house for your ex to find. Joke was we should messup the bed.

Well after a few hrs together it almost happened. I had to stop it I could emotionally handle it in my home, for I could not do what h has done to me in my home for the last few hrs that i had left. I could not leave with that memory it seemed to me more of a revenge thing.

Well friday my friend came over and helped me hang some blinds, well needless to say, we broke in my new mattress on the floor. I have not one regret of what I did.

This person is younger, we have discussed this openly the age thing and lots of other things, he has no problem with any of it. He has always liked me even when I was married he was kinda jealous of my stbex that I was with him.

Where this is going, I have no clue, but we are just going to take it for a ride. Seems we have lots in common his last relationship ended two years ago like mine and he had been with no one.

I know hit me if you wish with the 2x4's if you must. But my eyes are open. I just want to have fun.

kml-Ok I will look for that book, your right I have felt so guilty about taking stuff, which to replace on my end will cost me money, But I left him with enough to live. He will survive he wont cook he will be at OW more often I think he just came home cause it was his responsibility or he felt he had to show his face once in a while.

Ken F I think you are right, I think he is in a little shock, I don't ever think he thought I would do this. If others asked he would be like no she won't move out. Well H I'm gone.

I am trying so hard to let go of the anger, just rears its ugly head now and then. I will hold my head up high with grace and dignity.

I even cleaned up before I left.

hugs
bear