Haven't posted on my own thread in 6 months, but have been lurking and sometimes posting on others.
I thought I at least had something 'new' to post about.
After 4 years of silence, my xMIL made a point of coming up to me where I work and starting a conversation. This was deliberate on her end...she could have left my place of business and I would never have known she had been there.
You would have been so proud of me. As much anger and hurt I felt towards her, it did not throw me for a loop at all seeing/talking to her out of the blue like that. I guess time does make an impact on our feelings good/bad whether we realize it or not. I even managed to wish her a sincere Merry Christmas and to pass my wishes on to my xFIL. It was a very civil, friendly exchange, with just a few questions to me about the boys and my new position at work. Did bring up Xs name once, but only in regard as to what he had told her about one of the boys. It seemed like she could have/would have visited longer, but my work kept interrupting the conversation. Too bad. I would have liked to have seen where it would have gone. I mentioned all of this to my own mom , and you could hear her smile over the phone. She seems to think the whole thing is rather 'fishy', and said she wouldn't be surprised if I don't see xh in the store next being friendly. Considering I haven't talked to him since before the D (2 years) I doubt that, but my mom has a way of being right about alot of things even when they seem like they're coming out of left field.
I told mom I believe that MIL may have just been feeling guilty all these years dropping me like a leper, and she might have wanted to hold out an olive branch in hopes of getting me to put in a good word about her to my boys...so that maybe she'd see them once in awhile. Remember, they're 30 and 25. I have not and will not mention this to them. If they're invited to her place for Xmas, it's up to them if they go. They just might since they've gotten closer to their dad again. They'd do it for him if he asked them to, and I guess that would be good. But I do know they would not do it without clenching their teeth. They've never had a close relationship with her because of the way she'd talk /lecture them when they were young boys. They'd rather hide in their rooms if she was there visiting, or have me tell her that they were somewhere else whilst they hid in their rooms like quiet little mice!! LOL Not nice, but she never wanted to be an active grandma while they were growing up, and she pretty much ignored them while her son tore his family apart, so what goes around seems to come around. I do hope for everyones sake that there will be amends made. But she certainly has a lot to make up for as far as repairing her relationship with them. Better late than never I guess. I just hope she doesn't try to use a visit with them to persuade them to look at the past any differently than they have.
Her son made his choices, and she really doesn't need to try to make excuses for him to his sons. They will decide in their lives, as they get older how they want to look back on their family life as we once were....and how we ultimately ended up.
Anyway, I think it was a positive step for her, even if she has a hidden agenda. The ice needed to be broke somehow. I just hope her hidden agenda is not for her sons sake in anyway. He should be responsible for that on his own.
So...even though we feel the other side has forgotten us, rest assured they haven't. After 4 years, I know it couldn't have been easy for her to face me..especially knowing her part in things.
In case I don't get back to post before the Holidays, I wish all of you..oldies and newbies a blessed Christmas, safe travelling and a happier, healthier New Year in 2009, with many families being reunited with Gods love surrounding them.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
As an afterthought, this last week marked what would have been out 32nd wedding anniversary. I hope I crossed his mind on that day..I know he crossed mine.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
Hi Creed, Well well! wonders will never cease. I guess as usual time will tell. This is strange as last night I actually read some of my early posts and thought about my MIL. (I have never gone back and done that even after all these years). It must be 7 years no contact for me though so for her to approach me would be a miracle of epic proportions. I still think of x on aniversaries-not sure he does the same. My 35th wasn't too bad but his 60th birthday was a bad day for me-took me by suprize as I consider myself well healed. Enjoy the holidays and all good wishes to you and yours for 2009.
Never say never I guess is the phrase. I'm sorry you had a bad time on his birthday, but I know what you mean. I react/feel the same way on 'special' days. I guess it's the part of us that still wants to be there for them, not only to celebrate with them, but also to be who they turn to when they're hurting, or sick, or grieving , etc. You know what I mean? I think it's the love that we have for someone that we can't give to anyone else, and its something we have to tamp down when there's no contact at all. I don't think it will ever go completely away. We gave a big part of ourselves to them..and that part of us went away when they did.
I was pleased that xMIL did what she did, but I'm not fooling myself either. Not many in that family do anything without having a more complicated motive for doing so. I know that sounds pessimistic, but I'm not as naive as I used to be I guess.
Wishing you and yours all the best, too!
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
Not sure it was a nice holiday surprise, but it did put a smirk on my face for the rest of the day (chuckle)
So far this winter is starting out like gangbusters! We're suppose to get another big storm starting tomorrow. Inches and inches of snow and some sleet thrown in for good measure
Hopefully the worst of it will hold off till I get done work tomorrow night, but I'm not really expecting that it will.
How have you been doing in your situation?
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
Hi Creed, well my d just called to say she had received a Christmas card and note from her Aunt (my daughter's Dads sister)the FIRST in 7 years! She wrote that she had often thought about her and thought that maybe it was time to mend some bridges!
Do you think there is something in the air? needless to say I haven't had one. We shall see. I have often thought I would contact them but then I think -let sleeping dogs lie-it took me so long to get over all the pain I cannot risk undoing any healing that has taken place for me. Maybe I am selfish or a coward. I am so glad you understood about the birthday,not everyone does and I know what you mean about the taking care of. I guess we will always have those feelings in our heart.
It depends on who you ask! Mostly I am doing ok, I am working on forcing some type of change from H. That's not especially DBing other than I am not in his face ranting and raving but I am not sticking my head in the sand ignoring everything anymore. I am trying to gently bring issues to the surface and get H to talk about them and talk to me. I'm not very successful but there has been slight progress. I can't get him to leave, yet he won't really 'be home' either.
Are you getting more hours at work now? you work in retail right and have varied schedules?
New reports say we are already ahead of last years records for snow. Woopee.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Had no idea I hadn't been back to my own thread in years! Lurk and post to others once in awhile, but..... But yes, I'm still around and kicking.
Let's see, the last time I had any type of conversation with XH was before the divorce in 06, and that would have only been a strained discussion of legalities that needed to be worked out (or not). Soooo...lets safely say that it's been 6-7 years since a real conversation....and definitely not a single word since 06. That ended today.
Won't get into details, but there was a smidgeon of a type of contact last week, which blew me away, but no direct contact. Just had thought it VERY strange that he'd try to contact me at all, especially when the reason for it could have been handled by third parties.
I'm at work today, I turn around...and BAMMMM...there he is trying to get my attention. I walk over to an area (thinking in my head 'what the hell is going on'..feeling my face turning several shades of red. And friends....I was splendid. I handled the whole thing soooooo good. I visited, I smiled, I laughed, I made little jokes. We basically had a really nice little min. conversation about inconsequential things. He asked how I was, etc. I mentioned some of the accomplishments (dreams) he's been able to reach since the divorce. It was just a really nice friendly conversaation between two people. It just ended with us saying it was nice to talk. No nothing special. I can tell you, that I certainly praised the Lord after. I always wanted to know if I could handle speaking to him again, looking him in the eyes again. And, low and behold I could. Sure, I still felt that pull...but I also felt a different feeling. A feeling of confidence in myself. I felt no shame, just pride in what I have been able to accomplish, what I've learned about myself, etc. through the years since we connected at all.
Why this slight contact last week, and now this full blown contact today...I don't know. There's nothing he can be trying to lead me into...no deal that he can try to sneak himself out of. No reason I can think of, other than maybe just curiousity, or sneaking a peek out of the cloud of fog.
Whatever the reason, I felt a little lighter the rest of the day. I had reached a milestone that I didn't know if I would reach or not...and I survived it. I'm so glad that so many of the negative emotions I've been able to work through over the past several years. I actually enjoyed 'joshing' around a little with him today. We still seem to share the same type of humor we had years ago. I'm telling no family about this. I don't want anything blown out of proportion, or someone trying to make something out of this that it isn't, or to get words of warning. But it was an answer to many prayers over the years. I know he planned this meeting, I know he tried to make sure I would step aside and speak with him. We didn't just accidentally happen to bump into each other.
Honestly, I can say I wasn't sure this day would ever come. But it did, and it was handled very well by both of us, and I'm eternally thankful for that.
Just thought I'd share a praise report and a positive ending to several years of no contact.
Best wishes to all and a blessed Easter weekend. To all those in the storm stricken areas, my prayers are with you.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
