I haven't responded to W's email. Not sure I'm going to at this point. She wants things on her time table. I'm not doing that anymore.
W called and left a message about day care arrangements said that she will pay for daycare if I take S6 to school. I can't pass this deal up. It will help me financially. Said that sitter can start tomorrow.
Quit reading that crap between your W and OM and move on. You need to become unavailable. I guess we truly got the sense of things. I wonder if her "coming back" to you, was basically what got OM interested again. Doesn't matter, that relationship is going nowhere, and hopefully, the one between you and your wife won't be going anywhere for the foreseeable future. I'm sorry...I know it has to hurt. But you can't keep scratching that itch by looking at their correspondence.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
Phoenix - I'm done looking at that garbage. It's not helping me detach.
W is trying to punish me over the daycare sitch. Getting the old "you're not trying to work it me", "What's going on Monday that you can't get them (this time it followed w/ a "nevermind" right after)", "we can't work together", "I see your too busy","don't worry about going to the denist this weekend because your so busy".
I validated a little "I understand this may be difficult for you." etc, etc. Told my W what I was going to do, go to the denitst, etc. And left her to her own misery. This differnce now is that I'm not falling into her emotional termoil. That is her problem.
I have plans for a little vacation this weekend to celebrate my b-day. I won't be home until Monday afternoon. W doesn't need to know that.
W called and left a message about day care arrangements said that she will pay for daycare if I take S6 to school. I can't pass this deal up. It will help me financially.
Take that and run with it. You will always get your best deal when they seem to be in a hurry. Take care of YOURSELF financially.
You won't be sorry that you did. Let the OM have as much obligation to her as possible. It won't take long for him to get tired of that..
Let her go. Let her go. Drop off the radar. You don't have to return calls, emails or anything until you are ready and have a plan.
However, I would seriously consider her state of mind right now. She is in a hurry. You will do better for yourself when she is in a hurry. She makes rash decisions. That isn't smart.
You'll never get a better deal than when she's rushing. Get things on paper that benefit you. It doesn't have to mean it's over, although I imagine it will be doubly hard to trust her now. I don't know how you manage to resist saying, "and now you see why I couldn't trust you. You love me? Ha. That sure didn't last long."
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
She is very likely in what I called, in my sitch, "Her Period of Good Behavior." While she is seeking something from you (in this case, to agree to D and to sign papers), she will be very accommodating.
Once she doesn't get what she wants, however . . . look out!!!
If there are any other "good deals" that come up in the meantime, you'd be wise to take them. Do NOT be dishonest, or lead her to believe you'll do something that you know you won't, or be manipulative, but you DON'T have to give her any answers right now other than "I'm considering it; it's not what I want, however."
If you don't want to make any further decisions right now, then don't.
I would tell her something like..
"I am not making any decisions or signing anything until after the holidays. I am too busy right now with work and the kids and the holidays coming up."
I wouldn't let her think I was stalling. I would let her think that I have too much on my plate and what SHE wants is not my top priority.
Don't you know how to duck and dodge someone?
"I will let you know" (and then when they ask again in a day or so tell them.. "woops, I forgot. sorry. I'll get back with you")
and you just keep on ducking and dodging..
Don't reveal your cards. Hold them tight to the vest. More important now than ever.
The first goal I've come up with is "create" time. Time is on my side right now. The accumulative pressure from the holidays, kids, OM, living sitch and financial issues will create a new set of crisis for W.
Should I get another "please sign" email from W, I will reply that I'm not signing anything until the first of the year.
My second goal is to keep working on myself. Don't fall into the drama. Don't react negatively. Don't encourage bad behavior. DISAPPEAR. If I must talk w/ W, be strong, understanding and be the one to end the conversation.
If you don't want to make any further decisions right now, then don't.
I would tell her something like..
"I am not making any decisions or signing anything until after the holidays. I am too busy right now with work and the kids and the holidays coming up."
I wouldn't let her think I was stalling. I would let her think that I have too much on my plate and what SHE wants is not my top priority.
Don't you know how to duck and dodge someone?
"I will let you know" (and then when they ask again in a day or so tell them.. "woops, I forgot. sorry. I'll get back with you")
and you just keep on ducking and dodging..
Don't reveal your cards. Hold them tight to the vest. More important now than ever.
This is PERFECT, and much better than my suggestion. Much stronger, more leading.
