Gucci - She LOVES to bait me. I think us arguing makes her feel like I care in some sick way. If I make a joke, then I get "you don't take this seriously". If I'm serious, then I'me mean. She never stops and always wants her way. Very childish.
I've been told, when I'm on a roll... I can hold a room with humor. One of the worst parts of this is the humor left me. Everything is now very serious.
Good point with "who needs this?". I had the same thought last night. Who would put up with this. It's almost unreal. I would never believe it if it wasn't happeneing to me.
She is very "off the cuff" w/ her actions and thoughts. When I say "thoughts", it's typically one and it's not well thought out.
I still go back to when I asked W why she came back. W said, "I need you. You stopped helping me. You stopped being my friend and talking to me." THIS IS WHAT I NEED TO DO.
I remember W saying that she was scared to come back. This was when I was giving all the love notes and such (part of my 180) and before the A was exposed. Not sure if she's scared again or mad about leaving OM and BFF completely.
Gucci - She LOVES to bait me. I think us arguing makes her feel like I care in some sick way. If I make a joke, then I get "you don't take this seriously". If I'm serious, then I'me mean.
"I'm sorry if it comes across that way -- that's not my intention."
or
"Is that how it comes across? Hunh."
or
"Sometimes I'm serious, and sometimes I'm in a funny mood. I'm okay with how I am, I'm sorry you don't like it."
So what. It's still the right type of response. If she has a problem with it, that is HER problem, not yours.
Very good point, and it bears repeating for all of us. There is this sense on here that we have to look at all these "faults" that the WAS pointed out and work to fix every one, like a honey do list. It's co-dependent. Just because some word or action of ours doesn't sit well with our spouse (especially during/after the bomb)doesn't mean that it needs corrected....just like some things are spouses do don't require action on their part. We need to ask ourselves if the problem is really ours...if not, then the spouse should be left to deal with it.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
I got my third "what about paying for some of it? anything???" email. Just ignoring them until her fingers fall off from typing.
I think you are catching on... Good answer. I notice your sense of humor coming across a little more too... Come on.. You are getting there. Once you get to where Puppy, Phoenix and Gucci the guru are, you won't go back to the old ways.
Want to know why?
Cuz they don't work.... It really is that simple. And they cause you a whole lot of worry, hassle and misery that you don't or won't ever want or need again.....
Quote:
Who needs this crap? That's what I keep telling myself.
Keep asking...... At some point you will answer loud and clear...
NOT ME.. NEVER AGAIN...
I AM FREE I AM FREE
And it feels great too...
and that is when she will want you back.. Watch and see....
I spent some of my personal time today looking at newcomers and their sitches. I remember it like it was yesterday when the bomb was dropped. It's time to gain some perspective....
Goals Accomplished to date: 1. IC 16 weeks to date. 2. Working on anger issues. 3. self-esteem about 80% 4. W's A exposed. 5. W wanted to reconcile on her terms. (11/17) 6. Found Peace in D (if it happens). 7. GETTING "IT" 8. ROPE DROPPED!!!
Still to work on... 1. Finding the right words. 2. Working on my tone and confidence. 3. Last 20% of self-esteem.
I thank God how far along I've come. How I realized the errors I made in my M and how to correct them.
I can't thank everyone enough and the time they took to help a stranger. It's almost unfathomable to think of the love I received on this board by some great people.
1)SHE is doing the pursuing now. I really do think that part of her is wanting and expecting you to say to her "I don't want this divorce, so I am not paying for anything" (I wouldn't fall for that trap. Many times women will say things like she is HOPING you will tell them what they want to hear) You are getting tested here.
2) She is now asking YOU for what YOU want. For what you will do. For what day is good for YOU. She thinks she is controlling this whole situation (which is what she says she wants) but in reality YOU are. You have it pushed back until after the 1st of the year. She is giving YOU the choice of whether you go together or separate. She is giving you the choice of helping you pay this.
3)She is paying for the sitter.
Funny thing is that you have basically stood your ground and have not budged an inch. She thinks this is in her control. It isn't.
You have a golden opportunity here to "banter" (women love to banter and flirt with men who they have fun with) back and forth with her over these very issues. I keep telling you to USE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. You CAN email her back and forth. Use your humor to duck and dodge (remember that concept?) Just don't let her nail you down to any conditions you don't want.
For example: "Woops. I just got your last 20 (exaggerate) emails about me helping to pay for the divorce. Ok. How does $20 sound to you?" That should cover my half.
or
"woops, I just got your last 20 emails regarding me helping you to pay for the divorce. I'll give you gas money and you drive. Will that work for you?"
And we already know she will respond to that. Just keep responding (never quickly) and duck and dodge and banter.
Your only other option is to agree to pay or tell her that you are NOT paying (which you won't in the end).. No need to tell her that now. String her along. We want her to have to go to her "friend" for the money because it is apparent she doesn't have it and won't have it by then. It will put more stress on their little affair. The more stress on them and the less on you, the better.....
Remember though. No relationship or sexual talk. Let her lead in that area.
She is testing you here. You MUST pass this test. It is ok to email back and forth as long as you never ever put pressure on her to come back or to stop what she is doing. Nope. Not one bit of controlling from you, nosiree.... LOL
