I personally would do some family time things and keep it really light. In fact, if you were at a party with her, I'd focus on everyone, and spend only a little time with her. Let her watch you a bit. Talk to some girls and see how that goes...but do give her some attention...small doses of AinO may go a long way.
May I throw out a suggestion for discussion? It feels to me as though avoiding phone calls says, "I'm pissed at you". I'm not sure that's the message. I think the message is, "I've let you go. I don't care about you." Answering and making it super quick, like an unexpected, "sorry, gotta go", may give more of that impression. Smile when you pick up the phone. Say Hi pleasantly, but then get off ASAP and leave her wanting more. That's just a thought....kick it around. Play with it a bit.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
I tend to agree, Phoenix, and even posted something yesterday (I think) about someone not ignoring. I don't think you should reply back IMMEDIATELY, however, as it screams "beck and call."
I don't think you should reply back IMMEDIATELY, however, as it screams "beck and call."
Yeah, I did see you mention that somewhere else. With texts, maybe get back on 1-2 of each 3 fairly quick. With e-mails..be super slow. With phone calls....be more consistent. Texts and e-mails are impersonal; the tone is in the eye of the beholder. I think behaviors to encourage using the telephone or face to face are better....she can hear that you are pleased (somewhat) to hear from her, or at least not displeased, you aren't angry, you sound happy, and that you are blowing her off in a friendly manner, not because you are running away from a fight like a chicken. I prefer Gucci's duck and weave (or duck and dodge or whatever) to avoidance. Give an answer one way or another, even if it isn't necessarily a concrete answer.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
A in Ohio, Sounds like even if the entire situation is not what you want, you as a person are making progress. I applaud you for the progress you have made, and imagine that you will make more.
I wish you well on your journey.
Me: 41 W: 41 Married: 17 years Together: 19 years 16-Sept-2008: "W: I want to move out." 16-Jan-2009: Separated, wife moved out. 31-Mar-2010: W, and kids move back home! D 14 S 12 D 11 S 7
i have not posted here before and I come from Infidelity thread. Over there someone advised that you were the best Dber there was. I am struggling and wil admit , that I have skimmed the book DB and DR and sread only parts i thought were relevant to me, tonight i will start cover to cover.
I was the WAS and now 4 years later I want H back only to discover in last 2 months ( possibly longer - but I was not seeing ) that he is over us. When my A was discovered I stoped all contact with OM but lied to H until this year about the physical side of the A. Telling the truth feels like a huge mistake.
Anyways i want to Db, I want to let H go and I hope I can learnlots from you.
I have had fantastic advice and a lot 2x4 s and still i struggle.
SPM once listed things to do and not do and I printed it , I would be interested in your golden rules
i have not posted here before and I come from Infidelity thread. Over there someone advised that you were the best Dber there was. I am struggling and wil admit , that I have skimmed the book DB and DR and sread only parts i thought were relevant to me, tonight i will start cover to cover.
Mof3 - Thanks for the praise. You must know my primary love language Honestly, I have a long way to go and I have some great mentors on this board.
My W thinks telling the truth is a mistake as well. You know what, it's not!! Stop thinking that (yes, I'm telling you what to you and that is controling).
Damn,... Again, I was going to take the day off but while I'm here ..............
Nothing major... W called to yell at me last night because the kids weren't at MILs and I told her I had plans (which I did). My SIL took kids shopping for my b-day and Christmas gives and it took a while...
W was hammering me about not calling that they would be "late". There was no set time so whatever.... All I said was, "You're right. I should have called you or MIL and let them know". Guess what? Stopped her in her tracks and all she could come up with was, "It's the right thing to do". LOL, that's rich. WAW in affair, that wanted to keep OM and reconcile, ran back to OM, trying to keep A away from her family, lying all the time is telling me ABOUT THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
My tone didn't change. I smiled to her when when I dropped off the kids... She had the "oh sh*t, he's over me ... I need to stay strong" look on her face. She had a tear trickle down her face. I didn't mention that them being late did hose up my plans. Why bother, I don't need to share. If I did, it would be the "where you going" stuff.
I sent out to watcht the Cavs game with some buds and drank some suds... Good times...
