All of what you feel is valid. This is part of the rollercoaster.
Look at the positives, if you can:
You are obviously the more attractive option between you and OW.
You know about the affair.
He is still trying to contact you.
You have found DB, and he doesn't know it.
You are successful without him.
You don't have children involved.
It sounds like you have friends that support YOU (becareful - they don't like to see you in pain and will advise you to get out of that pain ASAP - which may not be best for you and your H long term)
Hey, MC! Ok, I'm trying so hard to listen to you. Here's what I'm getting:
1. Don't speed up the D. Do things at my own pace.
2. Do not pick up the phone, text, or email back. Wait 24 hours to respond.
3.Drop the rope - until I get there, act AS IF. I seriously I am having a hard time thinking how to do this, but ok. Friendly but not a friend. Unavailable. Mysterious. Work on me. Stop thinking about him. Stop engaging him in convo.
Ok, I hear you. I'm going to repeat that stuff to myself until my eyeballs fall out.
~Nas
I'll continue to repeat it to you as well.
I made statements to my W early on. "You're either working on the marriage or you are getting out. If you don't work on it, then I'll file for D."
I made threats and wasn't prepared to back it up. In the end, it only made me more angry and frustrated with the whole situation.
I wish I had JUST STOPPED TALKING TO HER.
I would also recommend - no drinking. Deal with your issues in positive ways. Get out with friends, go exercise, etc. Try to minimize the time spent thinking about your sitch (you can't really stop it all together). DO THE RIGHT THING REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOUR H IS DOING!!
