In answer to Ian's post (which I am sure was well meaning), I have to say that being a Navy wife with small children going through a deployment is a huge challenge even in the best of circumstances. Add to that the fact that she is getting zero support, and actually more pressure added, by her H. Then add the additional stresses of dealing with a developementally delayed child and a teenager going through the throws of rebellion.
Take all this together, and you have a truly rough road to hoe, and she's entitled to have a short fuse every now and again and to have little patience with the "molehills" she is dealing with. But that's JMHO.
Having said that, I will add that I don't mean to 2x4 you too much, Ian. You can't help it. You're just a DAM!!
Take care, ((((((SMW))))))!
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
I think Ian has a point. And he's not one to give a quick 2x4.
We are all so in awe of SMW, that it doesn't help to give her advice. He is making a good observation....which I'll bet....she'll take his good counsel.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
I have no doubt Ian meant well, and he has a definite point in not letting our S have so much power to effect our moods (I am always struggling with that one).
But, we also are encouraged to "vent" here, so I think what is said here is not necessarily what is done openly in RL. So, I'm not sure about the good in telling SMW she is making mountains out of molehills.
And I don't like to give 2x4's either. If someone doesn't like me, it makes me cry! So, Ian, if I offended you I am sincerely sorry! I just wanted SMW to know from a fellow Navy wife and mother of a "special needs" child, that I supported her.
And, actually, just for the record, if I am in awe of anyone, it would be the men on these boards, of whom Ian is one! I am always amazed and heartened when I read posts from these men who are so committed to their families. It gives me hope!
Take care, (((Ian & SG))).
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
look, we all have a right to have our ups and downs. It's going to happen. and IMHO, you are ALL right. SMW is definitely focusing too much on DH (and what is the D for??) because she is letting his actions control her feelings too much. HOWEVER, my reasoning for pointing things out is to usually reveal the other side. There is ALWAYS another side, and we need to realize that. It doesn't always make what they are doing right, but it can at least shine some light on what is happening so that we can understand just a smidgen better which can also help us let go.
Soooo, SMW, I hope your doing okay, I would call but it's almost 11pm. I'm kinda worried, but I know your okay, just probably taking a break.
SMW, you know that we are all hear for you, and I KNOW you know that God is with you every step of your way. It's okay for you to feel bad. You love your H. of course your going to have bad days. As long as you realize it, and you move forward and continue to get up and keep focusing on our Lord and what you need to do...that's what is important. Your not superwoman, although many of us would be shocked if you were not! So, when you find yourself struggling, take a break, do the things that you know work for you to get your mind focused the right way.
I hope that my email had helped. I hope that you will make a good weekend, and that your pastor will have marvelous things to say and God will reveal many things to you thru him.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
HOWEVER, my reasoning for pointing things out is to usually reveal the other side. There is ALWAYS another side, and we need to realize that. It doesn't always make what they are doing right, but it can at least shine some light on what is happening so that we can understand just a smidgen better which can also help us let go.
Exactly, ST. Completely agree with you.
I would like to add that I never disagreed with Ian's advice. I just held issue with some of his choices in words. I did not feel he was devaluing SMW, but I did find some of the comments to be invalidating.
Anyhow, peace!
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
I would like to add that I never disagreed with Ian's advice. I just held issue with some of his choices in words. I did not feel he was devaluing SMW, but I did find some of the comments to be invalidating.
I just want to clarify that I took no offense to anything said.All is good with me on this.
The bottom line is this for SMW, yes, this is a place for her to vent. This is a place for her to receive patience and understanding. This is a place for people to understand and validate her pain. We all have pain..... However, this is also a place to here constructive criticism. It is also a place where sometimes tough love is practiced. It is also a place where people learn that they have a choice what advice to take and what advice to cast aside.
SMW and I have posted to one another back and forth for months now in different ways. I have a great deal of respect for what she has done and all that she is going through so please do not believe for one minute that I think she is a whiner or am saying she is making to much of this. What happens on these boards sometimes is we watch our friends (of which I consider SMW) and we simply want to help them find happiness. We do not like standing by idly while they suffer. Sometimes we stand up for each other when it is difficult to see while you are in the storm.
SMW, I stand behind what I posted to you and I hope you didnt take it as me not validating you. I feel your pain. I also only want you to be happy and strong. That is what matters to me. I am in no way trying to minimalize your situation, I am just trying to point out some things that I am seeing and have seen over the last few months.
I see that my thread was a little busy while I was out getting a life! LOL
I will post to everyone later. I just got back from taking Amy to the airport. She is an amazing, wonderful woman that I am so proud to call my friend. We had so much fun and it would only have been better if Tawnya had been able to stay, too.
You guys should all be proud of Tawnya, too. She has never driven by herself as far as she did to come to my house. I am sad that she was so sick that she went home, but we did have a lot of fun on Friday night.
Now, my slack butt needs to do the school work I did not do all weekend.
I will respond to all of the fun on my thread later.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
GAL'ing (and in literal fashion this w/e for U)! I wish I knew what that was all about. The silence and loneliness is all consuming right now for me. While I am surely still "going through the motions", I think I am going through the EMOTIONS more than that. I made sure to go to church today and seeing the little ones put on their production was well worth it but I can not shake the sadness right now. It is just too thick to cut through. Dead silence and loneliness. My dog doesn't bark much (though I did recently teach her to "speak" on command) so I am forced to break through the silence with high decibels of RUSH concert music. They have always been my staple..my mainstay and something that lifts my spirits and causes me to smile.
I guess this post should have been on my own. But it is a lonely place also
Guess I will go read the Word and pray here shortly. He has all the answers. I just haven't been willing to submit to Him lately.
Glad to hear that you had a blessed time with the girls!!
Aww {{SMW}} Thank you for the morale boost there..I AM very proud of myself for being able to make it there and back by myself, not getting lost or nothing..just me, my Sirius radio, and my mapquest directions LOL
Hope your school work is getting done and you are having a good night
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
