I'm feeling a litle melancholy today. It sucks to be alone at New Year. I mean that in the sense of having no special person in my life as I did have my beautiful girls with me as the clock struck midnight. I did have a steady stream of people come visit me yesterday for my open house but not as many as usual.
I think I am ready to go back to work now. The time off has been great and knowing that I don't have to go back to my old job has relieved so much stress but now I just need company again. I need to be in a situation where I don't have time to reflect and remember. Even after all this time it is still too painful.
Don't get me wrong I'm still determined that nothing and no-one is going to ruin my year BUT for today at least the previous happy times are haunting me a little. I think I just need a good cry and then I will be fine
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Happy New Year love, may it help you look forward and leave the past in the past, may it bring you all that is good and warm, and may it give you strength and hopefulness for your future !!!!
Yesterday was my first day in my new job. Getting there was a nightmare. First I got stuck behind a serious car accident (as in stuck in miles of traffic). So as soon as I could I pulled off to take an alternative route. I had no sooner done that when I heard on the radio that the police had cordoned this road off a little higher off. It turns out somebody had committed suicide by jumping off a bridge onto the road! So the police re-directed me back onto.......... yes you guessed it............ the road I had tried to escape. However it was higher up this road and there was no traffic so I stupidly thought I had bypassed the trouble. NO SUCH LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A bit further on as I tried to get from one motorway to the next a road sign told me there were major delays ahead. As I didn't have much time left to get to work at the alloted hour I rapidly diverted again. From this point to the office it was about 10 miles. I travelled there virtually in first gear all the way as it was so busy with other people having the same idea as me. I was ONE HOUR late for work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had managed to ring ahead and explain the difficulties I was having getting there so at least they didn't think I was someone who was just going to turn up when I felt like it. When I did get there it took me another 15 mins to find somewhere to park. I was nearly in tears by the time I got into the office. They were sooooooooooooo nice to me and told me not to worry. I had left home at 7.30am and got there at 10am. I should have been there by 8.30 at the very latest (my letter said be there for 9 but I knew the later I got there the harder it would be to park).
Thankfully today was much easier. I already feel like one of the team so I know I am going to be much happier there than I have been in one of my previous jobs. However, I think eventually all the travelling will get to me BUT by then I will have gained more experience and will be in a better position to seek for another promotion hopefully closer to home ( that might sound greedy when I've only just started a new job but I'm a big believer in knowing what your aims and goals are to make sure you achieve them).
The last couple of days D18 has been at home (over Christmas she stayed with her BFs family which was disappointing). Bless her she had my tea made both yesterday and today ready for when i got home. It was even more special today b/c she left to go back to uni before I arrived home from work and she had prepared the food before she left. I will miss her again now
Today I received the papers to sign to make the mortage in my name only and also the papers to transfer equity to H (to give him the cash he so desperatley wants). When that is done I will be financially independent of him. It's sad but right now it is in my best interests so I am comfortable with that.
So all in all the goals I set myself for the New Year are so far going well and some will be achieved in a relatively short space of time
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Alison, I am so proud of you, well done. That journey would have had me a wreck. You sound so confident and in control. This just has to be your year. I am in awe at how much you have done already. Congratulations.
For the first time in a verrrrrrrrrrrrry long time I do feel confident and although the prospect of having a much larger mortgage with only my name on it frightens me to death I do feel in control which has to be much better than feeling as if you are being controlled which is what it's been like the last 3 yrs.
Today marks 3yrs of celibacy (H did keep that going for a short while after he left hence the hope) and I sure as hell hope I won't be adding another year to that in 2010
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Al, I think I can see them forming an orderly queue as I type.-lol Yes a man in the bed would be just heaven, especially with the temps the way they are at the mo. For now it's just me, the cat and a teddy under the duvet. I am positive you will have more luck than me. Go girl go.
A belated wish that you enjoy a very Happy New Year.
It does sound like you may be starting it out on a great path. I do agree that three years has been a long time to be celibate. What I don't remember is what it was we gave up, so maybe I wasn't doing it right to begin with. Hmmmmmm
Before you think too hard on changing that this year, keep reaching other rewarding goals. I'm thinking of the social events and friends you discovered during this journey. Be determined to spend more time outside the home with quality people, doing things you enjoy. Keep raising the bar as you go.
Some of the new friends in the new job may just be the ticket to new activities outside the home. You pick the sport.
Have goals for "your new home". When you're home, make it "yours". Make it comfortable and pleasing. Start inviting some of the new friends by, on the way to events or after work. Do anything that makes you happy and helps establish your home as a happy place. If somehow you find yourself marking that celebate thing of your list, that is ok too!!! Maybe in three years you won't remember why you ever had to put it on a list.
