Okay, so I've been divorced since March/April, and seperated since September of 2007. I've managed to move on with my life - the loss of my spouse isn't a daily thing that eats at me anymore.
I'm in grad school, I'm dating a great girl, and things are going fairly well.
But, damned if little things don't pop up now and again that make me miss my ex. Mostly in a nostalgic fashion, I guess most would evaluate it as. But we were one another's first real relationship, and I know there was love there. Why/how she fell out of love with me is something I'll never understand (especially since she "fell" for a friend of ours...who is far less attractive and far lazier than I - but a manipulator).
However, in our six years together there were many, many sweet moments - the kind that are found in any relationship. There was also the good sex and the fact that she was pretty good looking.
These are all things in the past, now, and I don't actively dwell on them anymore.
But they sometimes blindside me. Something - a song, scent, product in a store, whatever - will remind me of her. And I'll miss her. Happy as I am with my new girlfriend, I still get a 'twang' of sadness for what I lost.
I don't want to seem like I'm clinging to my ex.
Granted, it sucks, sucks a LOT that everything around me was shattered. I thought I was in a happy relationship (though, part of that was me lying to myself), with plans for a future. Now I have to start over.
*sigh*
Does anyone here have any suggestions? Help? On how to try and prevent these damn 'flahes' from happening? Whenever they come I redirect myself really fast, but I feel that a 15 months later they should be gone.
TIme.....there are always going to be triggers, and memories, I think of it this way, I want to remember the good ones, and forget all the bad. I will always love the old stbex, not the new one of the last three years. Some times I don't want to forget the good times for they were happy memories.
Just time will heal...
hugs bear
Me 42-Him 40 T20yrs Married 16yrs 2/06 H- "not sure if i want to be married anymore" 6/07 H-"I'm not happy" 9/07 Admits affair & OW 12/08 I moved out 12/09 still waiting for divorce
After 15 years of a divorce that I wanted, and even being in a good relationship now for 7 years... I will still wax nostalgic over the 'good times' that we had.
For me...it helps to reframe.... and appreciate the gift of the relationship .... to my life, and to others. It's part of who I am, has helped mold me, given me new skills, and two children, countless other family and friends I would never have had before.
Those times now...still happen, but they feel much better.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
Thanks, all, for the helpful comments. It's comforting/supportive to know that there are others who experience the same thing, even after more time has passed.
I guess it's a bit unrealistic to expect myself to be 100% over a six-year relationship (and over my ex's "old self", who I loved) in the space of a year or so, hm?
