Really tired of not being listened to, not feeling safe with my feelings, getting walked out on in the middle of conversations and snotty "you're right, I'm wrong" statements that are sarcatic.
Don't know what to do to change it. I feel like communication is 0.
Bomb Dropped - 11/08 Working on the R - 12/08 (thankfully short period of time!) Still DBing to see positive changes!
Today's argument was about doing "the little things" for your partner.
I usually do a lot of little things for him: When he calls and asks me to drop something off for him at work. Hey, I think my favorite band just released an album I had no idea about, can you go pick it up for me at 9PM on a Sunday night 'cause I can't leave where I am? Can you rub lotion on my feet, they're dry and they hurt?
Tons of little things I don't necessarily HAVE to do, but I do anyway because I know they please him and help him out. I asked him to do one freaking thing for me today and he refuses and says he doesn't feel like it.
Upon going, "Hey, that's cool - but seriously, I'm sort of miffed I do so much for you and you won't go out of your way this once for me", he says he helps me all the time.
For instance: the time I got into a car accident and he came and picked me up.
Seriously? That was optional? Your girlfiend's car has been hit, her front fender is punched in and she can't drive it. That's sort of something you're required to do by nature of "Oh, crap, my love one's been in an emergency situation! Are you okay? I'll be right there!"
What I'M talking about are little things you don't HAVE to do. Things that you really don't WANT to do and you really don't HAVE to do, but you do them anyway to make someone happy.
Like stopping what I'm doing to scratch your back "really good" because you like the way it feels. Like making sure I buy those nasty cheese filled hot dogs when I go grocery shopping, because I know you like them for lunch. Like making a special trip out to pick up a gallon milk because he's the only one that drinks it and likes it in his cereal in the morning.
Still, he contents that I obviously don't remember the stuff he does for me, because he didn't have to help me out with my car.
Am I the -only- one that understands what I'm saying? Am I speaking Swahili? Does this not make sense to you guys? Am I WRONG?
I'm sort of at the end of my rope with this selfish stuff.
About two seconds after this argument was declared a stalemate, I put the bills that were sitting on the coffee table on his desk in the computer room - he physically pays the bills, but we split the funds down the middle.
He proceeded to sweep everything (literally) off the desk and throw it on the floor because he "hates it" when I put things on his desk.
I'm just...I'm not sure what to do anymore. I'm not sure how to fix this anymore. I'm not sure if it's worth it.
Bomb Dropped - 11/08 Working on the R - 12/08 (thankfully short period of time!) Still DBing to see positive changes!
My birthday is Tuesday. SO had asked me if I wanted to "go to the bar" with some friends of his, as it's St. Patrick's Day. I don't drink, SO doesn't drink, and his friends are much younger - in their very early 20s.
I told him I'd prefer not to and he said okay.
When I called him later in the evening while he was at work, he asked if I'd be okay with him going when I was asleep.
No, it's not okay with me. Something about that just seems weird, waiting for me to go to bed so he can go out and play?
So I told him honestly I was uncomfortable with it.
I did some thinking and decided it was obvious he really wanted to go. Otherwise, he wouldn't have asked twice. I made plans with a friend so I could go there, and he could go to the bar.
He got very mad at me, yelled at me over the phone, and told me I "only did it to make him feel guilty." Which, frankly, wasn't the case at all. He said he was going to the bar anyway, because he "didn't give a crap" how my birthday turned out at that point.
We had a nasty fight. He went to the bar after work and came home stumbling drunk - the first time I've EVER seen him drunk since I've known him. So drunk, he fell out of bed two hours later. I let him sleep on the floor, the jerk.
We talked about my birthday again three days later, after everything calmed down. I said that given the whole ordeal, I don't CARE what we do, I just want to be with HIM on my birthday.
He abjectly refused to "let me" go with him to the bar him at first. But after talking more, he said he'd prefer to "play it by ear" and see how my mood is that day because he doesn't want to bring a buzz-kill with him to the bar.
Like I'm a six year old child and if I display good behavior I'll be rewarded.
I'm fed up. I don't know if this is worth it anymore.
NO move I make is right, I can't talk to him without an argument and he obviously don't give a crap about my feelings.
UGH.
Bomb Dropped - 11/08 Working on the R - 12/08 (thankfully short period of time!) Still DBing to see positive changes!
