Another One Bites the Dust (3)

[cat03]

hugs))))))))))))) i agree with lwb, the jerk is like a cornered animal spewing venom and threatening with anything he can think of, things are not going his way so he's going nuts.
Is there a third person neutral person that can intercede as far as dealing with your son and stuff that must be talked about?

Prayers your way, and I SURE hope there is a way to keep him away from you))))

[No Longer BH]

So I met with the L today and had my old L change the venue to St. Louis. My file should be down here by next week. We talked about how to go about banning OEO from the house and what to do in certain situations. My brother is tired of being the middle man. OEO calls him numerous times a day, emails him lots of spew concerning legal threats against me and still feels the need to justify his position to my brother. My L advised me to break NC and send him an email telling him that I have granted his wish to have the venue changed. That I need to allow him to email me concerning S and any immediate finances. I hate that I have to do that. Just keeps the drama going in my opinion.

I had a wonderful weekend with my S and have felt at peace since last week. I know I am in good hands now so that gives me security. My son and I laughed all weekend long and I didnt really think that much about OEO. It feels good to be moving on and letting go. The anger is still slowly fading and indiference is setting in. THank you all for such wonderful support. You have really helped pick me back up through all of this....and lwb, I really apprecaite that you wanted to help me find a L also. That means so much to me.

I am physically feeling better as well so should be able to start to reconnect with all of my friends here soon. I am thinking of all of you! Hope last year is the worst year of all of our lives!

[karen43]

I am physically feeling better as well so should be able to start to reconnect with all of my friends here soon. I am thinking of all of you! Hope last year is the worst year of all of our lives!

I'm glad to hear you're doing better! I know it will be better for all of us this year!!! Karen

[cat03]

I'm glad to her that BH))))) good luck. If you follow your L's advice keep your emails simple and to the point hon.

[No Longer BH]

Thank you friends for sticking with me and checking on me. I have reached a turning point, a change in my perception. THe rage is FINALLY going, it is draining from my soul and being replaced with indifference. My L told me that I had to break my NC and it terrified me. I had to send him a letter that stated that I was no longer interested in mediation, we now had to let the legal system work for us. I had this horrible feeling inside anticipating his reply. It was like being in a haunted house waiting for the guy to jump out at you from the dark corner. Well , sure enough he responded the next day with justification and spew....I was the bad guy, it was my fault that he left, I was a horrible mother, blah blah blah.

When I first read it I was hurt and angry, and then a since of peace came over me. I realized that through out our M, whenever something happend that hurt my feelings, OEO would twist it back around so that he was the victum and I had to build him up. This email responce was exactly the same behavior. He would not change when he loved me, why would he change now? So, I let it go and only responded without emotion and only addressed the few things that needed addressing. Of course he found a way to respond with more spew....but I just let it go as his baggage. I no longer need to carry it as well.

I truly am doing so much better. I think that by facing my greatest fear (which was hiring lawyers to fight it out) would leave me penniless, actually forced me to be stronger. I can see that my fears where so much bigger than the reality and by facing them I found peace. I realized that it is what it is and I am the one who gets to determine if that is good or bad. OEO can spout his spew, that is HIS baggage and I dont have to listen to it. By understanding this I have empowered myself to move on to a more beautiful life. He can stay stuck in his negativity while I continue to try and see the silver lining in it all. I am truly doing really good and I so appreciate you all continuing to be there for me.

[Gypsy]

Whoo hoo.. Ms. Strong Hearted..

What a fantastic place to be in! Beautiful!

What does OEO mean? An Oreo with no R?

My divorce was final yesterday. I wished I would have been able to cut the cord, not worry about details and walk away so much earlier. It's great to hear you're ahead of the learning curve!

*hugshugshugs*

[karen43]

Bh, I'm so happy for you!!!! Your H is the one that is messed-up, has baggage, is negative, and once you are really detached you will have a better, more positive, healthier life. Your life will be getting better and better, and sad to say your H will be stuck living with his old negative self... Karen

[No Longer BH]

Hey Gyps...hope things are going really well for you. OEO stands for O Enlightend One because my STBXH likes to try and "fix" me. Apparently I am the entire reason everything feel apart. He has left books on how to find peace, sent me emails on how to embrace buddhism, and has even suggested seminars on how to meditate. He is so focused on fixing me that he refuses to see how broken he is. I guess that is how they opperate though, blame us for everything so they can feel better about the horrible things they do. Even his emails to me are full of blaming me. In the past it would crush me that he felt this way. Now, not so much. See, I have learnd a thing or two in this journey. First, I have learned that OEO is sick, very sick. He is no longer capable of being the man I once knew and loved. So he actually did me a favor by leaving me so that I wouldnt have to expirence the disappointmet of knowing that he just was not strong enough to hold a family together over and over again. I could have been in this disfunctional state for the next 50 years of my life....sheesh! It is kind of like in the movie Benjamin Button when he leaves because he knows in the long run it is not healthy for him to be around. In the long run it was not healthy for me and my son to have OEO around. And yes, Cat, he IS broke and I can see that crystal clear. I also can now understand that this is why he had to leave.

I look at OEO as a drug addict. When they are around normal, healthy people the feel dirty and can see their disfunctional behavior. So what do they do? They surround themselves with other drug addicts to normalize their life. When they are conversing with the scum of humanity they dont feel so bad for the choices they are making. Well, Ow is the scum that they find confort with. She is part of the sickness, not me. She is helping him to feel better about himself while I remind him that his choices are not right. I get that and I am letting it go. He gets to live in his sick existance of his life while I have been doing so much hard work to move on and get healthy. I know that the anger I felt was part of the process. I HAD to go through that in order to come out of the tunnel. This is all a journey and the anger was part of it. I am letting it go now because I dont need it any longer.

Thanks Karen for being there for me as well. I see he is the messed up one now. There was a point where we both were sad and sick but now it is just him. I am good and feeling so hopeful for my future. I can look back at my relationship and appreciate the good times while understanding that he was not someone who could weather the hard times. I know I will one day find that person, but only when I am ready for it. I look at this as an opportunity....an opportunity for me to take a moment to really find me. I no longer have the distraction of someone else to muddy the water. I now can truly just focus on my needs and happiness. That is very refreshing and freeing. OEO has chosen a very differnt path. He has chose to crawl among snakes to medicate his life instead of doing the true work of finding ones self. I actually feel sorry for him at this point. I have grown while he continues to medicate in order to just get by. I could not imagine living with that much fear and doubt. They say that the best revenge is to live well....yes, I am living well but it is not for revenge. I actually feel very sorry for OEO at this point, but not too sorry. After all, he is the one who chose this path. I am just able to make the best of this situation, not him.

[Gypsy]

Ms. Heart..

Spouse's behavior didn't change because of our divorce. He's always been this way. I just never saw it. I was never on the receiving end.

I look at some of the things he does. Where I can still get mad, I ask myself.. "How can I get mad at someone who is being who he is? Do I get mad at a dog for being a dog?" Spouse feels like he is being fair and generous. I see him as nickle and diming me and the kids.

We're all who we are.. it's just very different when you're looking from the outside in rather than the inside out.

*hugs*

[LL44]

I think that by facing my greatest fear (which was hiring lawyers to fight it out) would leave me penniless, actually forced me to be stronger. I can see that my fears where so much bigger than the reality and by facing them I found peace.

Isn't this amazing! And no one can help you 'get there', it just happens. I was so very terrified of that step, making the first mediation appt, and especially the actual 'filing' and getting the court date. But once it came and went, it was fine. I totally understand what you mean here.

Glad you are back. So glad. I knew you would make it out of the muck. Because the muck is OEO, not you. Rise above, like you always do.