Yoyo, wanted to thank you for suggesting the Women movie. I really liked it, and thought it was wonderful!!!
The chocolate cake is gone so now I'm starting to diet/exercise. My 19th wedding anniversary is the 30th. It's also H's birthday. I guess we'll continue to pretend we're not married again that day. I remember last year I asked H not to date the OW on our anniversary, and he did respect that. Of course, not going to give him kudos or anything for that!!! Karen
Hey Karen its hard not to count the anniversaries...I don't know when or if that goes away.
I need to get back to excercising myself. I have been really sick and just not up to posting. I have lurked, but not posted much at all.
I hope you and yours had a Merry Christmas and will have a Happy New Year.
(((Hugs))))
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Hi everyone! Well, I'd like to think that H will be messed up b/c our wedding anniversary today is the same day as his birthday, but I doubt it! I'm doing ok today, a couple sad thoughts but mostly just keeping busy hsing and cleaning. D9 has OT this afternoon and then grocery shopping. I'm going to get a chocolate cake for H's birthday "from the kids" of course, but not going to make it or buy his favorite Publix kind. I'm going to Walmart today so will buy it there, and if he doesn't like it, oh well. Am I being a real meanie or softie, I'm not sure anymore! I'm trying for in-between though. Karen
Maybe you should just do cupcakes if it from the kids. That is the sort of thing they would do or so I would think. Anniversaries are tough. I mean deep down in some deep crevice love resides not just for them but for us as well. I can't imagine that I would have gone through all of this if I didn't love him up until the end. The thing is that the love(from us) is for someone that doesn't exist anymore.
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Karen: I'm going to get a chocolate cake for H's birthday "from the kids" of course, and if he doesn't like it, oh well. Am I being a real meanie or softie, I'm not sure anymore! I'm trying for in-between though.
This is all too wierd, I didn't know what to do for Christmas, I knew W was comming over, so I made sure I bought several presents for her so each child had something to give their mom.
What is the proper etiquette for birthdays, etc. do I have to buy her presents every birthday for the kids to give her, does she come over to have cake with the kids, do the kids go over to her apartment.
You are being very nice and polite. You are not being mean or a softie, you are just being you, which is just right
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D7, D7, S6 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me New Abbreviation = WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08
What is the proper etiquette for birthdays, etc. do I have to buy her presents every birthday for the kids to give her, does she come over to have cake with the kids, do the kids go over to her apartment.
Well I know different people do it differently, depending on what kind of WAS you have I think. My WAS is night and day from say LWB's or H4H's WAS. You have a pretty good R I think with your W, but I can't imagine you will want to be eating cake with her on her birthday? I bought H a cake from "the kids" but he took the kids & cake over to his place. I do think you have to help the kids get gifts for her when they are young. I assume at 18 or older I'll stop doing that and they will either get gifts for us or not. But I do think it's good teaching for them to know to get a gift. I also have them both make homemade birthday cards every year which they've always done for H.
Quote:
You are not being mean or a softie, you are just being you, which is just right
Thanks for that! I was hoping I was getting this right. There is so much weird divorce etiquette that we kind of have to figure out I guess.
Well, I'm going to give another week or 2 to job-hunting in my area which is really bad with mass firings/layoffs and hiring freezes (I know it's probably a little bit like that everywhere), but after that I'm going to start job-hunting all over. Well, not over, but Seattle, Kansas. I'm hoping for an ok-paying part-time job so I can still hs, and cheap but safe housing. D9 also told me today she would like to move to NY b/c she had heard they have the world's biggest toy store there (I think FAO Schwarz maybe)? But I checked online and the apartments are like $2000 and up it looked like so maybe not!!! They did look gorgeous though!!! Karen
Not even a freaking cake from the kids or a card of some sort. Can you tell that that irks me. Hard to lose the expectations on my part.
Much less our anniversary/valentines day.
Well, that is kind of rude or at least just thoughtless. I guess expect nothing and then you'll be surprised if she does do anything? I've been surprised my H did do a Christmas gift from the kids and I think a little birthday gift he might have done too. It's the polite thing to do, and I do that also of course, so set up a good role model for him.
OK, I bought a cologne ($24 but it was on sale for $17 I found out when they rung it up), and it was H's favorite cologne although who knows anymore. And the kids made their cards and bought a chocolate truffle cake with choc. truffles on it--looked really good and he didn't send home the rest with the kids, and the kids said it was good, so it must have been. Ok, the weird thing is H sends home an empty box with D9. A Polo gift set with cologne, aftershave, and deodorant. Yeah, I priced it online and was $65 so obviously from the OW--guy friends and work friends aren't going to spend that kind of $$ I don't think. (A thought I had was I wonder if she gives all her husbands and boyfriends that--not a cologne he ever wore or liked before) and you know she's had the 3 husbands already. Almost like he wanted to show off his great gift from OW or something. It bothered me a tiny bit, but not anywhere near as much as it would have a year or even 6 months ago. Thought it was tacky & rude and a little weird for him to do that. Oh, well. Gift box will be getting thrown out when I do my cleaning later today.
New Years--woohoo I get the kids! H didn't ask or bring it up like the other holidays so he and OW are prob. going to a party. But I'd rather be with the kids, we're going to go today to get hats and noisemakers (you know I love the kids to do that) and we're going to make cookies, probably choc. chip or something from scratch and D9 wants to use an ice cream scooper to form the perfect cookie--we saw that on Martha Stewart show yesterday. I think she's scary, but she does have cute little ideas sometimes. I'm hoping they can stay up until midnight--D9 wants to watch the ball drop and everything. Hope everyone else is having a good day too! Karen
Karen