GG, I relate to some of this. Two main thoughts come to mind. First the "harsh" one, which is that you simply cannot count on him for childcare no matter what else. Assume for now, that he is unavailable, or you could lose your job. If he had cancer, you'd make other arrangements...
But yes, this problem does put a diff spin on things. My mil is dying, and my h is a doctor who cannot cure or save her and he is depressed. Mostly, it comes out as irritability, which sucks for us. And this is after his MLC and some big dreams he had career wise came crashing down and I don't think he had absorbed that "defeat" before we got the diagnosis for his mom. So both those things, and my obvious disappointment with how much we lost financially and maritally from his MLC, cost him a lot emotionally. But then, there are times I am torn between thinking only a witch would leave a guy with a dying mom, but that's balanced against the fact that he isn't that easy to be around and for UNrelated reasons, he was a real jerk before this illness. So part of me says, "hey, I don't exactly have a whole lot in the 'bank' left for this crap and what if, AFTER the depression, he's a jerk STILL? All that wasted time on my part putting my life on hold, etc.
I do hope h will get some counselling. For now he's into being with his mom so he lives on the opposite coast and works near her, which I suggested he do FOR THE SUMMER....so I also feel my gesture of kindness, after moving to Alaska, blah blah blah, is being used to my disadvantage. Don't know. I only know the longer he's away, the harder it is for us to reconnect and he seems to want to take over control of things which is so ironic. I mean, we survived without him here...
But your h does recognize he has a problem. I can't say you should make the appointment, but since he seemed to be reaching out, I think I would too. Geez, it's a tough one. You are allowed to have a life of your own and your children and you cannot be dragged down by someone who won't get help. Keep the kids' welfare in mind no matter what you do. It isn't your job to make him well or to wait around and hold off on your own life...
But then again, "in sickness and in health" too. wth? Sorry you're in this sitch.
(( j))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
He took 12 sleeping pills? That is a lot and thank goodness nothing happened to him.
And he went off his AD's for a short time which explains his mood swings, too.
I can only imagine what was going thru your mind when he told you how many pills he took.
I think for now the main thing is he gets help. He is so depressed and he will do anything to not feel that way.
The sleeping pill issue is a great concern of mine.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Glam, I agree with Midwestern...12 sleeping pill is a lot of pills. Apparently the pain was so great that he couldn't sleep. Well, now we know why the mood swings were the way that they were. You can't go cold turkey off those AD's.
He definitely needs some help with his issues at this time.
Good luck. Glam, just remember, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. Your h is going to have to do the work to help himself get better. You can't do it all for him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
wth was with the 12 pills? I mean, I kind of hope he's lying to explain why he was AWOL, And then you had a great session in bed? That's a bit wacky with the pills but no matter, I'm freaked regardless b/c even if he's lying about the pills, that's not exactly healthy either. Hope he gets help. And the AD's aren't always the right kind or dosage. Did he seem better a month or so after starting them? DOes he know why he stopped? Sometimes the libido gets effected, but that ain't always a bad thing, if you kwim. I wish his prescribing doctor could know this, but I don't know how or whether you can tell him that info. Urge your h to do so? Good luck...(sigh) (( j- ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
There is a treatment called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) that is supposed to be quick and effective in treating many pysochological conditions like disturbing memories, panic attacks, etc. It has been used effectively for post traumatic stress for war veterans even. Here's the website for you to learn more about it - EMDR . Some ICs are trained to use this treatment on their clients. The website provides a search engine for certified EMDR therapists.
Sorry the way I understood the 12 pills, was in 2 days or over the weekend. Not sure how many at a time. We saw him last on Friday and that explains his behavior on Sat too.
He just wanted to block out the weekend. Regardless, not healthy and yes I am concerned. I don't know a lot about depression only what I have read, so this difficult.
It seems like my h can't handle this at all. Snodderly he is willing to get help etc, but I think he is paralyzed at the moment. I will help him along right now and see if we can't get some better results for him.
Thanks PH, I will check-out that website. 25 yrs I don't think my h is lying. I took one look at him and knew he was in a deep depression. It all makes sense. He needs help.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
GG, It's awesome that your H is letting you help him. I see lots of positives in your situation. Keep praying for him for only the Great Physician can heal permanently.
I spoke to ex h again today. He called to speak with s20. We chatted for a few. He told me that he had a hole in his heart because he wasn't able to resolve past differences with me.
He said now that hole has been filled. This was his best Christmas ever. He told me how his choices hurt those he loved the most and how he has so many regrets and guilt that he has carried in his life.
He said that he is so proud of me that I raised s20 to be a good son. He spoke of how he was homeless for 3 years. That about broke my heart, but it was his choice. He said that his brother bought him a bus ticket 10 yrs ago and he has been clean and sober since.
I am happy for my ex h, that he has finally made his life better. He said it was nothing that I did, but that he had many issues and didn't know how to deal with them.
All in all it was a good convo. His soul is finally at peace. This has been an amazing journey for me. I have learned so much.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Glam, Sounds like the xh had to hit rock bottom and he did. At least you now know he turned his life around and that's one of the reasons for the contact.
Your journey isn't over yet!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
