It's Complicated! Part 2

[glamgirl]

Thanks a ANew2, but my h is great with the kids. Always has been. When he comes here he fixes them dinner, gets them their baths, spends time with them.

In many ways I think it's the kids that keep him going. Brings light to his dark day. I am not concerned for them, just pointing out how down my h is.

Now this depression has worsened since the holidays. He was doing so good prior to Christmas hitting. I am just trying to be supportive as he goes through this crisis.

Also, many stresses with his job too on top of this. This could be another reason for more of the depression surfacing. He seems to bury himself in his work, but just another trigger.

He will be over around noon today.

[TRUSTING]

Glam,

Just caught up with your sitch.

WOW

Lot of things going on.

Movement is progress.

You are handling everything so well.

[dl443322]

Hey Glam, as someone who has struggled her whole life with depression, I know how much he is hurting and how much it affects those that love him.

AD's sometime take months before you see any difference and he ABSOLUTELY should not go off them on his own - he will crash and the depression will deepen.

It took me years and many different meds before I finally found the ones that work. I know it is difficult to admit that he needs them. I never even too tylenol. I denied it too. But he has to keep trying.

You and he are in my prayers.

[a new 2moro]

Glam, your actions dont match your words....you talk about how down he is...etc, how he cant handle things...and you pile the responsibilty of your kids on him and the pressure of being a responsible parent which he clearly isnt and the pressure of you being mad when when he doesnt meet up to your expectations. the kids may be his light, but he needs professional help to get stabilized, maybe even checked in somewhere for a few.
He hasnt been showing up in a timely fashion and the last time he crwled in on his hands and knees saying how depressed he was, you put on a bandaid over it and had sex! werent you already late for work???? im a bit puzzled on that one
what are you gonna do if after all this you are doing for him..he still isnt ready to move home.????

[glamgirl]

On the outside it may seem like the solutions offered make more sense, but in reality they might not be the best for our financial situation. It's hard when kids are small and they require so much care.

My work asked if I could come in earlier on Sunday, since I couldn't get a hold of h I had to say I could not. So when he finally arrived it was 3pm and I was scheduled at 4pm, so I was not late for work, for my normal shift. If he was in ealier I could have said yes I can come in earlier.

Sorry, I couldn't resist the sex. I am sure many cannot understand that, nor do I expect you too. It just seemed right at the time and it was amazing.

I am still standing strong. H is not home, but with God's great love I believe he will be home when he is ready. Not many can say they are in MC or dating or making progress. It has taken me almost 3 years to get to this stage, but my h is worth it. I would want him to be as dedicated to me if I were in crisis.

[Maya44]

Nicely said GG! I totally agree.

[a new 2moro]

Glam, I dont question your dedication to your H! If you read some of your posts like you were an outsider Its worrisome that you trust your kids to someone sooo clearly not functioning on all 8 cylinders.

Just a while ago you were clearly upset with your H and his inability to move forward and come home and his apparent lack of respect for your schedule.

sweets I think everyone understands how you feel. even the sex part. yes you have made grounds just make sure you arent compromising yourself or the safety of your children in your quest to get your H home.

[happynow]

Hi Glam,

Just stopped to check on you!!

I hope all is well.

(((HUGS)))

[SirPrizeMe]

I'm with GG on the H with kids thing.

I can imagine GG's husband being good with the kids even though he has dropped the ball on other things. Being unreliable, not showing up on time - those are classic signs of the struggle with depression. But if he behaves himself well when he is with the kids - if he feeds them on time, if he plays with them, if he effectively manages conflicts between them, if he is attentive and loving - then it feels safe to me. Quite safe. More though, it may be very therapeutic for him.

For some parents in crisis or distress, often the times with the kids are stressful. For other parents, it is the time with the kids that calms, recharges, and energizes them. That is what I mean by therapeutic.

If he doesn't show up to work on time, that is not a good reason to prevent him from seeing the kids, or take that responsibility away from him.

GG, hang in there.
Steady.

[glamgirl]

Thanks Sir. I couldn't have explained that better. I know through posts it is NOT always easy to express the most accurate picture.

H is showing up for his work. He for the most part has been showing up for the kids. He did have a setback with the holidays. That was evident, but that doesn't mean he is unfit to watch the kids.

In many ways, he is a better parent than me, but he also is NOT with them 24/7. Has a ton more patience, hence what is missing within myself.

Now I do come here and vent, but that is what these boards are for. I do value what is posted to me, but that doesn't mean I need to follow all advice.

Thanks all for hanging in there with me. H came over yesterday and said he was doing much better. I am sure he got back on his meds and the holidays are over.

He has a Dr appt on Tues, we have MC on Thur, he has to make the IC appt yet. I would but they said he needs to, since it might be forced by me. Yeah like I am going to force him to do anything.

H should be here around 3pm. We are going to dinner with the kids and then ring in the New Year at 9pm with the East Coast.

Happy New Year all! Hopefully 2009 will be the year our spouses come home in droves.