W let off some anger with me (on the phone) and I just listened. It was way out of proportion with the issues at hand. At the end, I said "thanks for sharing". I may have gotten a little more out of her with a "Ahhhh I see" or similar, but it was a start. This is first time she poped for many months. I CHOOSE not to feed the fire. A very good feeling. I also stuck to my beliefs and did not try and "MAKE HER HAPPY". This also felt nice. I feel liberated!!!!
I also got a small smile from W at the church today. I am not reading anything into it, but I did notice it......
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
We only toss out those small smiles every once in a while to drive you totally insane.
hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Maybe that shows that the way you handled it worked... so she responded with a smile instead of a scowl which she would have dished out if she was p*ssed at you.
We only toss out those small smiles every once in a while to drive you totally insane. hugs
To bad it doesn't work anymore! The only person that cane drive me totally insane is me, and I love myself too much to do that to myself....I choose to be happy no matter what W does.....
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I posted this in another thread, but I believe it can go here to:
Quote:
I believe that everything happens for a reason. I do not worry about what has happened in the past. I also do not fear the future. I live in the present. BE HERE NOW!!!
I have a clear vision of my goals. I set my intentions to head toward those goals. I do the best I can. Some days my best is better than other days, but I still do my best.
One goal is to be be a great father. I may stumble as I work toward this goal, but the journey is what will make me a great father. I get back up and do the best I can.
Another goal is to unconditionally love my W. I can be patient and kind to her, and at the same time assertive and firm. My beliefs are different from hers, and that is OK. She is making the best decisions for HER that she can. I am doing the same. The D is finalized this week, but that does not mean that the R is over. It has just changed. She can be angry, happy, mad, or anything else she wants....I CHOOSE to be happy no matter how she feels.....
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I have only read your last thread and just now finished your first thread, and I intend to read it all until I finish, but your PMA is off the charts!
I usually follow those who seem to be close to my sitch but somehow I missed your story in all of the fabric of this site. I have seen your name several times in my travels but must have never jumped in. I don't journal as well as you. No one journals as well as you. Your first thread had me on the edge of my seat. Unfortunately for me it was like reading my own unwritten story. The only difference is you seemed to have your PMA 95% of the time and mine has been more like 25%. I can't wait to read the rest. I changed immediately just like you did. I do the dishes. I feed the dogs..etc. I have sustained it for over a year. Hearts softened a little. We even nest!
Well, W asked for a D last week. She got a L, I got a L. And away we go.
Anyhow, I don't feel right jumping in and trying to be your friend until I have read it all. But I will be back because I can't get enough of your PMA. Thank you for your words. I hope I can give back to you some day, and all your friends.
L
Me 41 W 39 d7, s4 M 13 Bomb ILYBNILWY November 28th, 2007
You are amazing. Thank you for all of your sharing and wonderful insight. Your PMA is something I strive for. And I am always a sucker for a great father.
Thanks for the compliments. What a year of growth. I have lots more I want to work on (ME). I am getting back into my hobbies again. I worked hard for the past year trying to salvage the M by working on ME. Time for a break. I will focus on being Dad during half of my life, and enjoy being single the other half.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
How does one enjoy being single? I haven't figured that out yet. I'm not a loner, so I'm not really sure how to take enjoyment in that. If you find out, let me know.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Don't answer. I just read your post on my string. Thanks,
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
