I have lately been having some uncertainty about the prospects of a long term relationship/marriage with GF40. She is a nice girl, but it seems that there are a bunch of little things adding up that is making me not have that much desire. I suppose now that I am feeling this uncertainty that I will probably focus more on her positives and negatives. She has had her heart broken before (just like me) and I dont want to be another guy to break her heart. But, I dont want to go too far down a relationship path with her if it is not going to work out.
Part of me just wants to spend time on my own (when I dont have the kids) doing solitary stuff like mountain climbing, sailing and skiing that I enjoyed when I was in my 20's and 30's.
I have lately been having some uncertainty about the prospects of a long term relationship/marriage with GF40. She is a nice girl, but it seems that there are a bunch of little things adding up that is making me not have that much desire. I suppose now that I am feeling this uncertainty that I will probably focus more on her positives and negatives. She has had her heart broken before (just like me) and I dont want to be another guy to break her heart. But, I dont want to go too far down a relationship path with her if it is not going to work out.
Part of me just wants to spend time on my own (when I dont have the kids) doing solitary stuff like mountain climbing, sailing and skiing that I enjoyed when I was in my 20's and 30's.
Hey Kerry..can you enlighten us a little?? Is it the religion thing that has made you take a step back?? This seems like a quick about face??
I get the part about wanting to do your own thing..solo...you think maybe you two are spending too much time together??
Kerry, strangely enough I have had similar feelings. although my date limit has been 3 per person (plus telephone calls)....i do not want to make an effort if i am not sure of the long term viability of the relationship. now, i need to figure out if this is a gemini thing or post war syndrome that we are suffering from. just thought i would tell you that you are not alone with this feeling. some of my friends just say go with the flow....stop overanylizing and have some fun. just can not do it yet....
Hi Mike - It is not the difference in religion. We dont see each other that often - sometimes wed night and Friday/Saturday's. To be more specific...
- She tends to criticize me or things in my house to the point where it bothers me.
- I cant ever see where she lives. This is because her father would find it unacceptable for his daughter to have a man in her home unless she was engaged. But yet, she spends Friday nights at my house.
- I can see her D4 and my D6 teaming up and antagonizing my sensitive S8. Her D4 is very cute/friendly, but is quite energetic (ADD?) to the point where it had bothered both my mother and father when I introduced them.
- I seem to be burdeoned with keeping the conversations going and if I dont say anything there is silence on her end.
- Her parents did not want to meet me when I went to her chuch service because I had not been formally introduced.
- And last night, she told me that even though a local city politician got caught in a big lie to gain office that it is ok because everyone tells lies and he has since apologized after being caught and giving the person who caught him a cushy job. What happened to honor and integrity?
- We both have not really continued to express our heart to each other since we initially exchanged cards/letters. It seems that the euphoric stage was too quick. Our calls to each other dont last very long now either.
On the plus side, she seems very organized and is not lazy, has the dream of happily ever after, understands that it takes work to keep love alive. She is a smart girl and I know someone of her character would never cheat. She is not one to take advantage of another and is not greedy for money.
Hi Mike - It is not the difference in religion. We dont see each other that often - sometimes wed night and Friday/Saturday's. To be more specific...
- She tends to criticize me or things in my house to the point where it bothers me.
- I cant ever see where she lives. This is because her father would find it unacceptable for his daughter to have a man in her home unless she was engaged. But yet, she spends Friday nights at my house.
- I can see her D4 and my D6 teaming up and antagonizing my sensitive S8. Her D4 is very cute/friendly, but is quite energetic (ADD?) to the point where it had bothered both my mother and father when I introduced them.
- I seem to be burdeoned with keeping the conversations going and if I dont say anything there is silence on her end.
- Her parents did not want to meet me when I went to her chuch service because I had not been formally introduced.
- And last night, she told me that even though a local city politician got caught in a big lie to gain office that it is ok because everyone tells lies and he has since apologized after being caught and giving the person who caught him a cushy job. What happened to honor and integrity?
- We both have not really continued to express our heart to each other since we initially exchanged cards/letters. It seems that the euphoric stage was too quick. Our calls to each other dont last very long now either.
On the plus side, she seems very organized and is not lazy, has the dream of happily ever after, understands that it takes work to keep love alive. She is a smart girl and I know someone of her character would never cheat. She is not one to take advantage of another and is not greedy for money.
Ok..I got all that and now understand..and I can see where you may now see some red flags...good for you..
I dont think I am suffering from any post marriage emotions anymore. I am happy to be rid of my X and I really like how I've orgainized my home.
For now, I am just taking it day by day. Who knows, maybe she too is getting some strange vibes.
Hey Kerry,
reading this struck me as a quick about face as well, though I understand everything you say and would agree if I were in that situation. But I don't agree with the above quote. Post marriage emotions aren't about whether you're happy ex is gone or not. They're about rediscovering what it means to be you after a long time of having that at least partially defined by a relationship. It takes time to figure that out and I'd imagine you're still going through that period of rediscovery.
I'm just saying - take the time you need to know who you are and what you want. And do that outside being involved with someone. Otherwise you'll never have the space you need. And if you're feeling weird vibes, she has to be as well - only question is whether she admits it or not.
I think you are right. Everyone needs time to rediscover their calling or target in life.
The one thing I am thankful about with her is she is not pushing to advance our relationship further right now. Some of it is that she just works so darn much right now.
I have not heard if she wants to do anything this Saturday, but I know that if she does not, I will be carving out some of that snow at Timberline on Mt Hood.
Here is a question for you Kerry. Would you rather ski or spend time with your friend? Whatever the answer is, make it happen because that is what you want, not because you are expected to act a certain way. I think we should perhaps take a page out of the recent Kalni chapter and become a little selfish.
I should go skiing on Sunday because I am betting the lift lines would be shorter because of the Superbowl. Although, last year I hardly had to wait at all in lift lines at Timberline.
