Hey G, my h has the same tendency - telling me what to do. I have to tell you, it is irritating - lol! Perhaps you could count to 5 before responding or just worry about you and let h figure things out on his own.
Why do you think you do those things? I feel like my h thinks I am incapable of doing things as well as he would. Maybe you could tell yourself that h is capable. He could do things for himself, his way.
BM thank you. I know this may sound stupid, but I don't really know why I keep doing it. It just comes out without me even thinking. I just need to let my h figure it out.
Like today he said he was going to carpool and I said well that doesn't make much sense since it would have put my h in heavy traffic at the end of the day and he was expected to help with the kids. I then proceeded to go into more details and that is when h said am I not capable of figuring this out on my own.
I immediately zip my lips at this time, but then it's too late. I just think it's part of my personality and I manage people for a living and I have a tendancy to try to manage all my R's without even thinking. I have to catch myself with the kids too, especially S20.
I just need to remember to take the manager hat off when I am around my h and then I think life would be grand.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Or you could tell yourself, "I am not HIS mother."
You know how they feel--they do not want a mother telling them what to do/think.
Sometimes I think these behaviors are something you inherit. Was your mother that way? And at the same time, we do not realize we have picked up on habits that our parents have/had as it just seems natural to us and we don't give it a second thought.
You are doing a good job, Glam.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
However, sounds like you have a little problem with the door between your brain and your mouth being stuck in the "open" position! Unfortunately, I have that problem myself!
Oh, well, hang in there!
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
MWG my mother was a dominant mother. Wore the pants in the house, so I guess it was ingrained early on.
I am trying though. I have been silent of lately. H was suppose to show up on Monday and yes No call No show. Suprise suprise.
Don't know how much I can take here. It's not that he didn't show up that is NOT the issue. It's the no calling that is bothersome. Seems he doesn't care. Don't think that is what message he wants to send, but that is how it feels.
Well tonight he called and left me a message. Said he owed me an apology. H said the AD's he thinks are making him more depressed and all he wants to do is sleep. He said he changed the Dr's appt to next week.
Not much to report. I don't even know about tomorrow, but it doesn't matter, well it does, but I can't think of how it bothers me at the moment.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
It's not that he didn't show up that is NOT the issue. It's the no calling that is bothersome. Seems he doesn't care. Don't think that is what message he wants to send, but that is how it feels.
You hit it right on here GG! I know EXACTLY what you mean!
We can relate FG. My question is how do you change poor behavior or lack there of? I have tried discussions in MC and we are back to this again and again and again.
Probaly the answer is you can't!
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
You have to want to change in order to make that change. I would say the past month I've really gotten it finally and have seen some posititives. It's up to H though to change when he's ready too.
Hey GG, Just catching up on your thread. Have you ever thought about lowering your expectations of him? Right now, especially if he is in MLC, you really can't expect anything of your Husband. I am glad you are communicating, and there are so many positives going on right now. Although I hate to use this expression, but count the baby steps and enjoy the progress. Things will fall into place when HE is ready. Any type of pressure will just push him away. Changes will happen when you least expect them too. And ultimately, you can't make your Husband change or to become something you want him to be. Keep plugging along......and don't forget to breathe.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
