I don't think the divorce is a lie. I sent h a text and asked if I could pick up the papers, so I don't have to get served, and he sent me the address of his attorney.
I am having a horrible day. I'm just reeling, and don't know how to stop.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Ms Ladybug Sorry to see you have a bad day...I hope your anger will pass soon. Jack is right, moving back was a decision that you made when you were angry. Doesn't matter now, you can't go back to change it. Please come here and vent and don't talk, contact him at all tonight or even tomorrow. Just flat out ignore him now, it will be better for you. Please find a way to cool down, stay calm. Your kids need a strong and steady mom. I know YOU are. Like you said, leave it in God's hands. It may not be the way that you want, but it is the RIGHT way.
Believe in yourself....you can do this.
NW626
Me:33 STBXW:38 S:3 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you fight the fight....!!
The thing that I think is important to remember here is that "right" and "wrong" really are not important. You certainly can move back in, and I think he'd have to "let" you. But, would it really be any better? I am thinking he could make things pretty miserable for you and the kids. And calling the police for support might not work as well as it should, given that he is one of them.
Try to think more of the long term, than today and tomorrow. Make sure you document everything. (Maybe print out your posts here, since there was a lot of info in them.) Make sure that you are well represented, and let your lawyer work. If you don't your H will push you around, he is really acting the bully already. Don't just agree to anything.
For the time being, things won't be nice, but I think staying put, and letting the "legal" folks do their work is going to give you and the kids the best outcome for the long run.
Lady B calm down!!! if there are papers signed and he is not allowing you access to your property then all you need to do is contact the local Sheriff Department to gain entry. Also as I said he has a lot of growing up to do in the M . You are very hurt right now and angry and that’s ok. But remember hoe HE acts when he lets his emotions fly off the handle. Be better then him ( As you have been). Do contact a lawyer. Also don’t pay the mortgage. He lives there he pays period,
H and I agreed today, to not speak, text or email each other for 2 weeks. We both need to cool off, and perhaps I'll have a different perspective on things. He's also promised in the next two weeks to not file any paperwork in regards to the house (claiming primary residence). I think it's good that we take these two weeks, and I know for myself that I'm still seething with anger and will probably take that long to calm down. You have no idea how much today has me stirred up. I don't want a divorce, and felt like I got kicked in the stomach when the officer told me he filed.
I don't know how to be as strong as I'm going to have to be. I don't think that kind of strength is in me.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Ms Ladybug Time off between you guys is good. You both need it. You need a break from all of this....Do something for yourself to shift the focus back to you. Jeff is right. You should start document everything, and it will only help you down the road. Ladybug, you have the strength. Don't ever under estimate yourself. Give yourself some credits, you have been DBing more than a year and you are still fighting. That shows you have strength and resilience. Fight the fight for yourself and your kids. You can do this....
NW626
Me:33 STBXW:38 S:3 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you fight the fight....!!
Also, and I am not trying to sound counter productive, but ask yourself what would you do tomorrow if you were D’ed . Would you have to get a job? If so do it now. Would you need to look for daycare or would your mom be able to help? Be a strong independent mom and show your H that you will not crumble without him. Yes you want him in your life there’s no question, but as he is now, it is only toxic to have him around. If he continues to be toxic, and files a divorce, you need to be ready for that. Part of GAL if building both a life that your spouse will want into, and a life that will allow you to grow as a person. He is mad and petulant like a child. Getting mad back does not help. Just like with a temper tantrum YOU need to be the calm one. He lashes out with locks and divorce, you respond with utter control and say : “ Fine. You want to work on a M I am here but I will not be victimized by you either. I am you W and at the very least a friends and when you want to treat me like at least one of those here I am”
(((((((ms bug))))))) You've got the strength in you. It's the kind of strength you don't know you have until you need it. That's ok!
Take a little time in the next two weeks getting prepared for what might come. And remember that just because he files, it doesn't mean you are divorced. But be ready to protect yourself and the kids. Most of all, be the best ladybug you can be!
Here's something you might like: a pic There's a green ladybug on the bottom of the putter! I'd never seen one before!
