Ms Ladybug is MOVING OUT.

[cat03]

potential salary?? as if!! I bet your L came up with a much different schedule. Housing marking is still horribly low, that's going to be hard to deal with, he has to see this (I got a realtor to appraise the home to show him how much the house would sell for).

Just to give you an example, my visitation is mon-wed morning and every other Sunday, if you propose a schedule like that it would give him the illution that he has more time with them.
Glad you got a L msL.

[ms ladybug]

I spoke with my mom this morning, and she told me that h went in to see her yesterday (she's a NP, and he hurt his hand). She said they talked for about 45 min, and he really wants to move to Santa Maria where his best friend just moved. (I know he had applied at the PD there, but had to turn them down telling them that he hoped they would consider him at a later date.) Apparently, the chief told h's friend that if h wants the job, he needs to take it because they are doing a hiring freeze soon.

THAT is why h is pushing me to refi, and wanting me to do it within the next couple days!!

Then he tells my mom that he feels like he "deserves this" because he has been unselfish for the past 8 yrs, putting his marriage and kids before everything else, that now should be HIS turn.
I'm sorry...now is the time for him to be "selfish"?? His kids are 2 and 5!! Do you really think NOW is a good time for selfishness?? IF he moves, he will quite likely NOT see the kids often. He mentioned way back that if he moves, he would see them every other weekend. Let's think realisticlly. A newly hired police officer is going to have weekends off?? Not likely! It's not possible for him to get them DURING the week...so when exactly is he going to see them??

He goes from wanting 40% custody...finding out that the job in SM may not stay open...to wanting NO custody!? To take a job!?

Because he's been unselfish for 8yrs?

I love my mom and she basically told him that it's often really hard to make sacrifices for your children, and sometimes it means passing up really good opportunities. And since he's been unselfish for 8 years, he has the chance now to continue to be unselfish. I doubt he heard her honestly.

This isn't about me. Although, in their conversation he did try to start naming all my faults. My mom cut him off and said, "you can't go there with me."
This is really about the kids. And the relationship that they will/will not have with their dad. I can't imagine it. Even though he may not see them often as it is, he is still able to make it to every parent/teacher meeting, games, Christmas programs, etc...He is able to be there when they want to see him. He is able to be a part of them, because he's a couple miles away. Does he not see what he will miss out on?

I'm not going to be the one to convince him, and I won't even try. I'm feeling...indifferent today. Which is a nice relief from the grief I've been in all month. Is this detatching? It seems very business like at this point.
Perhaps this is what I needed. For him to really lay out his goals to my mom, and to see where the kids fit into his priorities. I don't know this man, and I don't like him.

[Marcum]

indiffrent is not bad. indiffrent is a understanding that there actions are not takeing you into account but you dont care anymore. indiffrent is not letting you get hurt.

Prayers and Hugs

[nw626]

Ms Ladybug

I'm not going to be the one to convince him, and I won't even try. I'm feeling...indifferent today. Which is a nice relief from the grief I've been in all month. Is this detatching? It seems very business like at this point.

I am glad I see this. He is an adult. It is not your job to convince him.
I think indifferent is a good thing and it allows us to stand up for our believes.
Keep on detaching, it will get better.
Hang in there, we are here for you.
Have a great weekend.

NW626

[ms ladybug]

The detatching comes and goes, as does my strength. Who said this was a rollercoaster??

A telling story...

I was talking to h on the phone the other day. As I was hanging up, D5 walks in the room and says, "I know you were talking to daddy just now."
I said, "How do you know that?"
She said, "Because you're crying."

At 5, my daughter relates my tears to talking to h.

[nw626]

Who said this was a rollercoaster??.....no kidding..!!

Kids are so much smarter than we think most of the time.
It is tough to hide anything from them.
You are doing the best that you can. D5 may not understand now, but she will.

Hang in there, my friend.

NW626

[Marcum]

once again prayers and hugs, lady B. i to surge back and forth but there comes a time when the punishment they are dissing out finly seems to end the hope and the reality sets in.

[ms ladybug]

H called me yesterday. He's made the decision to move to Santa Maria (3hr away). I felt kicked in the gut. Not so much for myself (OK, some), but mostly for my kids. He is giving up shared custody (30%), and taking a job in another town.

My kids are going to grow up without a daddy because he is too selfish to stick around for them.

Of course...this is MY fault. As it will be told to his family and friends so he doesn't look like the selfish ***hole that he is. He asked for 50%, and I denied him that. So... I'm "keeping him from the kids, and he may as well leave." REALITY is that if he had to kids on ALL his days off...that would be 40% custody. 50% would not be possible. 30% was going to be my offer when we go to court.

IN FACT, I'm not going to change my offer. I want to go to court, have my atty offer 30% and LISTEN to my husband REJECT it so he can move. This ISN'T going to be on me!

[nw626]

Ms Ladybug
It is his lost for not able to spend time with kids. In time, he will kick himself for this.
Your kids are growing up to be just fine because they have a great loving mom with them.
I like that...stand strong on the offer.
You seems to be getting stronger...

Have a great weekend.

NW626

[cat03]

what a lousy excuse to move away, anyone with a brain can see he's taking the easy way out.