It's Complicated! Part 3

[smartcookie]

Hi Glam, I caught a few of your comments on another thread & liked you right away. Have a good time on the drive up the coast, that sounds really wonderful.

[MidwesternGirl]

GG:

It sounds like your C session went very well and your h was willing to admit and take responsibility for his actions. This is very positive.

I hope you have a wonderful time as you drive up the coast. Should be a very nice and uplifting day for you and your family.

[Dawn of Hope]

Now h starts telling me h wants to get off the AD's altogether.

What he said is that he has been very depressed and it's as if he is paralyzed. He said he just lays down and only his eyes move and he just thinks and sleeps.

Glam,
Do you see the problem here? Actually, there are several problems. First, if he feels this way when he is ON the AD's, how could he possibly feel better if he gets OFF of them?? Second, if he has been on the same AD meds for a while (six weeks or more) and he is feeling like this, then he definitely needs to see his doctor, because he needs to switch AD's or he needs some other sort of treatment for depression, since what he is on is not working. I'm not a doctor, but as you know, I have a long history of depression, and I'm presently on my 7th type of AD's.

I will also warn you that he may try to hoodwink the doctor into believing he feels better than he actually does...this might not be something he does deliberately, but it is human nature for depressives to try to hide how bad we feel on certain occasions, even with those who are there to help us. So you might consider what steps you can take to offset this without making things worse between you by going behind his back or whatever...I can think of half a dozen possibilities, such as involving your MC, speaking to the doctor yourself, and so on.

It is not entirely a picnic to be on AD's--there are a number of potential irritating side effects--so I can empathize with his desire to get off of them. But if he is undergoing some kind of treatment that makes him feel better, he will stick with it.

Take care of yourself, Glam...sounds like the two of you are slowly but surely making progress!

Peace,
Dawn

[glamgirl]

Thanks Dawn. H has been on these AD's since 5/08. Lowest dosage as possible and has not changed anything from there. I think he will be honest with the Dr, since he wants to feel better.

It was huge less than a year ago admitting he is depressed and allowing outside intervention. He is having a full blown physical testing for everything including food allergies. Remember he is falling into a food coma too after eating. We don't know if that is food or depression.

Now it seemed he was doing better with depression and then the holidays arrived and since then in more of a deep depression. I do have to say, it is very hard to support a depressed person. Not that I don't want to, but at times I don't know what to do or say and then the frustration sets in too, but I am here for my h in whatever it takes.

My mission if you will is to get through this together. This may sound weird, but I truly want to see if what I have been doing today, the past year, DB, being kind, loving unconditionally would really bring my h home. It's kind of like playing a long drawn out and treachorous game and see if I can win. So far, it seems I am on the right path, but would like to see some bonus plays along the way in my favor.

I guess some of those did come in the form of Christmas Eve with my sis, going to the coast today, saying he doesn't want to focus on my negative qualities.

What I would like to see is h announcing he wants to start going to church, him going to gym, and maybe a weekend away with just h. Well those are ahead in the game of life. We will see.

[glamgirl]

Thanks for stopping by Smart C, I will look for your thread.

We are scheduled to head to the coast for the day. It's a little over an hour drive. Our home phone service is not working, so I had to book an appointment for today early though, so hopefully the repairman comes early on the 4 hour block of time or we will get started a little later to the coast.

Either way we should be fine. I just hope h is not too down when he arrives. I will know the minute he walks in the door.

[glamgirl]

Ok so h texted me already and said he is still sleeping and will be here after 10am. Which is fine, we were not planning on leaving for the coast until 10:30am anyway. I just thought it would be nice if he came around 9ish so we could all eat breakfast together.

I just thanked him for letting me know. Now remember this was where h has been lacking not communicating changes when we have plans. So far he is holding up to his end of the bargain. Woooo Whooooo! That's a win. I know it's consistency that counts but for today I will take it and it's a start for h.

Phone repairman was here, so yeah the phone is fixed again. Now I don't have to be so cut off from the rest of the world any longer.

H had asked me to pack lunches for today, so we are set and ready to go. I also packed a bag of healthy snacks too.

For some reason I am so excited. It seems like the first time in a long time, we are getting a little further away from home than usual.

[glamgirl]

Love is not a place
to come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
then commit to never leave

So lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
Work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees

Love is a shelter
in a raging storm
Love is peace
in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave;
May God send angels to guard the door
No, Love is not a fight
but its something worth fighting for

To some love is a word
that they can fall into.
But when they're falling out
keeping that word is hard to do

Love is a shelter
in a raging storm
Love is peace
in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave;
May God send angels to guard the door
No, Love is not a fight
but its something worth fighting for

Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing from us
but demand we give our all

Love is a shelter
in a raging storm
Love is peace
in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave;
May God send angels to guard the door
No, Love is not a fight
but its something worth fighting for.

Cause I Will Fight For You
Would You Fight For Me
It's Worth Fighting For.

I wanted to re-post the lyrics to the song "Love is not a fight" by Warren Barfield.

I am kind of a romantic and would like this to be h and my reconciliation song. You know how you have a wedding song well this is the one that I would like for when h comes home. It seems to fit who I am and a reminder of what my real fight is.

This is from the movie "Fireproof" which is being released on DVD Jan 27th.

[dl443322]

Hey G, I was going to say what Dawn did. If he is feeling that depressed, he should not be thinking about going off his meds! It sometimes takes several tries with different meds to find the right one for you (Took me 5). He absolutely should not go off them cold turkey

And remember, this is a loooooooooonnnnnnnngggggg journey! Even though its been a long time for you, in MLC world, it isnt.

Hope you have a wonderful day, enjoy it for what it is - a moment in time.

[Maya44]

I'm so glad he's still making the outing today. Sounds like a great day for you all!

[Dawn of Hope]

Hi, Glam,
Hope you had a good day at the beach today!

I just wanted to add, after reading your response about the AD's, that another possibility is that your H just needs the dosage increased...and also, sometimes an AD will be working well for someone and then just stop working for them, for no apparent reason. I know that the first time I tried AD's, I was started on Celexa, and it worked beautifully, and was an enormous relief for me, since it was the first time in years that I didn't feel horrible about myself...then I got careless and didn't get it refilled promptly enough, so I went three days without it, and that was enough to dump me back into depression. Once I got back on the medication and got the correct levels of it in my blood...it didn't work quite the same for me as it had before that brief time off, and never did again, even though I was on it for close to a year after that. Not trying to hijack, just illustrating how tricky it can be to figure out what's best regarding AD's.

It's too bad there isn't really any kind of test to determine what would be best for someone in terms of AD's--it's mostly trial and error, which is kind of a problem for a medication that can take six weeks to start working, if it's even going to at all. That's why I was without any help from my AD's for about 2-1/2 months after the bomb in October 2007, even though I went on them only two days after the bomb.

I do hope that your H gets good help from his doctor and he gets the depression treated effectively.

Hope you are having a good day, Glam!

Peace,
Dawn