h and d7 are still away. I'm starting to miss them.
Some shite hit the fan on Fri night when I received an unwelcome phone call. Resutled in me calling h in a right tizz. He handled it reasonably well and didn't get angry or defensive as he has done in the past. I believe that him being angry or defensive is a sign of him lying so I believe what he has said for now though I'm not fully satisfied. After being fcuked over so many times over the last 2 years I told him that if I discovered him lying to me again I would cut his testicles off and feed them to him. Unfortunately I was rather worked up at the time that I said that and in combination with a bad phone line, I'm not sure that he heard me properly. I've said it again since but without the graphic detail so he should be clear with my boundaries on this.
I wish I could use telepathy and just translate all the happenings so that you knew what was going on. I just don't feel like I have the energy and courage to put it all out there on the 'net'.
I'm so pleased your h appears to be hearing you. I would be majorly anxious about the joint counselling too if I was you. Are you going to postpone it for now or are you going ahead?
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
I totally understand the energy thing... is it time for another YAHOO session?? I certainly hope he got the message about the gourmet gonad meal you had planned for him. It sounds like he truly is trying to be honest.. but it understandable that you would be worked up & anxious. hope today is better.
Well, my waiting for H to contact worked.. he texted that he wanted to try video chat (since I was out of state this week). So we 'chatted' for over an hour!!
Some good talk about a business plan, including an exit strategy... ideas for ME buying a house in the next year, talked about what new vehicle I would need if the job I'm interviewing for pans out, as the one I have would NOT be suitable for the new location.
These have all been guarenteed hot button topics for us to erupt over in the past. It was quiet, calm, informational exchange filled with respect & even some witty humour. All in all it was really good (not quite an emotional orgasm as it had been the past day, but I was emotionally primed! LOL)
Thanked H for the time, respect & patience during the talk.
He was 'doing that sniffing thing, right before we hung up... I asked him what was wrong... he said, he misses me so much and can't wait to see me when I get back home today.
I guess doing it different is good for him too. peace all Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
Purple, wow, If I'm ever lacking feisty I know where to look.
Bridge, I still wanna hear how the rest of our day went.
Oh Oh Oh !! I want in on the yahoo thingie.
Hugs to you both.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Hi Cookie... those details I'll send you via other means.
After some recent conversations with my H, where I"m sure I have NOT said some things to him, yet I hear them back from him... I had been puzzling as to 'where' he got them.
If I didn't know better, I'm thinking your H had given my H directions... if you get my drift. Or maybe he just found his way on his own LOL
I will not be posting much the next few days.. busy, busy, busy.
Will try to stay caught up on people's sitch's though.
Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Hi Bridgestone. I read your thread. Wow. You've done quite a few things over the last year or two.
I'm very encouraged to hear that your H is changing and that so are you. I wonder how things are going?
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
HI AJ How are things going? It's still a rollercoaster, some days for me, some days for him.. some days we ride together.
He rode it last night.. I got off & watched. That was good for me. He was upbeat this morning & didn't even mention the ride.. that was good for me too.
I rode it the other day.. he joined in. That was not good for me or for 'us'.
Some days I ride it & ask a friend to watch & help me off the ride when it's over
The joint MC session went "OK", the advice the counselor (his IC) gave us to try has totally backfired and he was back to the same old, same old behaviours that precipitated him being 'power up' in the room & me being 'power down'.
Difference is this time.. I called him on it in the moment... it took him 3 days & me withdrawing my 'sharing' to other people & telling him I was, before he 'got it'.
We go back to counseling on Thursday. I am still watching, but not waiting.. I"m moving on with things in my life that are good for me.
If he makes changes that add to my happiness & peace, then we can continue to build trust & see how the other pieces that need to go into an R 'fit'. That is a long ways off in my opinion.
But he is changing, accepting responsibilty for past actions & mistakes made in the moment, being more consistent & regular with his new skills, working on deeper understanding & interacting healthier with the 'new' me. That has been huge & I have told him that I would not be in MC if that had not happened.
Thanks for asking Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
It must be helpful to know that he is willing to change even if it comes hard and slow.
Wishing you the best!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
It must be helpful to know that he is willing to change
He has ALWAYS made it known he's willing to change. (Saying what he does or would be willing to do). He just took a REALLY long time in hearing from me & others (IC) what those changes needed to be to be a healthy person and following through (doing what he says).
New behaviours mean new skills practiced with new people under old stressful conditions. that is what is hard to change
Originally Posted By: AJ
Wishing you the best!
AJ
Thanks very much. It will be OK in the end. Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
"New behaviours mean new skills practiced with new people under old stressful conditions. that is what is hard to change"
Sorry? You lost me there.
I can understand that new skills need to be practiced. I can understand that it would take a while to unlearn the old behaviors. I can also understand you'll be OK. I don't get the old stressful conditions though. What's that?
Not trying to be rude, but trying to understand.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
