So my thread locked..took awhile this time but its done.
New thought..yes stepping out. Out from being the victim and being a survivor. out from pain. out from lies and deciet.
stepping up? UP to the challenge. This isn't easy people. NOT AT ALL. to move up and out means to not wallow, means to grow, means to take care of me. Means to learn to grow as a woman while still being a mom. Means to learn to be selfish without being self centered. THAT is a tough one. At least for me... I would rather focus 10000% on my kids- their needs, desires etc. So in this new challenge I have to learn to take care of me BUT NOT at their expense.
New things this year for me.
I am 2 years post bomb.
Some days that seems so far away and then others...seems like it all just happened. I have done what I was suppose to...gotten a life, moved forward, gotten counseling for the broken little person I was. I have gotten (GOD GAVE ME) a fantastic job, I found an apartment that supplies our needs, I have taken care of the car, and continued to do many things I always did. And I have only been legally divorced since July.
What does it all mean? Really nothing....it just SHOWS that time goes forward whether we do or not.
This step of asking Child Support Recovery for help is the BIGGEST step for ME that I have made. I gave x a chance....even lowered (verbally) what he could give me as long as he would. WELL NOW he has slapped me in teh face. 2 months zero support...before that well below what was required. NO MORE. I told him this past week I was doen talking to him about money....I really am.
it is hard to take this step because it is stepping back and saying NO to someone you never say no to. I would appreciate prayers-- however God leads you to pray. He won't be happy about this. He will know nothing for awhile. The official papers dont happen till the 20th..then I dont know what happens.... I however will be doing nothing....just waiting.
So new start for me. And for those of you lurking and wondering does she still want her marriage restored...the answer is YES!!! HOWEVER I HAVE LEARNED that wanting your major restored does NOT allow that mlc'r to walk on you, disrespect you and not follow through with his financial obligations.
and yes pam....i feel as though I rambled yet again!! Tee hee..
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
Work on yourself and move forward. If you dwell on him, you will always feel the hurt. Remember, these choices are his, you have done your best and he has chosen not to work things out with you. If you have to draw a line legally to get him to meet his obligations, so be it. Those of us who can think of others, such as our children, pay our CS voluntarily. No, I'm not happy about the divorce, but I do realize she had a choice.
The divorce might make them feel somewhat better about the wrong they have caused, but it won't take the guilt away completely. In some way, shape or form, the price will be paid. (and continue to be paid) They will have to answer and pay for this.
I HAVE LEARNED that wanting your major restored does NOT allow that mlc'r to walk on you, disrespect you and not follow through with his financial obligations.
and yes pam....i feel as though I rambled yet again!! Tee hee..
Ramble away if this is the kind of stuff you have to say. BRAVO, Julie.
ok ok i am giggling..i wrote "major restored" ... ha!! good thing that we all know it is marriage...but it sure does seem a bit major doesn't it!! HA!!
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
just got home from counseling- and done talking to my sister.
looks like bimbo may be back in the picture. Good grief...she moves 3 hours away - and now that he has a job again -- ta da! she is back!! who knows how long - or if for good.... i just can't believe how much pain the "first" one brings. the real one that helped seal the deal on the end of my marriage.
i want so much to "get over it" to move ahead and to NOT be reminded of what happened. SHE reminds me of all of it...every painful step that I have taken and gone through. NO, I am not stepping backwards- I am saying that in my effort to move forward it would be nice to have the memory gone.
Yes, it all does get easier with time....but the pain of what she reminds me of is something I dont want to live through anymore. For those of you who still have the ow in your lives (via the x) I am sorry.... my x's ow has been in and out so much that it is exhausting...about the time i readjust well....i am just tired of hurting.
People are cruel. Period..there really is no other thought than that. And selfish people take the cake.
my sons 20th was this past Tuesday -- x only TEXTED him!! yet again another showing of how selfish he is. Selfish.
I have remembered lately some of the pain of my journey. Someone in our town that was connected to the place that i worked just murdered his girlfriend.... in that I remembered my own stupid moments thorugh this. Where our feelings/emotions all of it try and consume.... it is horific what we feel and go through.
I dont want to go through anymore. I would like some of it to be REMOVED. i am tired...............
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
I just wrote trusting about mommy claws. Man oh man....what i will do to protect my kids... HATE seeing my friends on this board hurt!!! Why do people have to be so insensitve and stupid and uncaring!! Those ow and om... they are so freakin' stupid!!!
They come into a life that they were not part of. Then they take up house and pretend like its all good. How can they sleep at night? And our spouses??!! we so often blame the ow and om but you know dang well that those who have left us have LIED to themselves and done it so much that they believe what they say to that other person.... It just infuruates me!!
sorry about the spelling stuff...i am just frustrated. The life of a divorced person ... we are entangled with the dog gone other person whether we like it or not. It doesn't matter if you are standing or moving on or what. They will be in our lives in some way! UGH!!
I would like some reprieve for me and for my friends!!! WE NEED PEACE and WE DESERVE IT!!
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
When my first husband went through his MLC it took me almost four years to get over it. He moved out - he moved back in - then he moved out. It wasn't until he was out about three months the 2nd time that I was done. I don't remember when the pain started leaving for sure...but it did.
His first ow - well I hope I never have to see her again. The second ow became his wife. We were legally separated by then so I don't feel the anger towards her that I did the first ow. The second ow and I are on friendly terms but now that both of the kids are over 21...I haven't seen nor heard from my ex or his wife in about 3 1/2 years. And guess what - it's okay.
I was able to move forward (and on) because God was with me. You will get there too but don't expect it to be for a while yet. Take care of you. Peace will come.
