Its not that I'm not friendly or outgoing. It's the impression I give other people I want to change. If you're shy you tend to stay in your comfort zone of friends. You don't take social risks, you limit your interactions with new people. Instead of saying hi as you pass someone you've seen several times. I'm trying to be more open with people, strike up a conversation with them. Instead of passing a fellow parishioner and exchange casual hello's, stop and say hello Tom, or whom ever, shake their hand, ask them how they are doing.
Its hard to explain, it basically boils down to that fact that I don't want my experience with my STBX and the hurt and pain I've gone through to drive me into a shell where I don't allow anyone into my life for fear I'll get hurt again.
Karen, goofy is great, goofy people come up with the strangest ideas, have a different take on life, and are fun to be around.
Thank you for checking in on me.
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D7, D7, S6 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me New Abbreviation = WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08
You'll be just fine, Jeff. Sometimes you DO have to force yourself to be the one to initiate conversation. I've had to do the same. Even though I'm on the sales side at work and can talk to anyone, outside of work I'm a very shy guy. Like you, I usually come off as a tight ass or snob. I was just waiting for someone to talk to me first. It used to bug the crap out of the wife, as outgoing as she is. Plus, I'm not a chit chatter. I'm not a person that likes to talk just to talk. Maybe sometimes, but usually not.
Now I try my best to talk to people and I surprise myself.
You'll find your groove.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
The Calling of the First Disciples 14 After John was put in prison, Jesus went into Galilee, proclaiming the good news of God. 15 "The time has come," he said. "The kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news!" 16 As Jesus walked beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and his brother Andrew casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen.17 "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." 18 At once they left their nets and followed him.
19 When he had gone a little farther, he saw James son of Zebedee and his brother John in a boat, preparing their nets. 20 Without delay he called them, and they left their father Zebedee in the boat with the hired men and followed him.
Now our Pastor is a wise old guy, his sermon hit home, Now I cannot quote him exactly but here is basically what he said:
Jesus asked Simon, Andrew, James and John to put down more than their nets, They had to put down their impressions, attitudes regarding sinners, prostitutes, tax collectors, adulterers, etc. All sinners because those are the people Jesus was here to save. As children of God, we should also drop our impressions, attitudes of sinners and lead (show the way) though our actions and deeds, we should not look upon these individuals with disgust but with compassion, mercy and kindness for you are children of God.
WOW - really got me to thinking.
Thank you for checking in on me.
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D7, D7, S6 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me New Abbreviation = WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08
W brought the D paperwork by on Saturday when she picked up the kids (noon), I didn't get full custody, and I cannot fight her on this, I wouldn't win !!!! I don't have to pay maintenance, child support or anything else, I get the house, van, truck, kids will live with me, she gets standard 2 weeks a month, etc (if she wants the kids) and she gets almost all my 401K.
I was getting mad talking about this stuff, W seemed fine with it all, glad to get it over. I told her I would look over the paperwork, she kept talking and talking, I just ignored her which set her off, again I told her I would look over the paperwork. She left in a huff
She called me later that night and we talked for a long time, I told her that the paperwork looked fine, but I needed to take it to my L to review. Before she called, I sent her an e-mail telling her the same, and explained I don't like talking about the D, that it the worse thing that has ever happened to me.
She took the kids to church today, first time she has been in church since this summer. I was wondering what the sermon would be today (anything relating to marriage, etc)
The second reading was Corinthians 7:32-35
Brothers and sisters: I should like you to be free of anxieties. An unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. But a married man is anxious about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and he is divided.
An unmarried woman or a virgin is anxious about the things of the Lord,so that she may be holy in both body and spirit. A married woman, on the other hand, is anxious about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. I am telling you this for your own benefit, not to impose a restraint upon you, but for the sake of propriety and adherence to the Lord without distraction.
Thank you for checking in on me.
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D7, D7, S6 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me New Abbreviation = WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08
I thought your W agreed to you having full custody. Did she change her mind?
NOthing wrong with showing her the feelings you have about all of this. You have been treading lightly until the divorce paperwork.
Had the same sermon. Our priest talked about loyalties and put the emphasis on the fact that we have divided loyalties, etc. , but that if our loyalties are getting in the way of living with God, then maybe those loyalties need changing.
Yeah what happened. That is why you were walking on egg shells and not getting mad. I think that needs to change. I really don't think they need to spend 2 weeks with a babysitter when they should be with you the majority of the time.
Hope you are going to double check this.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Me either. Was that just paperwork drafted by her L that she wants you to sign? What does your L say??? Please don't sign anything until he/she looks at it!!!
I also don't think your W will wind up doing that will she? It sounds good and her L prob. thinks that's good, but how much custody has she had the last couple months? She's always sounded like a mostly absent mom and says she can't handle the stress and etc. And if she is just getting a babysitter, that seems kind of silly. My L said parents like my H usually just get every other weekend and that sounds like that might be good or something like that for your sitch as well. Karen
Its hard to get full custody, especially if other parent won't give it up. From my understanding unless you can prove that they are an unfit parent, you have no chance of getting full custody unless they agree to it. W did but I believe her L was pushing her not to give it up. Doesn't matter to me as long as the kids live with me and I'm never liable for child support. I don't expect W will ever want the kids that much.
When I e-mailed W, I told her I didn't like talking about our D and I really never bring it up, here is her response. sounds like MLC to me.
Quote:
I don't talk about it with anyone either. I really have not told anyone except for (best friend) about anything that is going on in my life. I feel like a failure. I don't like to talk about it. I don't see any way around it, however. I hate that this happened. If I could turn back time I would. I just want to do the very best I can do for everyone from this point forward. My time on this planet is growing short and I want to do good with it. I want to be happy and I want to make other people happy. I want my life to count for something. Sincerely, (W name)
I have always thought W was going through a MLC this just adds to it
Thank you for checking in on me, Eventhough I don't post much I do pray for you all
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D7, D7, S6 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me New Abbreviation = WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08
Karen, the Parenting Agreement states, she gets kids every other weekend and one night a week with every other Holiday. This is the agreement if we cannot work out the times ourselves.
If I wanted to be a jerk, this is all she gets (more than she wants right now) - my plan is to let her have the kids whenever she wants. I still haven't decided between letting her have the kids whenever she wants, then I'm subject to her schedule or do I tell her pick 2 weekend in advance so I can make my own plans
I don't know if I should respond to her e-mail and take the high road. this e-mail is littered with land mines. I want to tell her I wouldn't turn back time because of the kids, I want to tell her no one in life is a failure who has friends. I want to tell her I was happy and I'm learning to be happy without her.
E-MAIL SHE SENT ME: I don't talk about it with anyone either. I really have not told anyone except for (best friend) about anything that is going on in my life. I feel like a failure. I don't like to talk about it. I don't see any way around it, however. I hate that this happened. If I could turn back time I would. I just want to do the very best I can do for everyone from this point forward. My time on this planet is growing short and I want to do good with it. I want to be happy and I want to make other people happy. I want my life to count for something. Sincerely,
Thank you for checking in on me. M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D7, D7, S6 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me New Abbreviation = WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08
