1- Job or lack there of 2- Kids 3- Housework 4- Lack of supportive social networks 5- Money issues 6- Other family (In-Laws) 7- Health issues 8- etc. 9- any & all combinations of the above
same stressful conditions in your life.. how you react to them as an individual and as an 'us' needs to change.. with new skills, that can happen but it takes practice with the 'new' person the other has become
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
sorry C wasn't more of a positive experience. But it sounds like you're improving your boundaries and focusing on what you need - both mentally and physically. Keep doing that.
bridge, I don't know how you stick in there. My guess is fear. But I don't know.
I'd taken a break from these boards and in the last few days I've been checking again and there's so much, so much going on. Pain, disillusionment, anger, fear. The easy answer is to drop it and move on. Why stay?
But life isn't that easy. Life is a commitment, and it's picking yourself up after every fall and dusting yourself off and saying, "that sucked but I'll be okay and I'll move on and be a better person from the experience." Life is an experience of constantly learning.
So I admire you for sticking with it despite the problems. Maybe you're doing so out of fear, or self-doubt, or whatever. But the reality is, you're honoring a commitment you made. You're honoring it until you're absolutely sure there's no way possible it can be held.
You may be a WAW, but you aren't walking away. I admire and respect that. I hope you find the happiness you so deserve. And if I ever meet your H on a street, I'm gonna knock the friggin' wisdom of these boards into his thick skull!
Bridge, Thank you for commenting on my sitch, and for your comforting words regarding my recent loss. Some times it feels like everything is falling apart all at the same time, and I have found so much comfort from relative strangers who only know me through my story. I appreciate your support so much. God bless you.
Hi, I know this is a WAW thread, but i would like to ask if of you could give a insight to my sitch. I have a WAW W she has been dating for a little over 2 months, she dated many OM and had bad luck but seems to have come to a stand still and is dating someone out of Convenience. I have been NC and she has contacted a few times, small things have any of you been through this more then once in the corse of your R and done something similar? she seems to be trying to suck me in a little but not give hope. its been 4 months and she has expressed she is over wehlmed with everyday things but seems to be continuing the dating as far as I can tell because I don't ask. For your LBS did it take a total feeling of losing them to get the real picture? any advice would be great.. Thanks
Me 40 waw 39 Never formally M Common law SD 16 SS 13 Together 9 yrs bomb 10/2/08 She started dating 11/08 Started P/A 01/09 Contiunes to call R over
How did you know I was going to update this morning? Must be ESP. Thanks for the thought though!
==== Update:
Taking the advice of someone who has been there, done that. I read Stosny's Love without Hurt this past summer. It hit home for me and for my sitch.
I saw some of my actions in that & it took me 6 more months of working through some of that baggage in IC to get to where I am today, using my understanding of Core Values/Core Hurts that Stonsy's presents in the book. I have found it to be one of the two most helpful books I have read (and I have read plenty!) in my growth & recovery.
H's changes & growth as part of his IC (in the past 3 months) have given me hope that he would be open to this type of work. So being the 'brave new me'.. I gave him my copy of the book and asked him if he would read it.
He agreed... he has found it to be powerful in describing him and our sitch almost as if the author was living with us, as he said.
He has asked to go do the bootcamp 3 day retreat for couples and we are re-reading the book together chapter by chapter to lay context & being on the same page as to what we understand the author to be saying.
i read outloud, he listens and we pause at various points to share & empathize. It has helped bring us closer.
I will emphasize though, that until BOTH of us had worked through some of our own issues & had moved along the path to 'healthier'.. what I just described would not have been possible.
I was not ready (healthy enough) to do this work with him last summer, and he was not ready (healthy enough) to do this work with me until within the past few weeks.
I'm glad we have both been patient and I have, as my title thread suggests "waited & watched'... it has not been an easy path.
I am hopeful that we will at minimum learn to be more compassionate people who value each other, our children & ourselves and can show that, without fear, on a regular & consistent basis.
To be honest, I am scared to hope for more than that right now.
Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
Just take it really slow and keep expectations and hope out of it. Remember to be upfront with him about how you feel and keep the focus on his actions and not him.
As I told you we men, or atleast me, can accept that my actions were/ are bad because they can be changed however if I am the one that is viewed as bad it changes everything, bruses my ego and causes me to shut down. Then it does not matter what or how you say something to me I will either not listen or fight you on it.
I believe your H probably will feel the same way, just speculating here. But there is a world of difference here trust me and you will get a more positive reaction from him if you make it out as his actions and not him. Semantics I know but if the results are positive then that is all that matters.
Have a great weekend, and thanks for all you help.
