The piano recital went well and S8 is getting better each time - I have posted a video of it on FB. I also have him taking private Ukulele lesson from his grade school music teacher and he is starting to get the hang of that too. When I picked him up at the last lesson, the teacher had him doing some blues scales and I joked that it wont be too long and I will be hearing my boy playing Led Zepplin "Dazed and Confused" on the ukulele.
D6, S8, GF, her D4 and I arrived together at the recital and then XW and Ed arrived. I have no problem interacting with them although XW and GF did not say a word to one another which is fine with me.
Afterwards, we (minus XW and Ed) went to play in a nice park, hit some balls on the golf range and attended S8's Cub Scout Blue and Gold dinner. S8 actually hits the balls ok with a pink mid iron of his sisters. His sister always insists on using her driver and I need to have her focus more on the easier short irons. The 2 little girls were both dressed in beautiful pink Vietnamese silk dresses which is not something you see very often at a driving range.
XW still asks me for things that I feel Ed should be helping her with.
She saw I had tax software and mentioned she would like me to help her do her taxes - I told her to get the 1040EZ form and follow the simple directions. She wanted my help in filling out a new W4 - I was busy getting the kids ready for scouts and had to defer her to Ed. I gave her forms to setup accounts with my retirement companys so we can finish transferring over her portion of my IRA accounts according to the divorce judgement. She wanted my help filling those out. She got a new desktop computer and apparently Ed's house only has Wifi and she did not know what to do - I told her to buy a Wifi adapter. She did but is too scared to install it in the machine now. And now last night she said that her laptop wont connect anymore to the Wifi and she wants me to tell her how to setup her own internet service provider because she thinks Ed's is more for an Apple.
I think that I am doing the right thing in telling her that these are issues she needs to deal with on her own or with Ed's help. She also has tried laying on the guilt that she has to pay for her own health insurance and she has no more dental coverage. She is not my responsibility anymore.
On Monday, she called and said I could pick up the kids a couple blocks from my work at her new health club (Bally's). Apparently there is a kid zone there where they can do homework and have fun after school. I asked X what kind of deal she got there and I was stunned. She pre-payed for 3 years and it is about one third of what I pay per month at the YMCA. So when I went to get the kids from her there, I took a tour and signed up for 3 years for myself so as to save money over the YMCA out of district rates. X got a free year for referring me! They have a location very close to my work and another one close that I can go to after golf practice or lessons. The biggest drawback of the YMCA for me was the long drive.
I cancelled the YMCA and tried working out yesterday at the new health club. I think I am going to like it a lot once I get my routine down. They have lots of space, machines and even some heavy bags which I enjoy beating up.
X and I may have an issue coming up between us in regards to a scheduling conflict. It is the Saturday after next that is my weekend with the kids and I had signed D6 up for a Girl Scout "Thinking Day" event several weeks ago. X just told me that there is a violin seminar for individuals on the Friday before and a 3 hour group seminar on Saturday during the same time as the girl scouts. I told her to ask D6 what she wants to do. X says that is not fair because she knows that D6 will definitely want to go to the girl scout event because she has fun there. I simply said, "is there a problem with her doing something she has fun at"? Am I suggesting the right thing in letting D6 pick what she wants to do?
So X said she will ask D6 later, but I dont trust that she will do it without putting pressure on D6 to pick the extra violin seminar. I have seen her push D6 to the point of tears when practicing violin. And I suspect that if D6 does choose to go to the girl scouts, that X will make me out to look like a bad guy to the violin teacher.
X and the violin teacher have already wanted to increase D6's lesson hours, but I told her to wait because the divorce, new mortgage and economy has hurt my finances.
I think there is a fine line on who pays what for these extra expenses. There is nothing in the divorce judgement saying who pays them. I have been paying them because I had paid all the bills when we were married. I have tried politely suggesting that it would help if she could pitch in on some of the kids extra expenses I pay in addition to child support, but she has no incentive to do squat. I am currently paying for the kids charter school ($1400 a year), Chinese lessons ($600 a year), after school care ($400 a month), piano lessons ($80 a month), ukulele lessons ($80 a month), and violin lessons ($150 a month). Cub Scouts and Girl Scouts are minimal and was something I signed the kids up for after the bomb. When throwing in the increased mortgage for division of assets and $600 a month for child support, my budget is stretched thin.
It sounds like both our ex wives continue to ask us for "things". I guess they know we have a hard time saying no. Maybe they think our LL is acts of service or whatever. It does not surprise me and i got a chuckle out of your taxes post because I get asked for stuff as well. In my case, I am strangely "happy" that she still asks for my opinions. I know it will eventually stop so I don't sweat it too much. Your kids sure seem to have alot of activities. Perhaps trimming one would alleviate some of your scheduling problems.
I am of the opinion that, "her problems are no longer your problems".
it appears Ed has got him self a whole heap of new problems to deal with.
I would hit her up for some cash on the kids stuff..it may not work and you may have to downgrade their activities for a period of time..
the swapping time thing is a rough one..sometimes you have to give a little to get a little..I always try to put Caleigh before myself when deciding the swapping thing...
Were you the technogeekoid in the relationship? She's probably used to turning to you. You're doing good by directing her to alternative but effective resources.
Usually reasonable parents split the cost of extracurricular activities after agreeing on them. Set up your boundaries. You want the best for your kids but the ability to provide 'extras' changes in divorce.
There's lots of options and you're a very clever guy!
I've thought about trimming some of the activities. I suppose it would be Cub Scouts and Girl Scouts, but the kids both enjoy those and they help to build good character.
I talked with D6 this morning and informed her of the conflicting schedule. She said that she wanted to do both. I told her that was impossible and she needs to pick one. She picked the violin which is fine by me.
I asked X again this morning if she was taking the kids anywhere for spring break. She said that she did not think so and that I can sign them up for spring break golf camp. They really seem to like hitting golf balls and I was impressed with S8 last time at the range. X would prefer that they learn to ski. I told her that I would like that too, but both kids have expressed now that they are not that interested in skiing. When I took D6 up last year, she wanted to go home after only 2 hours of skiing between my legs. There is no hurry to learn to ski as I never put on skis until I was 25 and I never had anyone show me how to ski.
I think that if X is so passionate about pushing D6 on violin that maybe I can convince her to be the one responsible for paying for that.
My brain is now thinking about summer vacation in August as it is X's year to pick first and she said that she will be taking vacation in June. The kids want to go to Hawaii and S8 wants to go back to Oahu for boogie boarding and then big island for snorkeling. I want to try a different island like Kauai this year and I think it has both good boogie boarding and snorkling. Anyone here ever visit Kauai?
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Glad you were able to figure out the girl scout/violin conflict. I agree, the extra-curriculars should be split by both parents. And although I know you are more than capable of helping x with all of her techno-issues, you were right to tell her to look elsewhere for support. She has lost the right to lean on you for that kind of help unless it is directly child-related.
