Another One Bites the Dust (3)

[No Longer BH]

I dont get it, I really dont. He doesnt want me, claims he is the happiest he has ever been, and even sends emails to me telling me how horrible I am. What do I do, I dont react, I dont respond.....I keep my distance and try to stay in a healthy place. So then he changes his tatics.

He sends our son a letter.I gave it to S9 with a big smile on my face and said "Here is a letter from your dad, it is for you and you only. I think it is great that your dad did something special for you." S9 read it and then came to me with it. The letter was about a picture OEO (O Enlighten One) came across of S9. He wanted our son to know how much he LOVED this picture. Here is the thing.....the original pic is of ME and S face to face smiling. For years we all said that was our favorite picture of the 2 of us together. Well, in the version OEO sent, he cut me out of the pic. S wanted to know why I wasnt in the pic his dad sent......my reply, um, I dont know???? Now, come on...there are HUNDREDS of adorable pics of S alone, why send him this letter with a picture that has clearly cut me out of it? S actually got mad and said, "That was really mean of dad." Yep, honey, it was........


And then there was tonight. I just got back from my night out and tried to log into my email account. I have been locked out due to too many unsuccessful attempts to log in.....hmmmm.....that wasnt me, I've been gone. So, I thought I should change the password then.....hmm...unable to do that because of too many unsuccessful attempt to answer secret question. Gee, I wonder who was trying to gain access! About a month and a half ago he knew information that I never told him about. I suspected he was logging into my email. So, I changed all of my passwords and locked him out of the network. Guess maybe he thought he could log on......must suck not to have control over me anymore.

Of course this is just speculation, but the pieces fit so well......... I just dont get it!!! Still staying VERY dark.

[Ready2Change]

Hi sweetie,

You sound like you are handling things great.

"Daddy is very confused right now" may be a good statement to remember......

*HUGS*

[Gypsy]

Hello Sweet Heart..

Are you still "Broken Hearted"?

Do you view your spouse as enlightened?

Small positive changes in thinking can reap huge rewards!

Love the way you move forward.

*hugs*

[karen43]

Hey, bh! Sounds like you're feeling good and great PMA and everything! I have to think that your H has to be feeling so differently about himself. Hopefully at some point he will straighten out again--he just sounds messed up to me. What do you say when daddy is kind of crazy? I usually say stuff like Daddy loves you very much or something (and they're in therapy too of course)!!! It'll be interesting to see what they think of him when they're older I think.... Karen

[No Longer BH]

Ok friends....need a bit of reassurance here. I have never been D and this is my first time through the process. I know it is all not so fun and games and so I am trying to keep my reactions in tacked. I got a letter today from OEO's L (and NO Gypsy, that is complete sarcasim on my part....he is far from enlightend and very lost). The letter said that I need to allow OEO to kick me out of MY home so that he can continue his once a month weekend visitation here at the house like I originally promised and if I didnt I was a terrible mother.

<Clenching Fist> When I first read this I became so enraged. He left ME. He decided he rather live with maggot. Well, live with maggot and leave me out of it. After a few deep breathes I forwarded the letter to my L and decided to just let them handle it. I am terrified that he took the house payment to pay for the L retainer, but there is nothing I can do about that...I will just have to handle it if that what is what happens. ARGGG!!!! Focusing on all the pretty snowflakes now..............

[LL44]

And there are lots of pretty snowflakes!!! Getting ready to drive home from downtown right now.

Hand that bad boy letter to your lawyer, and wipe it clear from your mind. That is why you are helping your lawyer by his lake house (with your retainer), to ease your mind. Let it all happen. He has seen every trick in the book and knows when the bs is about to fly.

[Ready2Change]

Ok friends....need a bit of reassurance here.

Hi sweetie! Breath deep 4 times, and enjoy every moment of it! Everything will be OK. I feel for you. These times are not fun. I feel I may 2x4 a little too much below, but I just want what is best for you....

I have never been D and this is my first time through the process.

How many times has your L been through a D? Let them handle the parts you can't.... I watched my L very carefully during the process. I learned a lot. What you resist, persist....(IE listen to your lawyer but do not be a door mat)....

I know it is all not so fun and games and so I am trying to keep my reactions in tacked.

..Keeping my emotions stuffed down and being completely logical while interacting with W and L and other professional involved in the D was a very good DECISION I made. I allowed my emotions to come out in other constructive ways. They are still coming out now.....But I did not allow them to interfere with what was important....

I got a letter today from OEO's L (and NO Gypsy, that is complete sarcasm on my part....he is far from enlightened and very lost).

I hope you don't mind a 2x4 butttt...Past out what you want to receive. This is a natural law. Is OEO RESPECTFUL?? Do you want others to respect you? I found that taking the higher road was a VERY GOOD DECISION....I know H has hurt you. You have every right to be angry. Just because you feel H has hurt you DOES NOT MEAN you should hurt him back...I FORGIVE Ms. R2C (She is no longer my legal W) frequently. DROPPING the anger rope was very healthy for me.

The letter said that I need to allow OEO to kick me out of MY home so that he can continue his once a month weekend visitation here at the house like I originally promised and if I didn't I was a terrible mother.

REALLY??? WOW (are you paraphrasing or are these the EXACT words used)....

<Clenching Fist> When I first read this I became so enraged

*HUGS* *HUGS* it is OK to be enraged... Feel thoses feelings

He left ME.

*HUGS* It is unfair. He is choosing a selfish path right now.....

He decided he rather live with maggot. Well, live with maggot and leave me out of it.

SORRY....

After a few deep breathes

Beautiful!!! Keep those going....THEY FEEL GREAT!!!!

I forwarded the letter to my L and decided to just let them handle it.{quote]PERFECT!!! That is what they get paid for. I decided I was not fighting with W during D. Any point of contention was given to L to argue.....

[quote] I am terrified that he took the house payment to pay for the L retainer, but there is nothing I can do about that...

That would be scarry...I always confirmed W was paying the bills....That was another GOOD CHOICE I made. Other people ASSUMED things were getting paid and got screwed....It is your choice to confirm things are happening. You can choose to call the bank and confirm the payment was made. I didn't want my credit messed up......

I will just have to handle it if that what is what happens. ARGGG!!!!

I have learned that the soon I address an issue, the less energy I have to put into it to fix it.....

Focusing on all the pretty snowflakes now..............

Tell us more about the pretty snowflakes!!! Tell us more about all the great things in your life that are not in turmoil....


*Sending you Big Long HUGS and prayers and lots of smiles!!!*

[cat03]

his L can ask for the moon but that doesn't mean you are to get it for him/them. Good on you that you just forward that to the L. So now you have decided you dont' want him coming over and changed your mind, you have a right to, just like he changed his mind about being a decent H/father.
You are allowing him to come see your son, that should've been good enough, but sadly if the house is still under his name I guess there is nothing from stopping him if he wants to come, legally at least. A man with some dignity would've let you have your space, but then again he has no dignity and can barely be called a man.
A few more months hon, it won't be like this forever)))))))

[No Longer BH]

I am so angry right now that I am crying. I hate him and what he is doing to my son. Once again he has stopped making the house payment....ok, fine I will just have to deal with that but he refuses to see how his actions affect our son. Our son has holes in his pants, his shirts are too small, he needs winter gloves and the heater that warms his/my bedroom has been broken since this summer. This has caused the pipes to freeze at times and numerous plumbing issues. At least I have learned how to become very handy here lately. So why am I so enraged at the moment.....well, OEO knows our finacially situation and yet decided that this weekend with our son he should book a hotel that is 200+ a NIGHT! What the f### is he thinking???? I lost it and broke down and sent him an email saying while you are off playing disney land dad, maybe you could take a moment to look at your kid and see that he has needs things other than an expensive hotel! I know it will just go in one ear and out the other.......

Here is the thing. He feels completely justified in his actions because I am being mean by not letting him stay here. Hey, guess it wasnt mean that he broke the family and financially destroyed us, I'm just the big bad ogre. ARRGGGG!!!!!!

[karen43]

Our son has holes in his pants, his shirts are too small, he needs winter gloves and the heater that warms his/my bedroom has been broken since this summer. This has caused the pipes to freeze at times and numerous plumbing issues. At least I have learned how to become very handy here lately.

Bh, we're going through this a little too. Our central heater is busted and they want $5000+ to fix it and H isn't paying the mortgage so we have to move asap. We huddle over space heaters (my L lent me some of hers!) and my kids are wearing last year's clothes and all. But I've found that to be really bonding in a way between the kids and I. Tougher times makes us a tighter family I think. H is missing out on that. I think that's even a principle or something: like in the army basic training and frats and sororities make you go through Hell Week and they wind up bonding very closely because of that.

So why am I so enraged at the moment.....well, OEO knows our finacially situation and yet decided that this weekend with our son he should book a hotel that is 200+ a NIGHT! What the f### is he thinking???? I lost it and broke down and sent him an email saying while you are off playing disney land dad, maybe you could take a moment to look at your kid and see that he has needs things other than an expensive hotel! I know it will just go in one ear and out the other.......

My H goes on frequent vacations with OW, takes the kids out to restaurants, movies, shopping, etc. He's a Disney Dad. But I'm thinking when the kids get even a little older aren't they going to realize who was the parent that was always there for them no matter what? Not just a Disney parent. But anyway, I know that I'm there for them, and that helps too.

Here is the thing. He feels completely justified in his actions because I am being mean by not letting him stay here. Hey, guess it wasnt mean that he broke the family and financially destroyed us, I'm just the big bad ogre. ARRGGGG!!!!!!

And we all know that's not true. You drawing your boundaries doesn't mean he gets to throw money away because he's entitled to. You aren't the big, bad ogre, if anyone is it's him. I also think it seems like he is really trying to bait you and make you upset. I'm thinking some of that, like the hotel room, better to just ignore. You can't change his behavior, so why give him the reaction that he seems to enjoy maybe? ((((BH)))) Karen