It's not the only one that doesn't cover it. I suspect all insurance companies will be going this route if they are not already there.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
It was $150 per 50-minute session when we went to weekly MC during my pregnancy. I was working then. No way do we have that kind of money now. Would love to go on an intensive retreat with Schnarch in Colorado. I wonder how much retrouvaille is.
DQ: I realize that I was lazy when I wrote about my H not wanting to be tagged as "crazy," and then didn't explain further. With health insurance, decisions about coverage are partially made based on past claims. The more claims you have on your health insurance, the more opportunity the insurance companies have to claim "pre-existing." Let's say he is in the system as someone who has been in counseling most of his adult life, and then later when he doesn't work for a corporation, he has to apply for his own coverage. This information very well may affect what is available to him as well as the cost of his plan. The information may also complicate future claims if the insurance company tries to claim that the counseling has any tie to a "pre-existing" condition. The world of insurance is not really our friend, I'm sorry to say. It is what it is, and it is a necessary evil. There is some rationale to where he's coming from, even though I believe that when you need healthcare, you need healthcare and that's that. But my H is entitled to his opinion on the matter.
He's not the only person that I've heard this from, which may be why I accept his stance. My parents, one of my clients (in the pharmaceutical world), and a few friends through the years have all noted that they are careful about what they submit through insurance for the very same reason. I'm no insurance expert, but I am glad that I've been healthy most of my life so that my insurance records show me as "low risk." That is, until I go crazy from my lacking sex life.
I hope this makes some sense, even though it all makes no sense. If the insurance world did make sense, MC and sex therapy would be covered because the companies would accept that maintaining marital health and sexual health actually keep other parts of our health intact (eg, less alcohol and drug abuse, increased overall physical health from connecting with our loved one through intimacy...)
No, I get it, and I do understand, and yes your H is entitled to his fears.
And I'm really GLAD that you at least made the call to find out! Now you know that you aren't missing out on free therapy.
As for how to solve this dilemma, I'm not sure. Also, I'm not saying therapy is the only way to solve it. I'm just making a guess based on what you've said so far about your H and his fears and insecurites, that it will require therapy for him to sort it all out for himself and then to make permanent changes.
However...if you could both find a way to talk MORE and be more open....you could probably do a lot of the work by simply BEING more sexual together and opening each other up that way...by direct experience.
And one more time I will throw out there this very dismal idea....
You might find yourself on the doorstep of a divorce attorney one day, wishing you had found ANY type of way to fix this thing before it got to that point.
Think of it like that the marriage has cancer. Do you just hope it goes away? Do you do radical treatments, or less invasive ones? Do you go to a faith healer? Remember that this is not that far off of an analogy. Cancer is a silent killer. You can be happy and in love, even though you have cancer. You can be unaware of the effects it is having on you, while it is eating away at you. And yet, no matter how long you stay in denial, it is going to still be there.
Please realize too that I KNOW you two are happy and love each other. But I also know that - based on what you have already written to us - someday you are going to reach a breaking point and decide you need unbridled passion in your life....
Hang in there....wish I had a simpler answer for you....maybe others have ideas for free or nearly free types of therapy....
I do take your words seriously. We do need to keep talking. I think, for the most part, our talks are productive and positive and keep things happening.
I wish there was some kind of spiritual person (NOT CATHOLIC) that could help us. Some kind of yogi or something. I'm going to ask a friend who is a yoga instructor and very connected in that world. You never know.
There is a specialized relationship center in the area, but they are only open M-F and H can only do weekends.
By the way... I'm reading "Mama Gena's Owner's and Operator's Guide to Men." So far, I've learned about the power of self pleasure and bragging, and I've learned about how living in the doldrums is infectious and brings on suffering for your friends. And, the best way to help others have self-esteem is to have it yourself and lead by example. You and Ali do that so well, and I'm going to start. It all sounds so simple, but when you've lived comfortably in the pits for so long you have no way of thinking your way to that information all on your own.
I understand your H's concern about the insurance thing, however I don't think it is legal anymore for insurance co's to "discriminate" based on "mental health status"....those records are supposed to be private due to HIPPA regulations. For instance, it is not legal for anyone to deny employment/coverage/etc. based on someone's having been prescribed an anti-depressant Rx. That used to be a question, if you can believe it, on old employment applications. Times have changed. Besides, mental health care is not like an unfinished root canal or pregnancy, so I don't think it would be classified "pre-existing condition" by anyone anymore.
My H works for a large company and his HR referred him to an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) coordinator for info on MC/ST, however they only provide for 3 visits and they have their own list of providers. The regular PPO (I think it's Cigna) will not cover MC or ST either, but get this.... The EAP lady advised him to refer to the Psycology providers because they do cover 45 visits/year for mental health. You have to have a "diagnosis" like anxiety or depression, but I think I DEFINITELY QUALIFY FOR THAT!!! The trick is finding a psycologist that will work with you and your H in that fashion, but Ms. EAP says that it is one way to "work" the system to get what you need from your benefits.
So, I called again, and Aetna covers MC ONLY IF it is for drugs and alcohol. Depression is IC only. Nothing is covered for ST. Basically, you have to reach the point of harming your body in order to get some help with a troubled marriage.
I'm going to go buy some $20 crack so we can get some $150 counseling. Haha.
I dunno if I can explain myself well enough but here goes. My H and I have never stepped into a MC office. Oops take it back once and it did tell me he was as serious about fixing our R problems as I was and that was it. That was ages ago. So after OW and him telling me he was done? None no conseling what so ever. Counselors if they are not solution based may also hurt your M more than help it. Anyway...
Thru much trial and error? I like to be taken and ravashed too. And never wanted to come off looking like a whore either. My H took me and ravished me w.o the "fear " of hurting me. It was so delicious I cannot begin to describe. But it took much talking to get to this point. And also if I dont act like a "whore" with Hubby? Then why would he veer dare act like a caveman with me? Kwim?
I am not saying go "crazy" on the guy , but you are both going to have to find a way to find that balance. If I am acting like a delicate flower most of the time? My H never "knew" or gave himself permission to F*kc my brains out. I am too classy for that.
If he likes GGW wild and he can get off by imagining being ravished? I agree with DQ~ I am an optimist too~ There may just be a caveman deep inside your hubby. By all means take a break if you both need too. But do not sit there with "NICE". Too long.... Find a way to keep talking , w/o seeming like the sex police. And also keep things light and fun and keep connected.
