Trying flirting on for size!

[BeingMe]

Hi ACJ! Perhaps you and D13 can go to a spa and have your nails done? You know, a girly day out. I just feel so bad for her and being practically ignored by her dad. That's one thing I am proud of my H, in that he never ignored his girls aka princesses (or son for that matter) during his icky time.

I guess these Mid-Lifers all handle it differently.

[ACJ]

Thanks for the well wishes TL.

BM

That's one thing I am proud of my H, in that he never ignored his girls aka princesses (or son for that matter) during his icky time.

This is the one reason that I know my H is in MLC and not just a WAH. He adored his children, he couldn't do enough for them and that just disappeared the minute he met current OW. Ok so he appears to be spending a little more time with S16 now but reading between the lines I think that is only b/c of the outburst a couple of weeks ago. I get the impression from S16 that up until now he hasn't really seen a lot of his Dad even though he lives with him.

My D18 is particularly struggling with this. She was literally his golden girl. Even though she was our 'challenging child' she was always his favourite. Even I was jealous of thier closeness! Again as soon as he met current OW he dropped her like a stone and gave all that attention to OW. She has told her dad how she feels but he just puts it down to jealousy. In a very small part he is right BUT he can't (or won't) see how it has totally changed (and damaged forever) his R with D18.

D13 was 10 when he left. Two weeks later when she plucked up the courage to ask him to come home and then asked why when he said no he told her he had wanted to leave for 10 years. It doesn't take a brain surgeon to work out how that has left her feeling.

[BeingMe]

I feel so bad for your D13. At least D18 had her boyfriend, and S16 seemed to have more attention from your H, but she had none and on top of that his stupid, thoughtless comment. Perhaps you can make her your favourite child while giving her good boundaries. Oh grief! I remember that time with the camping tent that her wouldn't let her use. Sheesh! What an egghead!

I am thinking of ya! (((((ACJ)))))

[ACJ]

Thanks BM.

What an egghead

That's probably more polite than he deserves

D18 came home for the night last night. We had had a bit of an arguement on the telephone on Friday night during which I said I was hurt that when she came home she chose to stay with her BFs mum and not me. I thought she was coming by herself and was quite disheartened when she showed up with BF. HOWEVER she stayed with me and they didn't see each again until mid day today when he called to take her back to uni. I fed her well, did her washing and sent her home with loads of frozen food which i have been putting by for her over the last few weeks. I think things are fine between us now. I did suggest she call and see her Dad whilst she was here but I don't think she was intending taking me up on the suggestion.

D13 has gone out for the day with her friend again so I'm going to go and see a friend who was orginally coming here. She normally comes here as her only daughter is 23 and lives with her BF but I thought seeing as I was a 'free agent' today that I would put in the effort instead.

Back to work tomorrow. Part of me is ready to go back but the other part of me knows that immediately my stress filled life will return and I've not missed that this week. Oh well guess I'll just have to meet a sugar daddy so that I don't have to work!

[Truelove]

Hi ACJ,

Good luck with finding a sugar daddy - LOL. I don't think I would want a guy that is so much older.

Have a good week.

[ACJ]

I don't think I would want a guy that is so much older

Me neither. I couldn't think of anything worse

[ACJ]

My mother rang last night. It was to tell me of the results of the biopsy she had taken last week. Apparently they came back as the discharge being 'unidentified'. However at the same time she had also had a mammogram and an ultrasound. The latter showed that there was something there but she was told at the time it definately was NOT a tumor. Anyway the upshot of all of this is that she has to have an operation to remove the offending milk gland. She asked the doctor again this week if it was anything to worry about and he said no definately not. He wanted to do the surgery almost immediately but she is going on holiday on 14th March and so he said he would do it when she gets back. So she will go in as a day case on 2nd April.

The relief feels good. I just hope this will be the end of it .

[Truelove]

Hi ACJ,

This is good news. I am sure your mother and you are relieved.

Have a good week-end. (((HUGS)))

[ACJ]

I got another call from H yesterday. It looks like it is becoming a weekly occurence. It was about the D again. His L is still pushing him to pull out of negotiations. He doesn't seem to want to do that and we discussed how crazy that would be. I gave him a real life example of someone I know who has recently done just that and told him what thier total expenses came to. He did say that both our Ls seem to be just prolonging things to get money out of us and I have to say that as much as I like mine I do agree with him and I told him so. I agreed to ring her and find out what was going on. I did just that and she told me she had sent faxes on Feb 5th, 16th and 20th and had not received any reply at all. I phoned him back and told him this. It's literally like cat and mouse.

We also spoke about D13 as it was her parents evening on Thursday and despite being invited he did not come. He explained that he had been interviewing in another area of the country and hadn't got back until late. I mentioned that I had emailed him a precis of what all the teachers had said and he said he had seen it and had replied. I was a little worried that he would have taken it the wrong way (as he seems to have always done with emails over the last 3 yrs)as I had mentioned what a shame it was he couldn't be there as it was an important event as she has to decide what subjects to take in national exams in a few weeks time. He didn't show this on the phone but when I got home in the evening I did look and remarkably he had thanked me for the update and given an explanation as to why he hadn't been able to make it. I know it's too late for babysteps but this was a massive one!

We also talked about S16 and I told him I hadn't seen S16 for 6 weeks. He said he knew that and had already discussed with S16 that he should make more of an effort to see me. He said he would try again and I thanked him.

It was all very surreal. He was nice and it felt just like the 'old days' when he would ring me from work just to chat. He was clearly working from home as the number on my mobile told me this was the case. To be honest I only answered it b/c I thought it might be S16 ringing me.

When I read his email I noticed on his email signature that he is now being open about the very recent promotion he has had. He told the kids he was only acting up but his signature does not say that. Anyway I needed to let him know in a couple of weeks there is another evening at school for D13 for her to find out exactly what each subject will expect of her should she decide to study it further. I made reference to his email signature and said that I was glad that after all his hard work and perseverance at trying to get a senior job in his company that he had clearly finally succeeded. I told him I was proud of him (b/c I am). All I have left now is kindness and friendship. I hope he sees that this is all I have ever wanted (as a minimum).

I'm glad we are able to talk to each other in a civil way at the moment and I'm even more glad that we are able to discuss our children from a 'singing off the same hymn sheet' perspective. It just saddens me that he clearly still wants a D and I presume to marry OW

[Cinderellaman]

Sweety, I am so happy that you had this casual and civil conversation with your H. It's a begining...of what I cannot say, but at least it's a step in the right direction...for you, for your kids...I am so glad for you !! xxx