You are so *ADORABLE*. I love the way you write. Anyway... Hubby works outside. So he goes down south to work in the Winter. I used to cry and I hated it. Now I don't argue with it and I am much happier and so is he. Yes we are getting along just fabulously. I have had to pinch myself a few times.
My H told me over and over again he would not go caveman ever on me. Did not want to hurt me. { balh blah blah } It takes awhile but don't give up. I thought I was going to blow up into a million pieces when he 'got' it while he was here. He still blushes if I mention it.
Don't give up.
Babysitter? Fantastic idea.
I am glad to be back too. I tired to sneak in a few times { I am a 'junkie' like you. He almost caught me.} I thought I was going to pass out. Sheesh. I am very tempted to CHanGE MY username again but I dunno?
I should have kissed him more last night and stirred the pot, but I was too fixated on an unresolved incident of my past (not important to reiterate here) and was hiding my emotions from him. He fell asleep and I was glad that I could just think and ache and float to sleep.
We have very few opportunities in the week to ML. He gets home LATE and we're both wiped by then. On the weekends, the baby is the focus as well as catching up on things to fix in the house, etc. Our time is after the baby's bedtime. If we have plans or family visiting, that time gets cut as well. I know this is not unusual for anybody here. I remember years ago looking at my friends with kids and thinking "Yuck--it never ends. That looks EXHAUSTING." It certainly is a different kind of exhausting than hard work, but of course, well worth it. I wouldn't trade Little Mister Personality for the world.
Anyway, my point is that my "striptease stage" isn't always available to us, and it requires some planning and the stars to align so the baby sleeps to get some quality time. And THEN, both of our psyches have to be in the right place. And not too much wine but just a little.
Sheesh.
It's a little annoying that it has to be a big, premeditated event. Because ultimately, I just want it to happen because we can't stand to NOT touch each other. I want us to sneak off into the other room while the baby's in the playpen and have a precious naughty moment. For now, it is what it is.
Darnit. I can't just read "you're doing great" and be happy. I have drudge up the toxic noise in my head.
I know those noisy thoughts are not doing me any good. I feel that if I post them and send them out into the universe, I'm releasing them, cleansing my head, and getting a little bit freer. I hope it works.
me: I'm worried that we're going to get comfortable in this state of nicey-nice and not continue progressing.
H: No we won't. Don't worry.
me: Doing nothing but staying in this nice place isn't going to get us further. I want real passion and connection with you. I want to get to a place where we can't stand not touching each other. I want to do things like sneak into the other room for a naughty moment while the baby is in his crib.
H: (surprised smile) That's just wrong. (smile) We will get there. Don't worry.
me: How are you thinking we will get there from here?
H: With consistent, small steps. I'm taking steps, and little by little we'll get there.
me: How do you know that?
H: I just do. We will. What other answer do you want?
me: Something more specific, I guess.
H: I can't give that to you right now. Can I start reading that book [PM] now? Are you done with it?
me: Sure!
Then, we went to bed and he woke up at 3am violently ill and has been all night and all morning. I'm trying to keep a continuous curtain of Lysol between H and the baby.
I'm not sure how else I could have "pushed" in our conversation. I felt "OK" about our talk, but not ecstatic. Gotta give him a chance to get there on his own, right?
That sounds good, Lucky! He seemed very confident in himself that he can make good changes. So much better than him squirming about the topic at all and trying to deflect you!
I would suggest you wait another few days, and then when you give him the PM book, you request that you and he specifically DISCUSS each chapter or section after he reads it. So in other words, maybe once per week or however often he completes a chapter, you two can sit and just openly discuss what you found fascinating, helpful, weird, or whatever....also ask him to jot down notes to discuss with you as he is reading so that when the time comes to discuss it, he has in front of him the points he would like to talk about.
Talking about these points doesn't mean you have to DO anything about them. The real exercise is in becoming comfortable openly talking about sexuality in general, even other people's sexuality, such as the couples in the PM book. Just being able to sit there together as lovers and as adults and discuss these issues, some of which are not your issues at all but are sexual issues, will really help you both!
He might resist this. He might tell you he just wants to do it on his own time without pressure. This will be his insecurities talking, so don't listen. Just gently insist that you yourself need to talk about these things for your own personal growth, and that you need to talk to HIM about these things, not friends or family...again reminding him that it is far from unusual for a married couple to discuss sex!
So sorry he is sick and will pray you and the baby don't get it, too!
me: I'm worried that we're going to get comfortable in this state of nicey-nice and not continue progressing.
H: No we won't. Don't worry.
me: Doing nothing but staying in this nice place isn't going to get us further. I want real passion and connection with you. I want to get to a place where we can't stand not touching each other. I want to do things like sneak into the other room for a naughty moment while the baby is in his crib.
H: (surprised smile) That's just wrong. (smile) We will get there. Don't worry.
me: How are you thinking we will get there from here?
H: With consistent, small steps. I'm taking steps, and little by little we'll get there.
me: How do you know that?
H: I just do. We will. What other answer do you want?
me: Something more specific, I guess.
H: I can't give that to you right now. Can I start reading that book [PM] now? Are you done with it?
me: Sure!
Then, we went to bed and he woke up at 3am violently ill and has been all night and all morning. I'm trying to keep a continuous curtain of Lysol between H and the baby.
I'm not sure how else I could have "pushed" in our conversation. I felt "OK" about our talk, but not ecstatic. Gotta give him a chance to get there on his own, right?
Lucky
You have a great hubby. He is doing well. Check your email. Do what feels right to you love. It is ok to not feel ecstatic , trust your feelings Lucky. The both of you are doing very well, IMHO. He wants to read PM? I m jumping up and down for you? What a blessing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~~~!~!~!~! Take care, Ali
Now that I can take a step back from the conversation, I feel even better about it.
It is sexy that he is so sure with his little smirk. Too bad he's sick...
PM is NOT an easy read, so I know I need to give him lots of space to take it in and bite off chewable chunks. He is a very busy person, and it is quite a blessing that he wants to continue the work. Wait a minute - Time for a quick, therapeutic brag. OF COURSE he wants to work his ass off. He'd be crazy to let LuckyGirl go!
Time to back out of his space again and flash him once in a while.
I can see that this will be a fun dance, balancing talking with doing (less of the former, more of the latter, God willing).
Oh sure... I have flashed him "my magic" many times before, always in a playful, not-expecting-anything way. (Somewhere along the line, we decided that my vag was magical. In a joking way, of course. Since then, it's always been called "my magic.") Sometimes he smiles and grabs me. Sometimes he pretends I didn't do it and keeps going about his serious business (whatever it may be at the time).
I read on one of these posts or in one of the books (it's all swirling together right now because I've had trouble sleeping the past 3 nights), no matter how he reacts or doesn't react, he's taking it in. That counts for everything you put out, good and bad. So, I'll keep on smiling and flashing and having fun.
He almost caught me.}
