trapt...got it. Overall, I think you are doing great. It takes awhile to 'get it' and you have. Men here fear standing their ground...saying no....and run from standing up to their WAW's out of fear of scaring them off. While they think they are 'DB'ing'...they are actually showing 'wuss' behavior. Women sniff it out. They know that you can't stand 'for them' if you can't stand 'up to them'.
Stay strong. You will do fine WHATEVER happens.
Strength and honor.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
So true, FIB, so true....I was afraid to stand my ground- I don't want to "lose" my W. But, in a way, I already have lost her. She is going to do whatever she feels she needs to do, whether I walk on eggshells or not. Being a doormat doesn't work. (and I should know- I am a reforming 'wuss'. )
This, of course, doesn't mean that I'm going to target her, looking for a fight. That would be counterproductive and outright stupid.
But I'm not going to be walked on anymore, either.
You're doing just fine, T. Keep up the good work.
PATIENCE AND FORTITUDE CONQUER ALL THINGS. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
DBing and MLC take their toll....Please provide exact CHANGE. -Jimbo
Zactly Jimbo...I was guilty of the same thing. As my guru said, "you were simply working with the tools you had at the time." We have new tools now and, more importantly....CLARITY.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
All is still calm, nothing new. I'm looking forward to a fun weekend.
Sunny and 64 degrees here right now, just an absolutely beautiful day.
I agree having that inner stregnth and confidence is a great thing, but there also must be that delicate balance. I'm still trying to find that and not swing too far one way or the other.
I had a pretty good weekend, I'm looking forward to seeing the kids tonight.
I feel different today not really down, just disconnected. I just received a proposed settlement agreement from her lawyer. I have an appointment next week with mine to respond.
It looks like everything will pretty much be done and over with by the end of the month or the first part of April.
I looked over the settlement agreement again after the kids went to bed. I had to laugh, it was all I could do.
It is ridiculous.
Snodderly, your advice to others has been spot on once again. Everything she promised or told me that she would not try to do or take, she is now doing. Some of the possesions listed in the agreement and the value she has placed on them is absurd. I had to ask myself, is she serious?
I am still hanging in there with no expectations. I am also not going to hold back at all when it comes to looking out for me.
trapt..hang in. After 3 years post bomb, I wake up occasionally and still wonder how I got here. There aren't many pictures of us left up on the wall anymore. The last few are on one mutlti-picture frame and they are pix of us in Europe when I took her there for her 30th birthday more than 10 years ago. I'll still even have a cold sweat bad dream. But..it gets less as time goes on.
It's normal, I think....to feel those 'disconnect' days. After all, WE were the ones who knew we could go the distance.
I'm sorry that you....me...all of us...are going thru this..still....after being here this long. But..we must turn it into a positive. I think you are doing that. The proverbial lemonade from lemons.
Do what you can to make this over with so you can go on with your life but don't compromise those issues that you are sure, as a man, are important to you. I kid around when I say, "just give me the flat panel and I'm fine."
This was her choice. Stay strong. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I just received a call from her. Our income taxes came in direct deposited in the joint account. She called wondering why I had not taken the money out yet. I admit I was putting it off to avoid confilct. She wanted me to take less than half to cover some bills that were paid by her.
I told her camly but in a firm tone that I also had bills of ours to pay that she wasn't even considering.
"Well this is what I get for trying to be nice." She began to try and twist things around to make it sound like I was robbing her blind.
In the end, she said "just go withdraw your money, I don't know why your acting this way." I said okay, goodbye.
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