Alison, I agree with Cinders that it is good that you and H are able to discuss the children and it is pleasant.
Don't know what to say regarding the L's .
If your H does want to marry the OW he sure is taking a long time about it...
So, what have you been doing for yourself these days?
As for your marriage, all I can say is to put it in God's hands...sometimes he takes away to give you something better or to make you grow...or BOTH. Whatever the case, just keep along the path and stop to smell the roses along the way....
I'm rooting for you!
Hugs, Valentine
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
So, what have you been doing for yourself these days?
I'm getting a lot of satisfaction out of making greetings cards at the moment. I try to shape each one for the individual I'm making it for and it gives a lot of pleasure to know that actually it is not just a card I am making for them but also an extra gift.
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If your H does want to marry the OW he sure is taking a long time about it...
I agree but that platinum engagement ring is (as far as I am aware) still on her finger so that would suggest that this is still his intention.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Last night D13 did not come in until 11.30pm and so naturally I chastised her. This morning I told her that her punishment was to be grounded today.
She snook out whilst I was in the shower and I haven't seen her since. I know she is at Hs but didn't know that until after 8pm tonight. I did text her when I realised she had gone out telling her that if she didn't come home I would have to take drastic action. She replied 'Ha ha what with?' I told her I would have to speak to her great aunt who sends her pocket money and her grandmother who pays for her phone. There was no more replies until she let me know she was at Hs.
I called him immediately to ask how long she had been there b/c I TMd him this morning asking him to let me know is she turned up. To be fair he said she had only just arrived but he denied getting my text this morning. I asked him to bring her home and he said he would when he had given her something to eat.
He then rang back and said she was staying the night. I told him I wasn't comfortable with that and asked him again to bring her home. I reminded him of how supportive I had been when S16 was misbehaving the other week and asked him why he couldn't do the same for me.
Anyway long story short I ended up begging him not to take her away from me as well. I said 'You've taken everything else please don't take her as well'. He hung up.
He must have left his home phone off the hook b/c when I tried ringing back he just rang and rang so eventually I rang S16 and asked to speak to his dad. H did eventually come onto the phone but refused to listen to my point of view and gave the phone back to S16.
I feel sure he will pull the same trick as he did with S16. If he does I will not only have lost my children but I will be forced to sell my home as well. That's why I'm scared. There is no-one I can talk to and no-one I can call for comfort.
I'm not sure I can face this anymore.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Oh, Alison! I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I know you must be frantic, but don't panic yet-- you don't know how long your D will be over there. Your H's place is going to be awfully crowded, and I doubt OW will be pleased to have another angry teenager underfoot. Wasn't your H all but ignoring your D before she showed up on his doorstep? Do you think she might have engineered the blowup just to get his attention?
Your D may think she hates you at the moment, but she's gotta be furious with her dad for treating her so shabbily, and she can't be fond of OW. Watch and see what happens.
What did your S say when you talked to him? Was he friendly or cold? Do you think your H has been filling his head with sh*t to turn him against you?
She came home about half an hour ago. Later than she should have. She's getting ready for school right now and is refusing to speak to me. True to form H did not accompany her in. He just sat until I opened the door for her and then drove off.
So I called him. I got his VM but I left a message saying she was refusing to speak to me and I hadn't got a clue what was going on and would he please call me back.
He just called. He is obviously working from home today. He told me that she has said she will go there for her tea tonight and then make a decision about whether she will stay the night there again. I told him that I didn't think that was a good idea as it was just prolonging the issue and wasn't getting to the bottom of anything. Of course he disagreed with me. I said she needed to know that part of growing up was about having to suffer the consequences when you overstep the mark. His reply was that I had had 3yrs to do that and I clearly hadn't suceeded. I was furious and I really don't know how I kept my temper.
I told him that she needed the stability in her life and this wasn't helping anyone most especially her. He said if she wanted to live with him that was her choice. I told him he wouldn't be happy until he saw me out of a home. He said that wasn't the case but I don't believe him for one minute. Eventually he said he had to go b/c he was expecting a call. I told him that I should already be at work but that D13 was more important. He wasn't having any of that so reluctantly I hung up.
Between them they have me over a barrell.
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Do you think she might have engineered the blowup just to get his attention?
Most definately
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What did your S say when you talked to him? Was he friendly or cold?
He wasn't happy that I had phoned him as a way to be able to speak to H. He asked why I had to drag him into it.
Right now I just want to walk away from them all. I'm hurting so much I can't bear to put myself in the firing line anymore. I'm beginning to feel like not having them in my life would be healthier for me than when they are. And now I'm crying again.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I am sorry about what you are going through again.
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Right now I just want to walk away from them all. I'm hurting so much I can't bear to put myself in the firing line anymore. I'm beginning to feel like not having them in my life would be healthier for me than when they are. And now I'm crying again.
I so understand you. I have no kids and therefore cannot really advise you.
I hope for the best and that you don't have to give up your house. (((HUGS)))
Never give up on your kids. Always let them know, even if it feels like you are losing a particular fight, how much you love them. Keep fighting all the ugliness of these situations with that one recurrent theme: you love them, you love them, you love them.
I am still fighting for the hearts and minds of some of my kids after nearly 3 years. It is a fight I will never surrender. This doesn't mean I will necessarily win or win in the way I want...but I will not give up.
In the past I couldn't have agreed with you more BUT my kids choices are proving to cause me more harm financially than those of my H. Don't get me wrong I DO love them and alway will and I will always make sure they know that but I can no longer handle my children using themselves as weapons against me. It hurts too much physically and it threatens my very future. Without a future for me what chance do they have?
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
