May I ask you a bit about how you and your H met ? You mention that his ex had run him down...were you the ow once ? Maybe it has a lot to do with how and why you first hooked up...
Does your H have kids ? Have they suffered ? Do you or your H have any contact with the ex ?
Anyway, just trying to find some background info, to see if it's helpfull, I hope the pain subsides a bit, I know how horrid it can be....take it all one step at a time and don't try to look too far ahead !
Take care
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Hi we met in a night club, classic instant attraction. Got on from day one. He had been separated for 18/2 years I think. He hadn't heard from her for year then they began divroce proceedings. She then went bit nasty, think she realised what she dad done. She left him. kept calling up wanting to meet, He was still paying a posh flat for her and her boyfriend.
He pays her maintenance for his pension every month for past five years and now she is after the lump sum. He can't stand her.
Everyone always had a bitch about her and yes, I joined in as she had said stuff about me. Seems so pathetic now.
No kids with her or me.
I'm so so angry. Keep writing text but not sending them. How can he do this?
thanks sunshine,just read your post. I don't think he will leave this house, the other day he was saying how he was going to finally decorate. I've been trying to get that done for 2 years.
I just spoke with counsellor. He said your H is a lovely big guy who sounds confused. He said I really need to think about what H said I have done and try find a solution. He said maybe it's too late.
Now I feel like I have been a bitch and moaned about stuff. Am I wrong to think you take the good with the bad. I always looked past his faults.
Have I been immature and threw this away. I'll torture myself forever thinking this.
Maybe I did cause is. Maybe that is enough for him to fall out of love with me.
No more maybe this, maybe that...and what happened in the past, happened in the past...you knew then what you knew then, not what you know now. SOOOOOO do TODAY what you can today and live as you feel is better from now on, allowing for growth and emotion.
It is fine to go through, anger, denial, bitterness, sadness, and any other emotion, let them happen, and deal with them as they do happen.
Decided who YOU want to be, what YOU like about yourself and what YOUR goals are in life, and strive for that, then if your H is still interested, I am sure he will notice. But if he's not he won't ...and NEVER EVER do this to GET him to notice, because it will backfire on you !
Ok, so having said all that, ...be calm, be still, listen, and let go of your fears and expectations, just live by the moment for a bit.
Hope this helps a little...
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Regrets, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. One thing I have learned in dealing with my wife's MLC which has been going on for 3 years now, is that the person you are dealing with now and the one you married are two totally different people. In alot of cases, they are total opposits. Don't beat yourself up trying to figure out what you might have done, you did not do anything to deserve this, you deserve to be loved as much now as you did then. When my wife first dropped the bomb on me, I was totally shocked, did not see it coming at all. I spent the next several weeks telling her how much I love her, writing he notes and hiding them in different places where I knew only she would find them, and it just made things worse. Their are many people here that can help you through this, keep posting, it does help.
thank you all. I haven't said I love him or really persued. Counsellor doesn't think its emlc, or depression. He said he sold business and now is peeling back the layers like an onion. He said we need to decide solutions.
I just can't understand.
All my friends say it's affair but then why wouldn't he just tell me. I said to him that would make it so much easier
