I agree with davidswife, Regrets. Don't believe a word he says. My W looked me in the eye many times and denied she was having an affair. She even denied it to her friends, family, and IC. Guess what? She was having an affair.
People having affair ALWAYS lie. So if he really is cheating on you, his words mean nothing right now. I know that hurts (it nearly killed me to know that my W had been deceiving me for MONTHS), but it's something you need to accept.
When a spouse's behavior changes suddenly, it's almost always because of an affair. They get hooked on the happy happy affair brain chemicals and they become a different person. Almost like an addict.
Me: 33 WAW/MLC: 33 M: 4+, T: 10+ Separated: Nov 08 A#1: Oct 08 - Jan 09 (exposed and ended) A#2: Feb 09 - ? 1: http://tinyurl.com/mrmistakes 2: http://tinyurl.com/ckch9t 3: http://tinyurl.com/stillwaters3
I agree that it is probably an affair. My h also told me that there is nobody else and will not be. However, I do not believe him. When strange behavior says otherwise, we have to look at the signs. He would not just be carrying viagra around in his jeans pocket. Please protect yourself. He's the one messing up, not you. Don't blame yourself. You are the one trying.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Regrets, you really have two choices in front of you.
1. Snoop and get proof of an affair and then confront your husband with that proof. 2. Ignore the affair, focus on DBing, and hope your H's affair fizzles on its own.
What you do is really for you to decide. I decided to snoop, and it was through my W's phone records that I found proof of her affair. Confronting her hasn't done anything to fix our marriage (nor did it make things worse), but it has done a lot to help my mental well being. It also changed the dynamic in my sitch, since my W had been playing the victim until I exposed.
I just couldn't go on pretending like nothing was going on. I needed to know that I wasn't crazy, and I needed to let my W know that her actions were NOT acceptable to me. Exposing the A also forced my W to stop denying what she was doing, and to really own the effects of her terrible behavior. I didn't like seeing my W filled with guilt and shame, but it had to happen. You can't heal from something you're in complete denial about.
If you do decide to snoop, the places that always reveal the most seem to be email and cell phones records. It took me less than 5 minutes of looking at my W's phone bill to know that something was up.
A warning. This isn't for the faint of heart. The things you may find out will be very painful. For me, I'd rather know the truth, no matter how bad it may hurt me.
Me: 33 WAW/MLC: 33 M: 4+, T: 10+ Separated: Nov 08 A#1: Oct 08 - Jan 09 (exposed and ended) A#2: Feb 09 - ? 1: http://tinyurl.com/mrmistakes 2: http://tinyurl.com/ckch9t 3: http://tinyurl.com/stillwaters3
I found lots of texts and call to someone at work along with others at work but he has been helping them settle in the old business. I didn't confront because I was worried that he would be annoyed. He told counsellor I always think the worst, therefore, I didn't want to push that.
I did ask at the beginning is it an emotional affair with xxx and he said no, I don't see where he would get the time. told him it would be so much easier if it was an affair but still he said nothing like that. He wouldn't do anything so horrible.
Regrets, you really have two choices in front of you.
1. Snoop and get proof of an affair and then confront your husband with that proof. 2. Ignore the affair, focus on DBing, and hope your H's affair fizzles on its own.
What you do is really for you to decide. I decided to snoop, and it was through my W's phone records that I found proof of her affair. Confronting her hasn't done anything to fix our marriage (nor did it make things worse), but it has done a lot to help my mental well being. It also changed the dynamic in my sitch, since my W had been playing the victim until I exposed.
I just couldn't go on pretending like nothing was going on. I needed to know that I wasn't crazy, and I needed to let my W know that her actions were NOT acceptable to me. Exposing the A also forced my W to stop denying what she was doing, and to really own the effects of her terrible behavior. I didn't like seeing my W filled with guilt and shame, but it had to happen. You can't heal from something you're in complete denial about.
If you do decide to snoop, the places that always reveal the most seem to be email and cell phones records. It took me less than 5 minutes of looking at my W's phone bill to know that something was up.
A warning. This isn't for the faint of heart. The things you may find out will be very painful. For me, I'd rather know the truth, no matter how bad it may hurt me.
Regrets,
You asked me to stop by and read your thread, and so I did. I really can't add anything other than what Still Waters has given you here -- in fact, I could have written it myself. However, in reading your emotional state right now, I do NOT think you could handle what gathering some intel ("snooping") would net you, so my advice to you would be Option 2 until you you are stronger.
fwiw, I do think there is someone else. Let me ask you: is that a dealbreaker for you?
I agree with PDT . I buried my head in the sand for a long time and still do for the most part. i do not feel strong enough to face truth so I float along being 'dark'. I accept bits and pieces of stuff now but no more than i can handle BUT I also have protected my assets and kids. Stupid I am not !
I'm not sure, it would devastate me because he has denied it so often. Now I'm not so sure, I don't know when he would have the time but I suppose they find time.
