Trying flirting on for size!

[BeingMe]

Some advice from the Dr. Phil website:

"Realize You Must Be the Eyes and Ears for Your Child
During adolescence – from ages 11 to 20 – a child’s brain continues to change and develop, causing a child to behave without reasoning. “Sometimes, at this age especially, they’re not really ready to engage with boys in a way that they can think clearly,” Dr. Siegel says. Parents must see around the corners for their children to keep them safe, because kids cannot predict the consequences of their actions."

And, check out this article about parenting during a divorce:

http://drphil.com/articles/article/242

I can see quite a few 'mistakes' your H is committing. But, he isn't going to change anytime soon, by the looks of things. He just doesn't 'get it', that it's not about you and him anymore, but about the children and allowing this break in the family to go as easy for them as possible (he is just thinking about himself and his so-called happiness). I think you're pretty much on your own as far as D13 is concerned, in being the reasonable parent. And if he gets her to live with him, I think she is going to use you and he against each other (and it will be easy with his attitude) and you will have her flip flopping between the two of you.

So, with all this looming over your head, plus that you work, you still have to make time to let off steam at some point over your spare time. You have a battle that must be fought for the next 5 years. Sometimes, it will just be forays, but other times it will be full battles with 'bombs' exploding. Choose the hill you are willing to die on and let other things go. But please make time to go AWOL and relax.

Once the D is final, I suspect it will be a little easier because one thing will be sorted out and not looming ahead for you. Your H will not be able to use threats and schemes to manipulate you.

Sorry, another novel. But, I worry about you very much and hope just one little thing will help you in your sitch.

Take care.

[Truelove]

Hi ACJ,

All I'm asking for is for H to take his share of the responsibility that parenthood brings. For over 3yrs I've had the burden of all of the childcare. Again that word burden probably makes me sound incredibly selfish but right now that's how I feel about it. I'm suffocating under all this responsibility and stress and I really don't know what to do next.

I can understand that very well. I am so sorry that your drama continues. (((HUGS)))

[TRUSTING]

I'm sorry this is a rough time.

I can relate about the games these ML'ers play.

Remember, continue to do what is right, don't play games, or feed into the Ml'er. Eventually you will be rewarded for all your hard work.

[ACJ]

I make it on the 22nd

Seems you are right Naej. Don't know where the mix up happened. It might be b/c my mum goes on holiday today with her friend and I knew she wouldn't be here for Mother's Day.

Thanks

[ACJ]

Thank you BM. I will read the link later when I have a little more time to digest it.

As for going AWOL that's the problem b/c H will only have D13 on his terms going AWOL is not an option. My parents do come from time to time as you know but they live 90 miles away and my dad is now 70 so I only ask him to make that long drive when I'm really desparate.

Katz,

I think it was you who suggested I speak to D13s friend's parents to see if she can go this evening. I don't have a number for them (actually it's her dad and his new wife) and D13 is not likely to give it to me. That's why I'm so reluctant for her to go at all.

Journalling:

I've just taken my car into a local garage this morning. This is the second time it has been in for the same thing as last time the one person who could do the work was off. After I sat there half an hour waiting for a verdict about what was wrong they then told me again that this same person is not there again today. I'm furious. I only get one day off a week and as I work so far away from home need my car to get to work. Now I'm probably going to have to wait at least another week to get it fixed. As the problem seems to be connected with the ABS brakes I'm getting really nervous about driving it.

[kat727]

Check ahead and see if the mechanic will be there on your next day off. If not, try a different shop. You can tell them what you need done and go from there.

Tell your daughter that she can't go unless you have the chance to speak with the other girl's parent. Get phone number, address, that they are fine with her being there etc. You could also try directory assistance to get the number or maybe even google them.

Break your problems into small ones and then you can handle it better. Have a lovely day off and try to see the positives.

kat

[ACJ]

Thanks Kat.

I took my car to another franchise within the same group. They looked at it and charged me some money. They told me what they had done and said they thought it would be alright now but if it happened again that I should take it to the dealership as they have more specific computers for the make of car than they do. Well I didn't even get all the way home before the problem occured again so it's booked into the dealership tomorrow. More money, more time. It has taken most of the day today and I was supposed to be studying

Yesterday on my way home someone clipped my wing mirror and broke the glass so I have ordered one of those as well. Why is it that whenever you are trying your best to keep within your budget things like this happen?

[naej]

Hi Alison, I HATE car problems so you have my sympathy I also have this feeling that repairs / service etc would be half the price if I were a man!
I guess this

Why is it that whenever you are trying your best to keep within your budget things like this happen?

is along the lines of it never rains but it pours, otherwise known as sods law.
Last year I had huge vets bills talking thousands! resulting in major surgery for my dog,a week later my cat got hit by a car-no insurance for her and more vets bills.
Just when I thought all was going well, amonth later another leg trauma for my dog only this time its caused by tumour and so rendered the first op useless!
Just keep on keeping on -all we can do.
Enjoy your night out-thats if you got d sorted but I think you have a Sat,night out too! what I wouldn't give for a night on the town!

[Truelove]

Hi ACJ,

Thanks for posting on my thread.

I am sorry that you also have problems with your car on top of all the other problems. Sometimes there seems to be no end to it. I hope for you that everything will be sorted out soon, including the car problem.

I wish you a nice and peaceful week-end.

[kat727]

So how was your night out? Did all go well with your Dad? did your daughter stay home or go spend the night? I hope it was a fun night because you really do deserve it. Catch up when you can.

kat