Hi Smart cookie. I can't imagine you remember me, but i remember you for sure. Glad to see that you are happy. that's the best thing for you and your children!
take care ann
Of course I remember you !!!! How are you gorgeous ??
xoxo
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Good for you. You'll have a whole new life to experience now.
My cousin has just decided to divorce and she is like a different woman. Best of luck to you.
Regrets, I've spoken with several people who have told me that they've watched a woman decide to leave an oppressive relationship. When she gets out she begins to blossom & thrive. That's where I'm at. I'm thriving. It feels amazing.
Thank you
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Stopping by to say hi. See you are changing the things you can and letting go of the rest (or as I say, letting others take responsibility for what is theirs) I second your choice to stop trying to figure or understand things about your H. They do what they do. WE do what we do. Our way seems to be harder on the outside, but really can you imagine what it takes to stay angry all the time? How hard is that? Anyway, don't want to linger when it is so late. Just felt like checking in and reminding you that people are here.
Just stopped by to wish you the best. I know it's a tough decision - but sometimes it's those tough decisions that help us grow the most. No matter what happens with the future - you have to do right by you in the present - and I've seen how far you've gone in terms of figuring out what is right for you and your children. There are many ways we can teach our children - and sometimes we teach them about dignity by insisting on maintaining our own sense of self-respect and recognizing that a relationship we might have cherished was just not healthy for us.
I used to worry that the end of my second marriage would tarnish my older son's view of love and relationships - and while he's only 11, the conversations we've had about the recent changes in our life confirm for me that moving on was the best thing for all of us. He's happier now - feels safer and calmer - and is so very relieved to be in a house without any anger or tension. He used to watch B just flat out invent things about me and accuse me of things that didn't make sense to him (so he's told me) - and now there's no false reality that we have to filter out of our home...it's peaceful...still healing from a lot of pain and sadness..but with a profound sense of peace. Our family is now more of the type in which love can flourish since the specter of abuse is gone.
Hey Kassie, nice to see you. I appreciate the support.
It's been an interesting weekend. He called me on Friday asking if I wanted to pay my own life insurance. He was in the process of cancelling his. I told him that is in violation of the complaint for divorce that he was served with 14 days ago. He still hasn't unblocked our savings account, & my checking went into insufficient funds on Friday. It's so fun trying to negotiate with someone I couldn't negotiate with even when we were planning on staying married.
It's supposed to be my weekend with the kids, & H asked me if I minded if he invited the boys to go to a movie. Course, he asked me AFTER he invited them. I told him I didn't mind this time, but from now on that he should invite them to do things on his weekend. Last weekend, he was gone most of Saturday.
Last night I woke up with a fever. I probably have what D14 had this past week. Lucky me.
Good thing I have kids to take care of me. S18 made me breakfast and D14 made me lunch. LOL
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Thanks for posting. You asked for a nickname for your H - I just know a little bit about your sitch, but the first thing that comes to mind is - Tighta$$. But surely you've already thought of that one?
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
Have any suggestions on men who would be willing to read and give some feedback to my thread. Somehow I ended up having almost all women and I would like some alt views.
Silver, Thanks for the giggle. LOL He definitely is that. I never realized how bad it was until I've talked to some friends now. Our monitor upstairs that the kids use every single day, was built in 1996. LOL
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Hey kassie, I'm not familiar enough with the guys around here anymore. I use to know several, but they've moved on.
So sorry.
I'd recommend you read some of the newcomer guys threads, see if any of those are similar to yours, then ask the guys opinion on your sitch.
HTH
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Just venting a little. I'm getting sick, (D14 had it last week, she shared with me) & I want to just vent & dump.
Through talking with a friend, I realize just how much I've always done around here.
I have cut H's hair for the past 15 years, every 5-6 weeks I drop off & pick up H's dry cleaning I do all the banking errands I go to the post office to retrieve packages I buy all of H's clothes, if they don't fit, I return them & get a different size I even bought his last truck. He didn't feel like going car shopping & his car was on it's last tire with a broken head gasket.
I have always bought all of the kids clothes & shoes I cut the boys hair I take D to the hair dresser for a trim I rotate all the clothing in the closets for season & size & hand me downs I keep track of & purchase all personal hygiene items for everyone in the family
I take the kids to all their dentist & doctor appointments. I stay with them for in-patient & out-patient surgeries. I slept on the couch in D's room for 6 nights when she was hospitalized. H would come visit for 30-60 minutes, & usually be on the phone with clients. Once home, I was her private nurse for 10 days, every 4 hours around the clock administering antibiotics, & flushing & draining her abdomen. (ruptured appendix)
I drove them to all their practices, recitals, rehearsals, & performances. H would come to the performances.
I plan all the meals I buy all the groceries I prepare all the food I do any & all baking I clean out the fridge & rotate the food I do a majority of the dishes I do all the house cleaning; except for kids bedrooms now I did all of H's, & the kids laundry. S18 & D14 now do their own, as does H. I wash all the towels, sheets, blankets, rugs & throws I drove the cars to the repair shop & walked home 2 miles pushing a stroller with 2 kids & a toddler walking by me, when they were younger. Because I had so much more time than H. Of course I couldn't okay a repair until I had cleared it with H. LMAO
I cleaned the garage. I trimmed the trees & shrubs. I picked the fruit off of the trees, & made apricot jam for years. I even mowed our lawn for years & years. I planted, rotated, harvested & weeded the garden. He ate the vegetables. I maintained the sprinkler system, making sure we weren't guilty of wasting water, & only watering on our assigned days for the allowed times.
Now I test the pool chemicals. Add acid or salt, & clean the filters. I also maintain the water softener. Buying & adding salt as needed.
I buy & replace the air filters for the air conditioner. I buy & replace the batteries in the smoke alarms.
I maintain the A/C & heater, setting the times, temperatures, & conserving energy wherever possible.
I used to set the DVR to record his favorite shows.
I buy all the gifts for birthdays, Christmas & all gifts for friends & relatives. I wrap them. I mail them. I buy cards for H to send to his parents on mother's day, father's day & their birthdays.
I'm really beginning to wonder what the hell he ever did around here, besides go off to work (which he'd rather do than interact with us) sit in his recliner, watch TV & wait to be served by me.
No wonder the man doesn't want a divorce.
He needs a mother, not a wife.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Glad to see that you are happy. that's the best thing for you and your children!