Looking for outside help/interactions (on purpose or inadvertently) always comes back to bite you in the patookie. This is between YOU and your SPOUSE.
Do not say anything to his mom. This will only fuel the resentment he feels toward you.. and it makes you look like the bad guy, manipulating the situation.
He can say whatever he wants. His choice.
What do you do for you? The better person you are, the better you feel through this now and in the future. Be honest with yourself. Address your issues. Let go of trying to take responsibility for crap that isn't yours.
Like Puppy said, "Not Just Friends" is an excellent book to read and very grounding in your situation. "Codependent No More" is an eye openner, too.
If you think of how unfair it is how he gets away with stuff.. you lose, because it's all about him.
If you focus on how you can move forward in a positive way.. then it's about you and your growth.
Choices.
You're worth it.
*hugs*
PS.. it's not your job to 'fix' him.. be good to you. Do what helps you to grow.
You're right gypsy, she was supposed to be coming round this morning but hasn't contacted me. If she did I was going to tell her not to worry about it and that I was fine.
It's not fair on her and really, I can't control how he justifies his actions and even if people did know, not going to change what's happened is it?
I'll just look bitter plus his word against mine so what's the point in stressing.
What i'm going to do for me is stop worrying what people will say and start loving me again.
Don't know why I'm getting my knickers in a knot over what folk will say, just gossip at the end of the day isn't it.
Gypsy, I disagree. Affairs thrive on secrecy, and exposing them to a close circle of friends and loved ones can often hasten their demise -- sometimes immediately.
Why should Regrets have to lie to cover up her husband's affair?
If someone asks me, I think I'll tell them. I'm not going to lie, I did nothing wrong. I won't go running around screaming look what he did but I'll tell them if they ask.
In answer to your question, I am doing fine thanks....look at my signature line.
Things started to sort themselves our for me once the A was well and truly exposed. It was really hard and the fall out was horrid at the time, but we were careful not to play friends and family off against one another and we were lucky with the support they gave us.
Things do get better.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
That's what I did, too. I figured if I ran around hysterical it would be drama. And I had kids at home old enough to understand rumors and inappropriate behavior. Being a good parent, good role model was very important even as I tried to save my marriage.
The truth always comes out. And I had a choice whether I wanted to be splattered with mud.
I honestly thought he would return to his family, to us, to me. But no.. I didn't realize how long he'd been gone from the marriage emotionally. I just wanted to believe.. needed to believe because the alternative (which eventually happened) was too terrorizing to even conceive. Talk about a huge red flag I never addressed!
Yeah, i'm not into drama. I mean what do you say. You sh*gging my husband, em yes? eh ok that's not nice is it. nah, anyway, he strayed, o/w could have been anyone.
I wonder if many couples who have affairs with each other make it work. You would think they wouldn't trust each other wouldn't you. Or maybe they really get to understand each other?
If it was me I'd be really embarrassed meeting friends, family etc but that's just me.
I'm so glad I finally told my cousin, she has been such a good laugh about the whole situation.
Also, I'm beginning to get fed up talking about him to friends. Boring myself to death.
